WEBVTT 1 00:00:07.600 --> 00:00:10.975 Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your 2 00:00:10.975 --> 00:00:14.495 sanctuary for bold conversations that spark change. I'm 3 00:00:14.495 --> 00:00:18.170 Joanne Lockwood, your guide on this journey of exploration into 4 00:00:18.170 --> 00:00:21.870 the heart of inclusion, belonging, and societal 5 00:00:22.170 --> 00:00:25.935 transformation. Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a 6 00:00:25.935 --> 00:00:29.295 world where everyone not only belongs but 7 00:00:29.295 --> 00:00:33.055 thrives? You're not alone. Join me as we 8 00:00:33.055 --> 00:00:36.420 uncover the unseen, challenge the status quo, 9 00:00:36.800 --> 00:00:40.180 and share stories that resonate deep within. 10 00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:44.065 Ready to dive in. Whether you're sipping your morning coffee 11 00:00:44.285 --> 00:00:47.105 or winding down after a long day, let's connect, 12 00:00:47.644 --> 00:00:50.720 reflect, and inspire action together. 13 00:00:51.340 --> 00:00:55.100 Don't forget, you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out 14 00:00:55.100 --> 00:00:57.315 to Jo atseachangehappen.co.uk 15 00:00:59.375 --> 00:01:02.914 to share your insights or to join me on the show. 16 00:01:03.695 --> 00:01:07.450 So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to 17 00:01:07.450 --> 00:01:10.990 ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites. 18 00:01:15.385 --> 00:01:18.985 And today is episode 114 with the 19 00:01:18.985 --> 00:01:22.665 title Kinks and All. And I have 20 00:01:22.665 --> 00:01:26.490 the absolute honor and privilege to welcome Sarah Naylor. Sarah 21 00:01:26.490 --> 00:01:30.330 is the businesswoman who, until last year, ran a recruitment agent 22 00:01:30.330 --> 00:01:34.090 and also a writer, author, and podcast host in her spare 23 00:01:34.090 --> 00:01:37.875 time, I guess. When I asked Sarah to describe her superpower, she said it is 24 00:01:37.875 --> 00:01:41.174 her ability to be herself, 25 00:01:41.715 --> 00:01:45.470 embracing all of her kinks, wrinkles, full boils, 26 00:01:46.170 --> 00:01:50.009 and constantly seeing the positives in everything. Hello, 27 00:01:50.009 --> 00:01:53.424 Sarah. Welcome to the show. Hello, Jo, and thank 28 00:01:53.424 --> 00:01:56.564 you so much for inviting me along. 29 00:01:57.024 --> 00:02:00.110 Absolutely thrilled and honored to be here. It's 30 00:02:00.430 --> 00:02:04.030 absolutely brilliant. And when I just heard you repeating my intro then, I thought I 31 00:02:04.030 --> 00:02:07.710 ought to change that word because foibles sounds like furballs, and I generally don't 32 00:02:07.710 --> 00:02:11.465 have furballs. But 33 00:02:11.465 --> 00:02:14.505 4 boils are good. I it's a boils. Oh, I'm sorry. I used a bit. 34 00:02:14.585 --> 00:02:18.265 4 boils. I don't have 4 boils either. It sounds like the old Ronnie Corbit 35 00:02:18.265 --> 00:02:21.100 sketch. Can I have 4 candles, please? 36 00:02:22.200 --> 00:02:25.880 It's interesting you, you focus on the word 4 boils and not the 37 00:02:25.880 --> 00:02:29.705 word kinks. Wow. So tell me about this. 38 00:02:29.705 --> 00:02:33.245 Tell me about your kinks and all. Oh, right. Well, I think, 39 00:02:33.545 --> 00:02:37.225 personally I mean, let me let me re rewind some, I 40 00:02:37.225 --> 00:02:41.030 don't know, 19 years or so post divorce as I 41 00:02:41.030 --> 00:02:44.870 embarked and recognized, I should say, the opportunity to kick start my 42 00:02:44.870 --> 00:02:48.685 life and recreate my life and have a second opportunity at it in this lifetime. 43 00:02:49.305 --> 00:02:52.665 And I kinda went on a a real fast 44 00:02:52.665 --> 00:02:56.269 track personal development journey. I felt like a sponge. I 45 00:02:56.269 --> 00:02:59.870 was, like, absorbing absolutely everything, and there was 46 00:02:59.870 --> 00:03:03.455 stuff that I'd always been aware of. But once, at the 47 00:03:03.455 --> 00:03:07.215 time, during my my sort of marriages, I wasn't aware of because 48 00:03:07.215 --> 00:03:11.030 of this the situation I found myself in. However, I started to 49 00:03:11.030 --> 00:03:14.870 embark on dating again in my my I'm in my twenties, 50 00:03:14.870 --> 00:03:18.655 in my forties, if you like, just saying yes to stuff 51 00:03:18.655 --> 00:03:22.334 and going out into the world, which I I I haven't 52 00:03:22.334 --> 00:03:26.010 done. Post having having had my son 6 years prior 53 00:03:26.010 --> 00:03:29.290 to getting divorced, I'd not been out. I'd not got a social circle. I'd not 54 00:03:29.290 --> 00:03:33.050 got a network. And so I was really exploring everything, and 55 00:03:33.050 --> 00:03:36.505 that included me, who I was, who I 56 00:03:36.505 --> 00:03:40.345 