WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.590 --> 00:00:09.270 Hello, everyone. My name is Joanne Lockwood and I am your host 2 00:00:09.350 --> 00:00:13.146 for the Inclusion Bites podcast. In this series, I 3 00:00:13.168 --> 00:00:16.778 will be interviewing a number of amazing people and simply having a 4 00:00:16.784 --> 00:00:20.634 conversation around the subject of inclusion, belonging and 5 00:00:20.672 --> 00:00:24.060 generally making the world a better place for everyone to thrive in. 6 00:00:24.590 --> 00:00:27.778 If you'd like to join me in the future, then please do drop me a 7 00:00:27.784 --> 00:00:28.434 line to 8 00:00:28.472 --> 00:00:32.190 jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk. 9 00:00:32.350 --> 00:00:35.758 That's S-E-E Change Happen dot Co dot UK. You'll be 10 00:00:35.934 --> 00:00:39.154 able to catch up with all of the shows on iTunes, Spotify 11 00:00:39.192 --> 00:00:41.814 and the usual places. 12 00:00:43.370 --> 00:00:47.074 So plug in your headphones with rabbitika and let's 13 00:00:47.122 --> 00:00:50.594 get going. Today is episode 14 00:00:50.642 --> 00:00:54.406 15 with the title stress. We 15 00:00:54.428 --> 00:00:58.266 don't need to suffer and be victims to our emotions. And I have 16 00:00:58.288 --> 00:01:01.686 the absolute honour and privilege to be joined by Ruth 17 00:01:01.718 --> 00:01:05.258 Fogg. I first met Ruth at a regional meeting, 18 00:01:05.434 --> 00:01:08.720 professional speaking association about three years ago, 19 00:01:09.170 --> 00:01:12.894 and Ruth describes herself as someone who helps clients to 20 00:01:12.932 --> 00:01:16.174 understand why they are suffering from stress and 21 00:01:16.212 --> 00:01:20.020 depression to eliminate negative emotions of their lives. 22 00:01:21.030 --> 00:01:24.546 I asked Ruth to discover her superpower and describe it 23 00:01:24.728 --> 00:01:28.546 and she said, lip reading, you never know that 24 00:01:28.568 --> 00:01:32.018 she's listening. So. Hello, Ruth, 25 00:01:32.114 --> 00:01:35.878 welcome to the show. How are you? Hello, Jo. 26 00:01:36.044 --> 00:01:39.766 I'm fine. I'm actually quite excited today 27 00:01:39.868 --> 00:01:43.606 because between within the next 4 hours, I'm 28 00:01:43.638 --> 00:01:47.130 going to become a grandmother for the first time. So 29 00:01:47.280 --> 00:01:51.098 it's an absolute pleasure to share that 30 00:01:51.264 --> 00:01:54.954 because I'm excited and I'm certainly not stressed. So 31 00:01:54.992 --> 00:01:58.060 thank you for inviting me today. It's great to be here. 32 00:01:58.670 --> 00:02:02.494 Wow. Thank you for sharing that with me and the listeners. That's fantastic. You must 33 00:02:02.532 --> 00:02:06.014 be over the moon. Over the moon, yeah, 34 00:02:06.212 --> 00:02:09.966 I am. But my son, sadly, is in Canada, 35 00:02:10.158 --> 00:02:13.474 so I can't jump in the car and go and be with 36 00:02:13.512 --> 00:02:17.234 them. So, yeah, it's a bit frustrating, but 37 00:02:17.272 --> 00:02:20.500 we will get out there as soon as quarantine is over. 38 00:02:21.350 --> 00:02:25.126 So I guess you were probably never going 39 00:02:25.148 --> 00:02:28.454 to be with them or had you planned on being in Canada at this 40 00:02:28.492 --> 00:02:32.306 time? Well, we were letting my daughter in law's parents 41 00:02:32.338 --> 00:02:35.594 go out first and they've actually gone out today, 42 00:02:35.792 --> 00:02:39.578 but they have to quarantine for two weeks before they can see 43 00:02:39.744 --> 00:02:43.414 my son and daughter in law, and then they have to quarantine 44 00:02:43.462 --> 00:02:46.906 for another two weeks when they come back. So we're going to wait for 45 00:02:46.928 --> 00:02:50.766 quarantine to finish it. That's far too stressful for me and I 46 00:02:50.788 --> 00:02:54.606 guess for them as well. But you could zoom in 47 00:02:54.628 --> 00:02:57.570 the meantime. So now we're living in this world where we can all be online. 48 00:02:57.640 --> 00:03:01.118 So you could probably have that long distance 49 00:03:01.214 --> 00:03:04.690 grandparent experience via mobile 50 00:03:06.310 --> 00:03:09.806 without the hugs. I'll wait and see. Yeah, virtual hugs, 51 00:03:09.838 --> 00:03:13.400 all hugs. But that's fantastic news. And 52 00:03:14.410 --> 00:03:18.070 if you suddenly have to hang up and disappear, I'll know what's going on. So, 53 00:03:18.140 --> 00:03:21.686 yeah, no worries at all. It makes a difference from an 54 00:03:21.708 --> 00:03:23.830 Amazon delivery. We have a baby delivery. 55 00:03:25.290 --> 00:03:28.962 Okay. So, yeah, I'm glad it's been delivered in hospital, 56 00:03:29.026 --> 00:03:32.826 not by. Yes. You 57 00:03:32.848 --> 00:03:36.666 can never tell if they dropped it or not, can you? The parcel that is 58 00:03:36.688 --> 00:03:40.062 not the baby. So both. Absolutely 59 00:03:40.116 --> 00:03:43.886 amazing. Thank you for joining me today. I know 60 00:03:43.988 --> 00:03:47.566 we've talked in the past about your passion, which is around stress. 61 00:03:47.678 --> 00:03:51.090 So why do we often suffer and become victims to our emotion? 62 00:03:52.310 --> 00:03:56.126 Basically because we don't understand what causes 63 00:03:56.158 --> 00:03:59.910 us stress. It's one of those things 64 00:03:59.980 --> 00:04:03.240 that is present in everyone's life. At some point, 65 00:04:03.850 --> 00:04:07.654 especially recently with lockdown, people have found it really 66 00:04:07.692 --> 00:04:11.202 difficult. So most people can actually identify 67 00:04:11.346 --> 00:04:15.142 with some form of stress or anxiety, which doesn't 68 00:04:15.206 --> 00:04:18.842 actually mean they have a mental health condition. Stress is an 69 00:04:18.896 --> 00:04:22.666 everyday thing. We have all sorts of daily hassles and 70 00:04:22.688 --> 00:04:26.174 pressures, things we have to deal with. But if we 71 00:04:26.212 --> 00:04:29.934 understand why we're stressed and what triggers our 72 00:04:29.972 --> 00:04:33.726 stress and we know how to deal with it, then it's not 73 00:04:33.748 --> 00:04:37.402 a problem anymore. My strap line is positive 74 00:04:37.466 --> 00:04:40.834 solutions for peace of mind. Because if you have peace of 75 00:04:40.872 --> 00:04:44.434 mind, you're not stressed and you can cope with 76 00:04:44.472 --> 00:04:48.114 whatever curveball life throws at you. And when 77 00:04:48.152 --> 00:04:51.334 I say understanding what causes you 78 00:04:51.372 --> 00:04:55.206 stress, let me give you an example. I had a 79 00:04:55.228 --> 00:04:58.454 young woman who came to see me this week who 80 00:04:58.572 --> 00:05:02.214 said she'd had a panic attack last Saturday at 81 00:05:02.252 --> 00:05:05.994 Chessington World of adventures, of all places. And she 82 00:05:06.032 --> 00:05:09.866 couldn't understand why she'd had this panic attack. But when 83 00:05:09.888 --> 00:05:13.546 we explored it, all sorts of things had been going on in her 84 00:05:13.568 --> 00:05:17.150 life. During lockdown, she'd had a bereavement. 85 00:05:19.010 --> 00:05:22.286 She was worried about going on to 86 00:05:22.308 --> 00:05:26.142 antidepressants because her mother in law and 87 00:05:26.196 --> 00:05:30.046 both her parents were on antidepressants. So for her, it felt 88 00:05:30.078 --> 00:05:33.810 like the norm. But in actual fact, the reasons that 89 00:05:33.880 --> 00:05:37.678 they were on antidepressants were justified. 90 00:05:37.854 --> 00:05:41.654 One of them, her father, was a prison officer who had been 91 00:05:41.692 --> 00:05:45.334 attacked by an inmate, and he had been quite 92 00:05:45.372 --> 00:05:48.966 badly hurt and he'd been retired as a 93 00:05:48.988 --> 00:05:52.714 result of this. And he was taking the 94 00:05:52.752 --> 00:05:56.394 justice system to court because it had all been covered up, this 95 00:05:56.432 --> 00:05:59.802 attack. So he, to my mind, was quite 96 00:05:59.856 --> 00:06:03.050 justified in terms of 97 00:06:03.200 --> 00:06:06.686 actually being stressed. And the mother in 98 00:06:06.708 --> 00:06:10.298 law was spanish 99 00:06:10.474 --> 00:06:14.042 and had been enslaved 100 00:06:14.106 --> 00:06:17.826 and abused as a child. So it's not surprising they were 101 00:06:17.848 --> 00:06:21.342 on antidepressants. So when we explored this, my client 102 00:06:21.406 --> 00:06:23.620 understood that 103 00:06:25.190 --> 00:06:28.370 she didn't need to be stressed at all. It's a very simple 104 00:06:28.440 --> 00:06:32.022 example, but when we look at our 105 00:06:32.076 --> 00:06:35.830 past, we can understand how 106 00:06:35.900 --> 00:06:38.840 memories get stored in the subconscious mind. 107 00:06:39.370 --> 00:06:43.066 Now, we don't learn about the mind at 108 00:06:43.088 --> 00:06:46.826 school, I have no idea why, but the mind 109 00:06:46.928 --> 00:06:50.438 is in two parts, the conscious and the subconscious. 