am, and unlocking, you know, who who 57 00:03:40.345 --> 00:03:43.750 I am. And that is all your your kinks, your foibles, your 58 00:03:43.750 --> 00:03:47.590 furballs, your, you know, your wrinkles. And in terms of 59 00:03:47.590 --> 00:03:51.275 the kinks, you know, yeah. I mean, it's you know, let's let's 60 00:03:51.275 --> 00:03:55.115 start to talk about sex. Let's let's talk sex. Why 61 00:03:55.115 --> 00:03:58.910 not? You know, and understanding what turns you on, what what appeals to you. You 62 00:03:58.910 --> 00:04:02.430 know, that's about understanding who you are as a person and what you 63 00:04:02.430 --> 00:04:06.190 enjoy, and you can only find that out by doing a bit of exploration and 64 00:04:06.190 --> 00:04:09.995 embracing those elements of kink. And, you 65 00:04:09.995 --> 00:04:13.295 know, what is kink? Kink is something that is not 66 00:04:13.754 --> 00:04:17.410 deemed mainstream. It's not deemed the 67 00:04:17.410 --> 00:04:20.770 norm. It's something that's a little bit that the 68 00:04:20.770 --> 00:04:24.595 normal people would say is is out there, but when you're out there, 69 00:04:24.595 --> 00:04:28.115 it's quite normal, if that makes sense. You know? 70 00:04:28.115 --> 00:04:31.955 It's about embracing who you are. And when you start to do that, 71 00:04:31.955 --> 00:04:35.720 this is where the sort of acceptance of the self, acceptance of others, 72 00:04:35.720 --> 00:04:39.240 acceptance of, you know, be just 73 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:42.925 generally accepting people for who they 74 00:04:42.925 --> 00:04:46.525 are, but that comes from accepting yourself as well. Because until you 75 00:04:46.525 --> 00:04:49.565 start to accept who you are and what things that you like and what things 76 00:04:49.565 --> 00:04:53.400 that you don't like, what control do you have when actually you 77 00:04:53.400 --> 00:04:57.080 do have control over your behavior because you aren't your behavior, but it's about going 78 00:04:57.080 --> 00:05:00.735 on that journey about finding out who you are, what you like, what you 79 00:05:00.735 --> 00:05:04.255 love doing, and that comes into those kinky bits too 80 00:05:04.255 --> 00:05:07.960 because, hey. You know, it's good. It's why not? Why not? I I 81 00:05:07.960 --> 00:05:11.419 like wearing latex. You know, I've got a latex account with 62,000 82 00:05:11.720 --> 00:05:15.480 followers that I set up a couple of years ago for fun. You know? 83 00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:19.175 It's great. It's lovely. You know, I'm most of my time in jeans. I'm 84 00:05:19.175 --> 00:05:22.555 in late I'm in Lycra or jeans and don't wear any makeup. 85 00:05:22.695 --> 00:05:26.180 Every sort of 4 to 6 weeks, we get dressed up in latex and take 86 00:05:26.180 --> 00:05:29.860 some photographs, have some fun, share it, and it's it's all above board. It's 87 00:05:29.860 --> 00:05:33.620 just fun. People want to take it another stage, 88 00:05:33.620 --> 00:05:37.245 they can do. You know, we just have me and my partner, we have fun 89 00:05:37.245 --> 00:05:40.845 getting dressed up and yeah. It's kinky. Some people like 90 00:05:40.845 --> 00:05:44.500 feet. Some people like hands. Some people like Hunter welly 91 00:05:44.500 --> 00:05:48.340 boots. You know? It's they're all nature of kinks out there, but 92 00:05:48.340 --> 00:05:52.115 embrace yours and have fun. Oh, it was a long answer. 93 00:05:52.235 --> 00:05:56.075 This. No. I'm loving I'm loving it. It's, I 94 00:05:56.075 --> 00:05:59.712 said, think about the word kink, and and you talk you 95 00:05:59.712 --> 00:06:03.167 use the word normal people. And I'm thinking, 96 00:06:03.167 --> 00:06:06.560 actually, wherever whoever we can describe normal as, normal 97 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:10.305 people have kinks. Normal people have things they will 98 00:06:10.305 --> 00:06:13.845 never talk about. They won't share. They're embarrassed. Yeah. Or their 99 00:06:13.905 --> 00:06:17.380 their private things in their own bedroom with a partner 100 00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:20.960 or or more than one partner or in their own in their own, 101 00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:25.465 time. So, yeah, I think we all have something in our heads, an 102 00:06:25.465 --> 00:06:28.985 alter ego, a fantasy. Mhmm. It's just that some 103 00:06:28.985 --> 00:06:32.505 people are able to share that to the world as you do with your 104 00:06:32.505 --> 00:06:34.605 Instagram site, and some people aren't. 105 00:06:36.330 --> 00:06:40.009 So why are we so afraid to talk 106 00:06:40.009 --> 00:06:43.705 about these, yeah, as you say, kinks? I 107 00:06:43.705 --> 00:06:47.305 think it's because it's society. It's other people's 108 00:06:47.305 --> 00:06:50.905 impressions, you know, and it's always people get fearful. People get 109 00:06:50.905 --> 00:06:54.530 worried about what people will think about them. You know? It's 110 00:06:55.470 --> 00:06:58.189 and this is where the acceptance of the self comes in. Because once you start 111 00:06:58.189 --> 00:07:01.895 to accept yourself for who you are, you become more 112 00:07:01.895 --> 00:07:05.275 resilient, and what other people think is 113 00:07:05.415 --> 00:07:09.170 irrelevant. And if they don't like it, it's it's their stuff. 114 00:07:09.250 --> 00:07:12.930 It's not for you to change it's not for you to change to appease anybody 115 00:07:12.930 --> 00:07:16.450 else. And that that would if we can we move away from the word kink 116 00:07:16.450 --> 00:07:19.825 or kinks, but but literally just look at people being 117 00:07:19.825 --> 00:07:23.505 themselves, identifying with who they are, understanding what they are 118 00:07:23.505 --> 00:07:27.125 and who they are and what that looks like to them. Once you 119 00:07:27.380 --> 00:07:31.080 identify that, you're gonna live a happier and healthier life as a result. But as 120 00:07:31.460 --> 00:07:34.040 you start to if you start to keep on 121 00:07:35.285 --> 00:07:39.125 changing who you are to appease other people, that's never 122 00:07:39.125 --> 00:07:42.165 gonna work. You're going to be out of alignment. You're not going to be happy. 123 00:07:42.165 --> 00:07:45.330 You could end up with sort of different ailments and problems and issues and things 124 00:07:45.330 --> 00:07:49.090 like that that are going to cause, yeah, cause 125 00:07:49.090 --> 00:07:52.770 you cause you dis disease. You know, you're going to be dis you know, 126 00:07:52.770 --> 00:07:56.465 with not in flow with yourself. You're going to be out of 127 00:07:56.465 --> 00:08:00.065 your your flow. And when you're in flow, it's when you've accepted 128 00:08:00.065 --> 00:08:03.830 yourself. And then when you come into the kinks, if you're accepting those, it's 129 00:08:04.070 --> 00:08:07.590 if if you don't want to share them with the world, that's absolutely fine, but 130 00:08:07.590 --> 00:08:10.425 it's understanding and accepting it within yourself. 131 00:08:12.005 --> 00:08:15.525 And that's yeah. That is the part of that exploration and 132 00:08:15.525 --> 00:08:19.030 understanding about who you 133 00:08:19.030 --> 00:08:22.870 are, but not being fearful. And 134 00:08:22.870 --> 00:08:26.710 that's why I stepped out really to to walk my talk, because I've always 135 00:08:26.710 --> 00:08:30.395 been in part of my whole ethos in terms of 136 00:08:30.415 --> 00:08:34.255 my coaching practice, my way of being, and people that come into 137 00:08:34.255 --> 00:08:38.059 my orbit. I love encouraging other people to be exactly 138 00:08:38.120 --> 00:08:41.959 who they are. Don't worry about what other people think because that 139 00:08:41.959 --> 00:08:45.195 is just their stuff. We're all on this planet to learn. We're all in this 140 00:08:45.195 --> 00:08:47.935 planet to have this lifetime that we have 141 00:08:48.635 --> 00:08:52.315 preselected, I believe, to come in and experience. And unless we 142 00:08:52.315 --> 00:08:55.260 deal with what's delivered to us, 143 00:08:56.040 --> 00:08:59.560 we won't progress. And it's that old adage of, you know, you keep doing the 144 00:08:59.560 --> 00:09:01.959 same thing, you get the same results. So if you keep on wanting a different 145 00:09:01.959 --> 00:09:05.195 life, but you're not making any changes, and you're stuck in that mode of trying 146 00:09:05.195 --> 00:09:08.955 to please Bill, Jane, or whoever it is because you think that 147 00:09:08.955 --> 00:09:12.060 they'll like you more if you be how who they want you to be, but 148 00:09:12.060 --> 00:09:15.660 you'll never appease them because they will always want you to be something else. But 149 00:09:15.660 --> 00:09:18.860 you've got to be you for who you are, then you'll attract the people into 150 00:09:18.860 --> 00:09:22.505 your life who want to be around you for who you 151 00:09:22.725 --> 00:09:26.425 are, not because they you're you're you are who they want. 152 00:09:27.270 --> 00:09:30.870 They want yes. You know what I mean? I'm getting wrapped up round my words, 153 00:09:30.870 --> 00:09:34.490 but, you know, I've got an issue, unfortunately, with my son who thinks that I 154 00:09:34.954 --> 00:09:38.795 should behave a certain way, and I won't. You know, I've had it's been difficult. 