110 00:06:50.614 --> 00:06:54.346 The conscious is about 5%. The rest of 111 00:06:54.368 --> 00:06:58.190 it is the subconscious, so there's no competition. 112 00:06:58.610 --> 00:07:02.362 All our memories, thoughts, habits, behaviour 113 00:07:02.426 --> 00:07:05.934 patterns, emotions, everything we've ever 114 00:07:05.972 --> 00:07:09.794 learned and our automatic body systems are 115 00:07:09.832 --> 00:07:13.442 in the subconscious part of our minds. So things 116 00:07:13.496 --> 00:07:16.958 become automatic, like learning your tables. 117 00:07:17.054 --> 00:07:20.674 Repetition and practise, it becomes automatic. We learn 118 00:07:20.712 --> 00:07:24.534 our fives, we move on to our sixes and so on. And learning to 119 00:07:24.572 --> 00:07:28.406 drive, we only think about it when we're learning and 120 00:07:28.428 --> 00:07:32.242 then it becomes automatic. We don't think about it at all. 121 00:07:32.396 --> 00:07:36.186 And this applies to everything that happens to us. 122 00:07:36.368 --> 00:07:39.494 So when you have an upsetting memory, it's 123 00:07:39.542 --> 00:07:43.274 stored. And then when something happen that might be 124 00:07:43.312 --> 00:07:46.574 even vaguely similar, the 125 00:07:46.612 --> 00:07:50.206 subconscious goes, oh, I've been here before, I know what to 126 00:07:50.228 --> 00:07:53.680 do. And it gives us all those emotions back again, 127 00:07:54.210 --> 00:07:57.860 which can be very upsetting. So, for example, 128 00:07:58.310 --> 00:08:01.986 if you didn't like public speaking, or you were scared of 129 00:08:02.008 --> 00:08:05.230 public speaking, when you explore 130 00:08:05.310 --> 00:08:09.154 why, it probably goes back to school days. When 131 00:08:09.192 --> 00:08:12.614 you were asked to stand up and read to the class, you 132 00:08:12.652 --> 00:08:16.342 mispronounced a word, everybody laughed. And that 133 00:08:16.396 --> 00:08:20.246 memory is enough on its own to make 134 00:08:20.268 --> 00:08:23.814 you scared of public speaking. So it's understanding 135 00:08:23.862 --> 00:08:27.546 what's been going on and also about your attitudes, beliefs and 136 00:08:27.568 --> 00:08:31.142 values, because they too can have an enormous 137 00:08:31.206 --> 00:08:33.690 impact on stress levels. 138 00:08:38.370 --> 00:08:41.774 I hear what you just said there, Ruth. One thing that's jumping in my 139 00:08:41.812 --> 00:08:45.402 head is, is there a stigma 140 00:08:45.546 --> 00:08:49.214 around admitting you have stress? And 141 00:08:49.332 --> 00:08:52.690 is that stigma sometimes worse in men or women? 142 00:08:52.840 --> 00:08:55.860 Because there's almost like this negativity around. 143 00:08:56.630 --> 00:09:00.418 People use the word I'm stressed out without really knowing what I'm stressed out means. 144 00:09:00.504 --> 00:09:04.062 But when someone talks about depression or stress in a clinical 145 00:09:04.126 --> 00:09:07.846 sense, there's almost like this stigma that I'm not stressed, I 146 00:09:07.868 --> 00:09:10.726 can manage my own stress, I know what I'm doing. Do you find a lot 147 00:09:10.748 --> 00:09:14.598 of that goes on? Oh, very much so. It's one of 148 00:09:14.604 --> 00:09:18.170 the biggest hurdles that I have to overcome, because 149 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:20.934 people don't acknowledge their stress until they're 150 00:09:20.982 --> 00:09:24.650 desperate or they're becoming ill. And 151 00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:28.446 we all know that prevention is better than cure, but yes, there 152 00:09:28.468 --> 00:09:31.966 is an enormous stigma, but also there is a 153 00:09:31.988 --> 00:09:35.742 difference between pressure and stress. Pressure goes 154 00:09:35.796 --> 00:09:39.646 