155 00:09:38.795 --> 00:09:42.230 It's been very, very hard, but I've had to stand my ground. As a, you 156 00:09:42.230 --> 00:09:45.670 know, as a result, we've not spoken for a year, but I 157 00:09:45.670 --> 00:09:49.269 cannot be dictated to by my son as to how 158 00:09:49.269 --> 00:09:52.985 I should live my life because my life is my 159 00:09:52.985 --> 00:09:56.584 life, and your life is your life. How you want to live it is 160 00:09:56.584 --> 00:09:59.970 entirely to you. And as long as you are living your 161 00:09:59.970 --> 00:10:03.430 life for you from a heart centered 162 00:10:03.970 --> 00:10:07.795 perspective and you are not doing anything 163 00:10:07.935 --> 00:10:11.454 overtly, deliberately, on purpose to hurt or 164 00:10:11.454 --> 00:10:15.160 upset or offend anybody, then that is all your business. 165 00:10:15.160 --> 00:10:18.780 You be you because you are gonna forge a way 166 00:10:18.920 --> 00:10:22.575 for change for other people. I know from doing my, you know, my account, 167 00:10:22.575 --> 00:10:26.415 other people have gained confidence in wearing sort 168 00:10:26.415 --> 00:10:30.149 of latex or being themselves more so because, you 169 00:10:30.149 --> 00:10:33.910 know, they can once certain people start to see you doing something, then 170 00:10:33.910 --> 00:10:37.645 it makes it more accessible to them as well. So it's it's really 171 00:10:37.645 --> 00:10:40.925 important that we aren't all sheep. You know? And we're not 172 00:10:41.725 --> 00:10:45.090 I don't wanna be Barbie. I don't wanna be Ken. I don't want to be 173 00:10:45.090 --> 00:10:48.590 a cutout, you know, reproduced item. I am 174 00:10:48.970 --> 00:10:52.685 me. You know, I remember going back into this into the nineties and 175 00:10:52.845 --> 00:10:56.145 working for a a national international, actually, recruitment business, 176 00:10:56.685 --> 00:11:00.525 and, then wearing then sort of starting to wear a trouser suit. Now 177 00:11:00.525 --> 00:11:04.070 we're talking about I had to conform to 178 00:11:04.290 --> 00:11:08.070 that was a that was a Kelly girl, and I had to wear, 179 00:11:08.529 --> 00:11:12.295 you know, skirts and a a blouse and sort of little little heeled shoes, that 180 00:11:12.295 --> 00:11:15.894 kind of thing. And I thought, no. I I'm gonna wear, you know, I 181 00:11:15.894 --> 00:11:19.654 wanna wear trousers. I wore I bought, you know, really nice silk 182 00:11:19.654 --> 00:11:23.480 brown trouser suits. I wanted to wear trousers. I thought, come and beat me up 183 00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:25.880 with a stick. You know, I don't you know, I've not got a problem with 184 00:11:25.880 --> 00:11:29.640 the the guys wearing skirts. Who says who says 185 00:11:29.640 --> 00:11:33.274 what we should wear? Seriously, who is it that makes up these rules, and what 186 00:11:33.274 --> 00:11:37.115 is it about a skirt being a skirt in one language Joanne actually it being 187 00:11:37.115 --> 00:11:40.509 something completely different in another language? You know, a kilt is a kilt is a 188 00:11:40.509 --> 00:11:43.949 skirt. You know, a a a long dress in some in some 189 00:11:43.949 --> 00:11:47.550 religions is is called something, but in this it's 190 00:11:47.550 --> 00:11:50.995 just ridiculous. Wear what you want to wear and be 191 00:11:50.995 --> 00:11:54.514 happy. You know? Seriously, folks. Just be 192 00:11:54.514 --> 00:11:58.190 yourself. Does it really matter? Who cares 193 00:11:58.250 --> 00:12:02.089 really? But there's there's still you you talked about yourself. 194 00:12:02.089 --> 00:12:05.905 You know? There's there's there's kind of 2 2 demons at play in 195 00:12:05.905 --> 00:12:09.125 this sort of something, isn't it? There's there's the embracing 196 00:12:09.345 --> 00:12:12.245 yourself Mhmm. And allowing yourself 197 00:12:13.940 --> 00:12:17.779 to be explore different sides of you, your kings, your 198 00:12:17.779 --> 00:12:21.480 identity, your sexuality, your hobbies, whatever it may be. 199 00:12:21.620 --> 00:12:25.365 And then the other side of that is sharing being able to 200 00:12:25.365 --> 00:12:29.204 share that with other people. Mhmm. So sometimes we can indulge 201 00:12:29.204 --> 00:12:32.579 ourselves as a private thing, whatever that may 202 00:12:32.880 --> 00:12:36.399 be, but to tell others. And you 203 00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:39.759 mentioned the fact your your son doesn't 204 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:43.515 embrace the whole you at the moment. I mean, 205 00:12:43.515 --> 00:12:47.115 I've been through a stage of my life where my daughter didn't embrace the whole 206 00:12:47.115 --> 00:12:50.829 of me, and that took a couple of years to work its way out and 207 00:12:50.829 --> 00:12:54.589 to resolve when we're there now. But that that fear of judgment, 208 00:12:54.589 --> 00:12:58.430 that fear of rejection, that fear of loss, that fear of getting it wrong, 209 00:12:58.430 --> 00:13:02.255 that fear of losing something is really, really powerful and keeps people 210 00:13:02.255 --> 00:13:05.855 in their box, in their lane, and behind the wardrobe. It 211 00:13:05.855 --> 00:13:09.680 can do. Yes. If you allow it to. And now this the key 212 00:13:09.680 --> 00:13:13.480 is understanding you are in control of your behavior. If you can recognize that it 213 00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:17.085 is that that fear as you've called it. But we have 214 00:13:17.085 --> 00:13:20.765 control over how we experience the world. But once you actually 215 00:13:20.765 --> 00:13:23.485 recognize it for what it is I mean, I I've done a lot of somatic 216 00:13:23.485 --> 00:13:26.860 healing because of all the stuff that kicked off for me personally last year that 217 00:13:26.860 --> 00:13:29.660 was off the back of my son. I had a lot of other things. Everything 218 00:13:29.660 --> 00:13:33.120 was ambushed me all at the same time last year. I 219 00:13:33.180 --> 00:13:36.324 survived. I'm still here. And the the fear 220 00:13:37.264 --> 00:13:40.865 fear is something that we had back if we go 221 00:13:40.865 --> 00:13:43.985 back historically to living in caves, you you know, you you've got to have that 222 00:13:43.985 --> 00:13:47.470 fear to stop you from running out and getting eaten by a bear. And in 223 00:13:47.470 --> 00:13:50.190 these days, it stops you from really running out in front of a bus, and 224 00:13:50.190 --> 00:13:53.835 you've you know, it's about being mindful about that level of fear. But 225 00:13:53.835 --> 00:13:57.195 fear is something that you can create in your own mind, but once you actually 226 00:13:57.195 --> 00:14:00.930 recognize it, it's what is the worst that can happen? Seriously, what is the worst 227 00:14:00.930 --> 00:14:04.470 that can happen? If it happens, you deal with it. But it's 228 00:14:05.089 --> 00:14:08.709 not allowing it to to to freeze you. It's about 229 00:14:08.769 --> 00:14:12.595 thinking about what response that you not response. What 230 00:14:12.595 --> 00:14:16.355 outcome you want and how it portrays what you put out is 231 00:14:16.355 --> 00:14:19.920 what you get back. So if you're projecting fear, you will 232 00:14:19.920 --> 00:14:23.600 attract stuff in that is going to be negative and fearful. When 233 00:14:23.600 --> 00:14:26.420 I first opened up my 234 00:14:27.435 --> 00:14:30.175 Instagram account, I got some horrific, 235 00:14:31.035 --> 00:14:34.654 horrible comments, and it's just like and it's hurtful. 236 00:14:34.795 --> 00:14:38.580 You know? It is hurtful. Then he's like, no. Let me get out of my 237 00:14:38.580 --> 00:14:41.960 own way with this. This is this is somebody sitting behind, 238 00:14:42.660 --> 00:14:46.425 you know, a blank screen. They're not presenting themselves. They're 239 00:14:46.425 --> 00:14:50.185 not stepping out of their comfort zone. They're just sitting there trolling to make themselves 240 00:14:50.185 --> 00:14:53.750 feel better. And, actually, that's quite sad because they're clearly deeply sad 241 00:14:53.750 --> 00:14:57.590 inside that they feel that by casting aspersions to other 242 00:14:57.590 --> 00:15:01.110 people, that is going to make them feel better because their project what what 243 00:15:01.110 --> 00:15:04.605 happens is people transfer that stuff 244 00:15:04.985 --> 00:15:08.825 to remove it from them. And if you accept it, you're helping them, 245 00:15:08.825 --> 00:15:12.610 but actually if you put boundaries in place and go, no. So I would 246 00:15:12.670 --> 00:15:16.430 report, block, delete because you don't want it 247 00:15:16.430 --> 00:15:20.270 resonating. The minute I see a negative comment, I just delete it. I 248 00:15:20.270 --> 00:15:23.665 could respond. Occasionally, I get drawn in to respond and go, Sarah, 249 00:15:24.365 --> 00:15:28.045 no. You're just wasting your energy because these people want to draw on your 250 00:15:28.045 --> 00:15:31.780 energy. They want to siphon it. They're energy vampires. They want to suck 251 00:15:31.780 --> 00:15:35.400 they want to suck you in to make themselves feel better. 