away. So if you're late for a meeting, you're stuck in 155 00:09:39.668 --> 00:09:42.978 traffic. When you get to your destination, that 156 00:09:43.064 --> 00:09:46.786 feeling of stress goes away. And I'm saying stress and 157 00:09:46.808 --> 00:09:49.826 inverted commas here, but if you are 158 00:09:49.928 --> 00:09:53.638 stressed, it's because it builds up and it builds up. 159 00:09:53.724 --> 00:09:57.446 We absorb stress like a sponge, and if we don't wring it 160 00:09:57.468 --> 00:10:01.254 out, eventually we become ill. And there are an 161 00:10:01.292 --> 00:10:04.034 enormous amount of stress related 162 00:10:04.162 --> 00:10:07.798 illnesses. And if the illness isn't caused 163 00:10:07.814 --> 00:10:11.450 by stress, it can be made worse by stress. And 164 00:10:11.520 --> 00:10:15.354 80% of illnesses are connected to stress, and 165 00:10:15.392 --> 00:10:18.250 that includes heart attacks, strokes, 166 00:10:18.330 --> 00:10:21.838 cancers, ibs, all sorts of things, 167 00:10:22.004 --> 00:10:25.854 which is obviously the extreme end, but it's much better 168 00:10:25.892 --> 00:10:28.320 to deal with it as and when you can. 169 00:10:29.410 --> 00:10:32.974 Yeah, I saw a talk by someone 170 00:10:33.012 --> 00:10:36.482 who's developed some technology around HRV heart rate 171 00:10:36.536 --> 00:10:40.066 variability. And what they were doing was they were 172 00:10:40.088 --> 00:10:43.554 monitoring ceos in high stress situations 173 00:10:43.682 --> 00:10:47.270 and showing that their heart rate variability was indicated. 174 00:10:47.690 --> 00:10:51.446 Their respite from stress was so minimal throughout the 175 00:10:51.468 --> 00:10:54.898 day, they were even taking their stress into their sleep patterns. 176 00:10:55.074 --> 00:10:58.626 And they compared that between someone with high stress levels 177 00:10:58.658 --> 00:11:02.022 and high stress job, compared with someone who had a low stress 178 00:11:02.086 --> 00:11:05.034 occupation, who had low stress. And you could just see the difference between the red 179 00:11:05.072 --> 00:11:08.394 and the green graphs. Red being where your heart rate 180 00:11:08.432 --> 00:11:12.142 availability is indicating high levels of stress. And some people have 181 00:11:12.196 --> 00:11:15.546 95% of their life inclusion sleep at this stress 182 00:11:15.578 --> 00:11:18.942 level. And some people obviously in less stress was like 183 00:11:18.996 --> 00:11:22.778 80% not stressed. And I guess that's what you're saying is we take 184 00:11:22.804 --> 00:11:26.370 this stress into all of our lives, not just in that moment, isn't it? 185 00:11:26.520 --> 00:11:30.018 Oh, absolutely. If you're stressed at work, you take it home. 186 00:11:30.184 --> 00:11:33.846 If you're stressed at home, you take it to work. If 187 00:11:33.868 --> 00:11:37.686 you've had a bereavement, for example, you can't just park that when 188 00:11:37.708 --> 00:11:41.266 you get to the office. And so if we're stressed, 189 00:11:41.378 --> 00:11:45.154 we're stressed. And let's be brutal here. Stress 190 00:11:45.202 --> 00:11:49.002 kills and nobody wants to die before 191 00:11:49.056 --> 00:11:52.682 they need to. So it's about taking responsibility for 192 00:11:52.736 --> 00:11:56.554 dealing with your stress levels as and when they arise. But 193 00:11:56.592 --> 00:12:00.346 first of all, you have to understand what it is that's causing 194 00:12:00.378 --> 00:12:03.838 you stress, what are your triggers? And that's so 195 00:12:03.924 --> 00:12:07.726 important. If people don't understand why they're stressed, they're never going 196 00:12:07.748 --> 00:12:11.362 to make sense out of it. And it's not always the obvious 197 00:12:11.416 --> 00:12:15.154 things, is it? It's not just work. It could be financial, something 198 00:12:15.192 --> 00:12:18.626 in the back of your mind, some anxieties about a 199 00:12:18.648 --> 00:12:22.446 situation or self imposed pressure that you 200 00:12:22.488 --> 00:12:25.746 create these expectations of yourself sometimes that you can't 201 00:12:25.778 --> 00:12:29.254 overcome. Absolutely. And 202 00:12:29.372 --> 00:12:32.070 also, as I said earlier, it goes back to 203 00:12:32.220 --> 00:12:35.894 childhood. I have a set of russian dolls in 204 00:12:35.932 --> 00:12:39.354 my therapy room and as you know, they all fit into each 205 00:12:39.392 --> 00:12:42.710 other. And whatever we learn in childhood, 206 00:12:42.870 --> 00:12:46.586 walking, talking, we don't leave behind when we get to the 207 00:12:46.608 --> 00:12:50.382 next stage of life. So whatever our experiences are, we take 208 00:12:50.436 --> 00:12:54.110 them with us, good, bad and indifferent. And if you have 209 00:12:54.180 --> 00:12:57.930 a stress free life, that's great. But if you have a negative 210 00:12:58.010 --> 00:13:01.854 experience, think about if you have a 211 00:13:01.892 --> 00:13:05.522 bump in your car for months afterwards, you're very 212 00:13:05.576 --> 00:13:09.234 careful at that spot. Or if you see a similar car that bumped into 213 00:13:09.272 --> 00:13:12.914 you, because it's all stored in the mind and unless you know how 214 00:13:12.952 --> 00:13:16.774 to deal with it, it stays there. Another way of 215 00:13:16.812 --> 00:13:20.390 looking at the russian dolls, of course, is that if a problem 216 00:13:20.460 --> 00:13:24.102 isn't dealt with when it starts, it's going to get 217 00:13:24.156 --> 00:13:27.754 bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until it 218 00:13:27.792 --> 00:13:31.530 almost becomes insurmountable. And that's when the body shuts down 219 00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:34.170 and that's when we get stress related illnesses. 220 00:13:35.470 --> 00:13:38.480 Yeah. I mean, we're well aware that mental health 221 00:13:39.090 --> 00:13:42.234 is starting to be recognised as one of the biggest 222 00:13:42.282 --> 00:13:45.774 killers through not just suicide, but 223 00:13:45.812 --> 00:13:49.594 also in the mental side of oneself, 224 00:13:49.642 --> 00:13:53.330 overtaking the physical side. And organisations are now seeing 225 00:13:53.400 --> 00:13:57.026 that health and well being of their people, their staff, their 226 00:13:57.048 --> 00:14:00.574 teams in this stressful lockdown situation is also critically 227 00:14:00.622 --> 00:14:04.246 important. So you must be able to give some insight to 228 00:14:04.268 --> 00:14:08.102 people who are trying to help people who are remote working about 229 00:14:08.156 --> 00:14:10.760 maybe the stresses they're feeling. Is that something you're doing? 230 00:14:12.490 --> 00:14:15.926 Give them the opportunity? Yes. But as we said at the beginning, 231 00:14:16.038 --> 00:14:19.798 stress is perceived as a dirty word. You referred 232 00:14:19.814 --> 00:14:23.338 to the stigma. And there are healthy working 233 00:14:23.424 --> 00:14:26.758 cultures and there are unhealthy working cultures. 234 00:14:26.934 --> 00:14:30.510 Unfortunately, most people are within 235 00:14:30.580 --> 00:14:33.934 an unhealthy working culture. You 236 00:14:33.972 --> 00:14:37.642 can google well being cultures 237 00:14:37.706 --> 00:14:41.086 or companies that have well being strategies 238 00:14:41.278 --> 00:14:44.754 and practical opportunities for their 239 00:14:44.792 --> 00:14:48.354 workers or their staff, but very, very few 240 00:14:48.472 --> 00:14:52.050 will actually come up. It reminds me of 241 00:14:52.120 --> 00:14:55.762 many years ago. I'm a speaker for the International 242 00:14:55.826 --> 00:14:59.334 Stress Management association and on Stress Awareness Day in 243 00:14:59.372 --> 00:15:02.870 November, we offer our services for free. 244 00:15:03.020 --> 00:15:06.726 And I went to a national insurance company, I won't 245 00:15:06.758 --> 00:15:10.586 name them and I put up their stress policy on 246 00:15:10.608 --> 00:15:14.186 the PowerPoint and none of them had ever seen it 247 00:15:14.368 --> 00:15:18.154 because they were part of the problem. They didn't have 248 00:15:18.192 --> 00:15:22.014 lunch breaks, they got in early, left late, none of them 249 00:15:22.052 --> 00:15:25.838 would leave until their line manager had left. They were part of a 250 00:15:25.844 --> 00:15:29.694 negative culture and they couldn't see it because it was 251 00:15:29.732 --> 00:15:33.282 staring at them in the face. And it needs somebody from 252 00:15:33.336 --> 00:15:36.978 