252 00:15:36.151 --> 00:15:39.785 Jo. Do you know what? I've got an amazing array of 253 00:15:39.785 --> 00:15:43.545 friends these days from having 19 years ago, having started 254 00:15:43.545 --> 00:15:47.220 from scratch, literally starting from scratch. I I got 255 00:15:47.220 --> 00:15:50.740 any real friends. My one friend had moved to France, one friend was 256 00:15:50.740 --> 00:15:54.500 traveling India, and one friend was in Wiltshire or something like that. Those were the 257 00:15:54.500 --> 00:15:58.195 only people that kind of loosely got as friends. But I I kick 258 00:15:58.195 --> 00:16:01.875 started my life and and and and have built it up to the where it 259 00:16:01.875 --> 00:16:05.440 is today. And I've got friends and contacts globally, and they're 260 00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:09.220 brilliant people. And they're people like yourself, Joanne. You know, they're people 261 00:16:09.280 --> 00:16:13.060 who want the best for the world. They want a better outcome. They want 262 00:16:13.195 --> 00:16:17.035 the world to be a better place, and that's why you're doing what 263 00:16:17.035 --> 00:16:20.395 you're doing. It's why I do what I do. It's through my coaching, and I've 264 00:16:20.395 --> 00:16:24.100 got my own podcast. I'm I'm not on Insight Timer as well. I'm creating 265 00:16:24.100 --> 00:16:27.860 content on there, and it's all for the greater good. You know? 266 00:16:27.860 --> 00:16:31.535 I I want people to be happy. I want people to know that they are 267 00:16:31.615 --> 00:16:34.655 they don't have to live the life that they are living. You can change. You 268 00:16:34.655 --> 00:16:38.495 can put a new program into your into your mindset. You go, actually, do 269 00:16:38.495 --> 00:16:41.960 you know what? No. You can once you hear that monkey chat, you 270 00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:45.720 go, no. I mean, just Jo. No. 271 00:16:45.720 --> 00:16:49.545 What what do I want? And and and it's reframing it, rewording it 272 00:16:49.545 --> 00:16:53.305 in a positive manner, using positive scenarios and situations. You 273 00:16:53.305 --> 00:16:57.100 know, it's tricking tricking your subconscious. There's the old phrase of fake it 274 00:16:57.100 --> 00:17:00.540 till you make it, but there's a there's a truth in that because if you 275 00:17:00.540 --> 00:17:03.905 step into we were starting to talk about the quantum now. If you step 276 00:17:03.905 --> 00:17:07.685 into that energy flow that is the quantum because there's a myriad 277 00:17:07.744 --> 00:17:11.369 of potential opportunities for you depending on what decisions 278 00:17:11.369 --> 00:17:15.210 you make. But, actually, if you perceive what you actually want 279 00:17:15.210 --> 00:17:18.730 to do in the future, you can and start to act like it's happened 280 00:17:18.730 --> 00:17:22.414 already, then it will it will it will track its way in. But if you 281 00:17:22.414 --> 00:17:25.855 constantly think of all the negative stuff, all you'll end up doing is dragging yourself 282 00:17:25.855 --> 00:17:29.600 down, giving other people your energy, and feeling like a little sort 283 00:17:29.600 --> 00:17:32.800 of lost lost hope in the corner, which is fine. It might be part of 284 00:17:32.800 --> 00:17:36.240 your learning. But if you want to progress, you've actually got to take 285 00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:39.395 action. You just said yeah. I I completely resonate with, and 286 00:17:41.054 --> 00:17:44.755 I I I was I I actually did an interview on on GB News yesterday 287 00:17:44.895 --> 00:17:48.360 discussing a fairly high profile employment 288 00:17:48.360 --> 00:17:51.880 tribunal case against a teacher who would not respect one of his 289 00:17:51.880 --> 00:17:55.320 transgender pupils. So I'd hold on GB News. I put it on Facebook afterwards. 290 00:17:55.320 --> 00:17:58.845 And I I so my friends on Facebook were all kind of 291 00:17:58.845 --> 00:18:02.205 like, oh, wow. I couldn't have gone on there. Wow. You know, other trans people 292 00:18:02.205 --> 00:18:05.309 and I was, oh, would you wanna go into that that that den of inequity 293 00:18:05.309 --> 00:18:08.910 for? What do you wanna go to be bathe in the GP GB News 294 00:18:08.910 --> 00:18:12.475 area? So most of the people I knew, who are 295 00:18:12.475 --> 00:18:16.315 my friends, were kind of in, I wouldn't do that. That's too scary for 296 00:18:16.315 --> 00:18:19.980 me. How how could I possibly put myself out there? Course, then I went to 297 00:18:19.980 --> 00:18:23.740 the GB News website and looked at all the comments that were developing under the 298 00:18:23.740 --> 00:18:27.535 under the and I thought, it's almost like playing hate bingo, isn't it? Yeah. 299 00:18:27.535 --> 00:18:30.335 Oh, yeah. Tick. You got that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We got that one. Tick. Thank 300 00:18:30.335 --> 00:18:33.955 you. I'll I'll add that one. Oh, you missed 1. Oh, you haven't. 301 00:18:34.190 --> 00:18:37.470 I popped them to Twitter this morning. I thought, oh, yeah. Here's here's the here's 302 00:18:37.470 --> 00:18:41.225 the rest of the comments on Twitter. And I thought they're all predictable. And 303 00:18:41.385 --> 00:18:44.985 I I've I've kinda got a policy there. You know? I've got I get 304 00:18:44.985 --> 00:18:48.745 trolled on YouTube, my channels. Every everywhere I go, I get trolled on it, and 305 