outside to raise awareness and help them to understand 253 00:15:37.064 --> 00:15:40.750 that it doesn't have to be like that, because we automatically, 254 00:15:40.830 --> 00:15:44.294 as human beings, want to move from pain to 255 00:15:44.332 --> 00:15:48.086 pleasure. And this is the bit I don't understand because so 256 00:15:48.108 --> 00:15:51.926 many people seem to be quite happy wallowing in pain when they 257 00:15:51.948 --> 00:15:54.120 can actually do something about it. 258 00:15:55.530 --> 00:15:59.066 I've certainly seen that throughout my career, where it 259 00:15:59.088 --> 00:16:02.906 becomes the culture that you work until the 260 00:16:02.928 --> 00:16:06.634 last person drops. You're there late at night, you get there 261 00:16:06.672 --> 00:16:10.294 early in the morning. There's almost this culture where anybody 262 00:16:10.352 --> 00:16:13.966 who's not putting in those hours is seen as weak and you 263 00:16:13.988 --> 00:16:17.454 almost have to absorb this stress. And then when 264 00:16:17.492 --> 00:16:21.322 you're out at the office, out of the working environment, 265 00:16:21.466 --> 00:16:24.878 you then take that with you and you take it into your family life. And 266 00:16:25.044 --> 00:16:28.866 by taking into your family life, you're then bringing their stress levels up and 267 00:16:28.888 --> 00:16:32.722 it can become kind of endemic within your entire family as well. Not just 268 00:16:32.856 --> 00:16:36.566 the person having the stress at work. They share that, 269 00:16:36.588 --> 00:16:40.342 don't they? Absolutely. I mean, I've had clients who 270 00:16:40.476 --> 00:16:44.214 have come to see me because they're stressed at work and then I've said, well, 271 00:16:44.252 --> 00:16:47.970 could you take my card? Could you mention that I do training to 272 00:16:47.980 --> 00:16:51.606 your HR? Oh, no, I don't want them to know I'm stressed. 273 00:16:51.718 --> 00:16:54.874 And a lots of people, when they go to the doctor for 274 00:16:54.912 --> 00:16:57.754 antidepressants, they don't want stress on their 275 00:16:57.792 --> 00:17:01.474 certificate. But again, what? They're not realising 276 00:17:01.542 --> 00:17:05.338 that antidepressants are like a blanket when it's cold or a bottle 277 00:17:05.354 --> 00:17:09.166 of wine. The problem is still going to be there when you wake up the 278 00:17:09.188 --> 00:17:12.858 next morning or you take the blanket off. So it's much better to 279 00:17:12.884 --> 00:17:16.594 deal with the root cause and clear it so that you're in 280 00:17:16.632 --> 00:17:20.386 control. Yeah. You mentioned there about going 281 00:17:20.408 --> 00:17:23.860 to the doctor and not wanting to put stress on the reason. 282 00:17:24.470 --> 00:17:28.134 In my career, I've seen many people being signed off 283 00:17:28.172 --> 00:17:31.938 with stress and it's almost like a giggle in the office. It's 284 00:17:31.954 --> 00:17:34.566 like, oh, did it all get a bit too much for you? There's almost like 285 00:17:34.588 --> 00:17:38.322 this disbelief that it was really stressful. 286 00:17:38.386 --> 00:17:41.946 I mean, come on, we all have stress around here. What makes you so 287 00:17:41.968 --> 00:17:45.818 special? Needing to be signed off for it? And I think that's part of the 288 00:17:45.824 --> 00:17:48.326 cycle we got to break, isn't it? We got to take it seriously. We can't 289 00:17:48.358 --> 00:17:52.186 just laugh it off as something that is a weakness. It's 290 00:17:52.218 --> 00:17:55.582 actually something that is taking over 291 00:17:55.636 --> 00:17:59.358 somebody and needs to be treated, as you say, not just a bottle of 292 00:17:59.364 --> 00:18:03.060 wine or a blanket to make it go away. Absolutely. 293 00:18:04.150 --> 00:18:07.522 My particular strength is teaching self help 294 00:18:07.576 --> 00:18:11.314 techniques, because you can try 295 00:18:11.352 --> 00:18:14.040 and meditate, you can 296 00:18:15.050 --> 00:18:18.438 run around the block and jog, but if you start off 297 00:18:18.524 --> 00:18:22.374 unhappy, you're going to finish unhappy. So again, you 298 00:18:22.412 --> 00:18:26.214 have to deal with the causes. And when you understand 299 00:18:26.412 --> 00:18:30.138 what's going on in your mind and why and how and what, 300 00:18:30.304 --> 00:18:33.866 then you can work out what to do about it. 301 00:18:34.048 --> 00:18:37.446 And the way I deal with it is not 302 00:18:37.568 --> 00:18:41.146 by letting people have ten counselling 303 00:18:41.178 --> 00:18:44.958 sessions, because we can talk till the cows come home, but if you 304 00:18:44.964 --> 00:18:48.320 don't have any coping strategies, you don't move forward. 305 00:18:48.850 --> 00:18:52.434 So I work with three therapies which all 306 00:18:52.472 --> 00:18:56.306 work on the subconscious mind. One is hypnosis, which 307 00:18:56.328 --> 00:19:00.066 most people have heard about, but they've seen people doing silly things on the 308 00:19:00.088 --> 00:19:03.906 television, so they're very wary. But the example I give to 309 00:19:03.928 --> 00:19:07.522 everybody is that if I were to put them in hypnosis 310 00:19:07.586 --> 00:19:10.790 and ask them to take their clothes off and run up and down the road, 311 00:19:10.940 --> 00:19:14.678 they would come out of hypnosis immediately, unless they wanted to 312 00:19:14.684 --> 00:19:18.234 take their clothes off and run up and down the road. So I think that 313 00:19:18.272 --> 00:19:21.798 illustrates the point quite nicely. And hypnosis 314 00:19:21.894 --> 00:19:25.514 is, of course, one of the oldest healing methods known to man. 315 00:19:25.712 --> 00:19:29.338 And it feels like dropping off to sleep when the 316 00:19:29.344 --> 00:19:33.166 Television is on. There's a voice in the background, but you can't really be 317 00:19:33.188 --> 00:19:36.942 bothered with it, and it's very relaxing and it can get 318 00:19:36.996 --> 00:19:40.346 to the nub and the causes of the stress. 319 00:19:40.538 --> 00:19:43.986 So it's a great tool to have. And I offer 320 00:19:44.088 --> 00:19:47.874 audios as part of that package. So if it was training, 321 00:19:47.992 --> 00:19:51.502 depending on what I was looking at, low self esteem, 322 00:19:51.646 --> 00:19:53.830 low confidence loss, 323 00:19:55.610 --> 00:19:59.186 childbirth, conception, whatever it is that's 324 00:19:59.218 --> 00:20:02.882 causing the person stress, so that's hypnosis. 325 00:20:02.946 --> 00:20:06.614 And the second therapy I use is emotional freedom 326 00:20:06.662 --> 00:20:10.026 technique, which is better known as tapping. We tap on 327 00:20:10.048 --> 00:20:13.754 meridian points, but unlike reflexology, which 328 00:20:13.792 --> 00:20:17.234 also works with meridians, we're actually verbally 329 00:20:17.382 --> 00:20:20.730 expressing what the feeling, the emotion 330 00:20:20.810 --> 00:20:24.574 is. And because we have our feelings and 331 00:20:24.612 --> 00:20:28.410 our fingertips with us all the time, whatever arises, 332 00:20:28.570 --> 00:20:32.402 it can be dealt with there and then. And 333 00:20:32.456 --> 00:20:35.950 the third therapy I use is EMDR, 334 00:20:36.110 --> 00:20:38.862 which is eye movement, desensitisation, 335 00:20:39.006 --> 00:20:42.834 reprocessing. It's a bit of a mouthful and that involves eye 336 00:20:42.882 --> 00:20:46.326 movement, and it's a very simple technique, which, again, 337 00:20:46.428 --> 00:20:50.086 people can use themselves. So it's important 338 00:20:50.268 --> 00:20:53.926 to be able to deal with things themselves, and 339 00:20:53.948 --> 00:20:57.754 that's quite empowering. So I very rarely see people for 340 00:20:57.792 --> 00:21:01.434 more than three sessions on a one to one. And obviously in 341 00:21:01.472 --> 00:21:05.258 training, I will explain how the mind works 342 00:21:05.344 --> 00:21:08.950 and look at stress audits and stress policies in the 343 00:21:08.960 --> 00:21:12.480 workplace, if they're available. And then there is the opportunity 344 00:21:12.930 --> 00:21:16.638 to do workshops for whatever comes up from the 345 00:21:16.644 --> 00:21:20.446 stress audit. So it might be time management, for example, that's causing 346 00:21:20.478 --> 00:21:24.194 stress. It might be lack of assertion, might be 347 00:21:24.232 --> 00:21:27.330 lack of confidence. I mean, it's such a 348 00:21:27.400 --> 00:21:30.498 wide focus 349 00:21:30.664 --> 00:21:34.306 on what causes a stress, because what causes 350 00:21:34.338 --> 00:21:37.682 you stress won't cause me stress and vice 351 00:21:37.746 --> 00:21:41.414 versa. Everybody's different and we all have 352 00:21:41.452 --> 00:21:44.738 different stresses, different needs, different wants, 353 00:21:44.924 --> 00:21:48.634 different aspirations, and therefore everybody 354 00:21:48.752 --> 00:21:52.506 needs to understand for themselves. There's no 355 00:21:52.608 --> 00:21:54.940 blanket fix for everything. 