00:18:48.745 --> 00:18:52.490 to some degree, TikTok. And I've kind of developed this kind 306 00:18:52.490 --> 00:18:55.850 of I just leave it. I just I I I I leave the comments there 307 00:18:55.850 --> 00:18:59.585 because other people need to see them as well. Mhmm. And for me, 308 00:18:59.585 --> 00:19:03.345 it it's it's people who are positive towards me, towards what I do, and 309 00:19:03.345 --> 00:19:07.150 how I do it, need to see my lived experience about what 310 00:19:07.150 --> 00:19:10.510 I wake up to Mhmm. And what my notifications on my phone pop up. They 311 00:19:10.510 --> 00:19:14.345 jump into my head all this time. So I can I can frame it 312 00:19:14.345 --> 00:19:18.105 as graffiti and just drive past it and ignore it? I 313 00:19:18.105 --> 00:19:20.904 don't I don't internalize most of it. Because most of it, they they don't know 314 00:19:20.904 --> 00:19:24.410 me. It's not personal. It's just they just get say 315 00:19:24.550 --> 00:19:28.310 to the world, aren't they? Mhmm. So yeah. But it's 316 00:19:29.030 --> 00:19:32.794 it does take a little bit of personal I'm not gonna 317 00:19:32.794 --> 00:19:35.934 say the word courage, whatever that may be, vigor, 318 00:19:36.155 --> 00:19:40.000 determination, confidence to be able to do this. And most 319 00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:43.840 people step back and go, oh, wow. You I could do what 320 00:19:43.840 --> 00:19:46.799 you do. And that that that's that's the barrier a lot of people face, isn't 321 00:19:46.799 --> 00:19:50.385 it? It is. And I think there's a lot to do with this the I 322 00:19:50.385 --> 00:19:53.025 mean, if we're coming back down to sort of spirit and soul, it depends where 323 00:19:53.025 --> 00:19:55.905 you are in your soul journey. And I think, you know, there are different levels 324 00:19:55.905 --> 00:19:59.700 of how many lifetimes, what you've lived through, what you want to learn, 325 00:19:59.700 --> 00:20:03.460 and then some people want to some people come into the lifetime to trigger other 326 00:20:03.460 --> 00:20:06.195 things in other people. So the stuff that people do I mean, it's a it's 327 00:20:06.195 --> 00:20:09.395 a hard one to thing to sort of digest, but people that do things that 328 00:20:09.395 --> 00:20:12.595 are bad then are creating as an opportunity for other people to learn, to evolve, 329 00:20:12.595 --> 00:20:16.220 and to get, you know, go through that so that they are playing 330 00:20:16.220 --> 00:20:18.860 their part in this. And it's just a big computer game. I'm just convinced we're 331 00:20:18.860 --> 00:20:22.695 in a big computer game, you know, John. I really do. It's like Yeah. Who 332 00:20:22.695 --> 00:20:25.735 knows? Who knows? I do you know what? This is this is a funny thing. 333 00:20:25.735 --> 00:20:29.575 I've I've gone completely off topic now, but I watched it off documentary many, many 334 00:20:29.575 --> 00:20:33.290 years ago, and it really sort of struck a chord with me because 335 00:20:33.290 --> 00:20:36.810 I saw it was this it was about the water 336 00:20:36.810 --> 00:20:40.655 coming back to some big desert area or 337 00:20:40.655 --> 00:20:44.015 canyon or something like in the states. And I thought, you know you know, you 338 00:20:44.015 --> 00:20:47.405 sort of talk about microcosms and, you know, 339 00:20:47.799 --> 00:20:51.159 whatever. Yeah. That that that sort of that pot of water, you know, let's say 340 00:20:51.159 --> 00:20:54.600 it's like a a a plate full of water. To that plate full of water, 341 00:20:54.600 --> 00:20:58.295 those microscopic animals, not animals. I don't 342 00:20:58.295 --> 00:21:01.735 I don't know the word. Or organisms. Microcosmos. That'll do. 343 00:21:01.735 --> 00:21:05.410 Yes. Organisms as opposed to orgasms, that's something else. We'll go back to sex afterwards. 344 00:21:06.850 --> 00:21:10.530 But organisms in the water, for them, what they can see, 345 00:21:10.530 --> 00:21:14.195 that is their world, isn't it? That is their world. But, actually, that 346 00:21:14.195 --> 00:21:18.034 that pot of water is just as it gets bigger, it gets bigger, it 347 00:21:18.034 --> 00:21:21.659 gets bigger. And that they are just within a big 348 00:21:21.659 --> 00:21:25.419 pond, then it becomes a lake. It becomes an ocean. It becomes but they 349 00:21:25.419 --> 00:21:28.720 have no concept of anything beyond that. 350 00:21:29.465 --> 00:21:32.904 And aren't we the same as that? We are just this sort of 351 00:21:32.904 --> 00:21:36.585 dot in this huge, huge context of everything, 352 00:21:36.585 --> 00:21:40.120 and we we don't know what we don't know because we can't see 353 00:21:40.120 --> 00:21:43.560 it. But because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there, but we're all 354 