356 00:21:57.150 --> 00:22:00.774 Yeah, I just talking now, I'm thinking the word 357 00:22:00.832 --> 00:22:04.042 anxiety is popping into my head. Are stress and anxiety 358 00:22:04.106 --> 00:22:07.742 different? Are they two sides of the same coin? Does one cause the other 359 00:22:07.796 --> 00:22:09.950 or are they completely different emotions? 360 00:22:11.270 --> 00:22:14.786 That's a good question. I would say they're pretty much the 361 00:22:14.808 --> 00:22:18.578 same. But anxiety is a 362 00:22:18.664 --> 00:22:21.570 recognised mental health condition. 363 00:22:23.510 --> 00:22:27.140 Stress is almost the umbrella for it. 364 00:22:27.670 --> 00:22:31.446 It's a very, very fine line, because if 365 00:22:31.468 --> 00:22:35.030 you're worried or anxious, you're going to be stressed. 366 00:22:35.950 --> 00:22:39.766 So it's hard to differentiate, to separate 367 00:22:39.798 --> 00:22:43.178 the two. So someone has an anxiety attack 368 00:22:43.264 --> 00:22:47.094 where you see the stereotypical paper bag, 369 00:22:47.142 --> 00:22:49.280 sort of like trying to calm the breathing down. 370 00:22:51.010 --> 00:22:54.826 It's kind of within the stress umbrella. Something has triggered 371 00:22:54.858 --> 00:22:58.686 this anxiety that the brain can't cope with 372 00:22:58.788 --> 00:23:02.626 and the body almost shutting down to take you out of that 373 00:23:02.648 --> 00:23:05.966 situation. That's right. But again, it's 374 00:23:05.998 --> 00:23:09.442 understanding why. So let's go back 375 00:23:09.496 --> 00:23:13.326 to speaking. If you are fearful 376 00:23:13.438 --> 00:23:16.918 of speaking to a lot of people, it might be 377 00:23:17.004 --> 00:23:20.582 that you are worried about what people will think of you, 378 00:23:20.716 --> 00:23:24.230 that you'll make a mistake, that you'll trip up 379 00:23:24.300 --> 00:23:27.642 a whole remit of reasons as to why 380 00:23:27.776 --> 00:23:30.874 they're scared, which makes them feel anxious and they get 381 00:23:30.912 --> 00:23:34.454 palpitations. But when they understand why they're scared 382 00:23:34.582 --> 00:23:38.000 and they deal with it, then they're calm and in control. 383 00:23:38.530 --> 00:23:42.286 Calm and confident. Calm and in control. That's where we 384 00:23:42.308 --> 00:23:46.106 all want to be. Yeah. I've 385 00:23:46.138 --> 00:23:49.920 heard from several people that one of the greatest fears we have 386 00:23:50.290 --> 00:23:53.922 as a human being is a fear of humiliation, being seen 387 00:23:53.976 --> 00:23:57.746 to be less than who we are. And public speaking, you are kind 388 00:23:57.768 --> 00:24:01.122 of putting yourself out there on stage or up 389 00:24:01.176 --> 00:24:05.026 front and people are then judging you. But 390 00:24:05.128 --> 00:24:08.854 on not just what you're saying, how you say it, how you look, how 391 00:24:08.892 --> 00:24:12.520 you move. There's a whole load of things going on in your head there 392 00:24:12.890 --> 00:24:16.474 about body consciousness, about self worth, self image, self 393 00:24:16.512 --> 00:24:20.234 expertise, imposter syndrome. So I can imagine that, yeah, it's a big 394 00:24:20.272 --> 00:24:24.058 ass for people who are not confident. Very much so. 395 00:24:24.144 --> 00:24:27.694 And often in the workplace, in 396 00:24:27.732 --> 00:24:31.278 teams, some people have certain skill sets, others 397 00:24:31.364 --> 00:24:35.054 don't. Some are more ambitious than others and 398 00:24:35.092 --> 00:24:38.622 conflict arises and that causes stress and 399 00:24:38.676 --> 00:24:42.370 value systems. If in the workplace 400 00:24:42.710 --> 00:24:46.142 people are not aware of the vision of the organisation, 401 00:24:46.286 --> 00:24:49.982