00:21:43.560 --> 00:21:47.265 energy. We are made up of more energy than we are matter. So 355 00:21:47.265 --> 00:21:50.945 it depends on where we are on this sort of this mortal coil right 356 00:21:50.945 --> 00:21:54.545 now as to how we behave. However, we do have that control over our 357 00:21:54.545 --> 00:21:58.290 behavior and anybody that is fearful. Just try stepping out of 358 00:21:58.290 --> 00:22:02.130 that comfort zone. Because the comfort zone, it isn't it's a silly 359 00:22:02.130 --> 00:22:05.004 word for it really, isn't it? Because it's not a comfort zone at all. It 360 00:22:05.085 --> 00:22:08.465 it's a it's a it's a zone that doesn't really take you anywhere. It keeps 361 00:22:08.924 --> 00:22:12.605 you doing the status quo. And if you're happy with that, that's absolutely fine. 362 00:22:12.605 --> 00:22:16.050 However, if you want something to be different, you do have to step out. I 363 00:22:16.050 --> 00:22:19.809 mean, last year, my business went into administration. My my son 364 00:22:19.809 --> 00:22:23.030 stopped speaking to me to sell my car to pay my mortgage. 365 00:22:24.385 --> 00:22:27.925 Yeah. It was pretty brutal last year, but 366 00:22:28.305 --> 00:22:30.485 survived. Still here. Hello. 367 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:36.799 Yeah. I've I've I've still got that t shirt somewhere. I've, I've I've 368 00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:39.620 been there as well. The you when you get to the bottom, 369 00:22:40.705 --> 00:22:44.544 it's it's, there's nothing left. I remember the, the 370 00:22:44.544 --> 00:22:47.264 person who came to collect my BMW and put it on the back of a 371 00:22:47.264 --> 00:22:50.960 low loader. Mhmm. He started inspecting it and saying, oh, there's a chip here, and 372 00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:54.720 there's this here, and there's that there. And he said, are you 373 00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:58.214 okay? I said, yeah. He said, you're smiling. I said, yeah. I said, I'm just 374 00:22:58.294 --> 00:23:01.254 I've just got bust. You know, you could tell me what if you like. It 375 00:23:01.254 --> 00:23:03.894 doesn't matter to me. All I want you to do is take the car away. 376 00:23:03.894 --> 00:23:07.550 It doesn't yeah. Just just go for it. Don't don't bother me with this trivia 377 00:23:07.550 --> 00:23:10.910 about how much you you're gonna charge me for stuff. It's like, you don't have 378 00:23:10.910 --> 00:23:13.630 to get any more money out of me. Yeah. So I kinda laughed. It was 379 00:23:13.630 --> 00:23:17.385 like it was like, but people are normally angry with me. I think, well, yeah. 380 00:23:17.385 --> 00:23:20.045 Have a good treat this as your bonus day. 381 00:23:21.225 --> 00:23:25.050 But what what you've demonstrated there is that sort of that surrendering, and 382 00:23:25.050 --> 00:23:28.890 that's that's what I had to do probably 2 or 3, 4 times last year. 383 00:23:28.890 --> 00:23:32.490 And even just recently, I've had to surrender and get out of my own way, 384 00:23:32.490 --> 00:23:36.315 and that is something that is really put important to sort of acknowledge 385 00:23:36.315 --> 00:23:39.775 and take note of because we can't we can't control 386 00:23:39.835 --> 00:23:43.275 stuff. You know? And and when we try and control things, we're not in 387 00:23:43.275 --> 00:23:46.940 flow with our own energy, and that's when you start to come up against resistance. 388 00:23:46.940 --> 00:23:50.620 You're going, right. It's not worth it's not happening. It's not how I wanted it 389 00:23:50.620 --> 00:23:53.405 to be. Yeah. Well, you might think it's not how you want it to be, 390 00:23:53.405 --> 00:23:56.805 but it's how it's meant to be. So when you kinda go with this flow 391 00:23:56.925 --> 00:24:00.700 and I I very much trust now my sort of instinct, my intuition. It's not 392 00:24:00.700 --> 00:24:04.460 to say I don't have my moments. Like I said, just recently, I because 393 00:24:04.460 --> 00:24:08.125 of all the things that have gone on last year, my my money that 394 00:24:08.125 --> 00:24:11.885 I've got is caught up into bricks and mortar. But in terms of a day 395 00:24:11.885 --> 00:24:15.405 to day income, it's not where it was, let's put it this way, 3 or 396 00:24:15.405 --> 00:24:19.049 4 years ago. And I I'm used to and I have done for 397 00:24:19.049 --> 00:24:22.830 40 odd years, you know, been able to 398 00:24:23.130 --> 00:24:26.875 be completely self sufficient, and I've always been, you know, 399 00:24:26.875 --> 00:24:30.715 main contributor to household incomes. And when you're not and 400 00:24:30.715 --> 00:24:34.460 when you're reliant upon somebody else, it's kinda like, this isn't oh, 401 00:24:34.460 --> 00:24:37.820