WEBVTT 1 00:00:07.919 --> 00:00:11.305 Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your 2 00:00:11.305 --> 00:00:14.825 sanctuary for bold conversations that spark change. I'm 3 00:00:14.825 --> 00:00:18.500 Joanne Lockwood, your guide on this journey of exploration into 4 00:00:18.500 --> 00:00:22.200 the heart of inclusion, belonging, and societal 5 00:00:22.500 --> 00:00:26.265 transformation. Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a 6 00:00:26.265 --> 00:00:30.045 world where everyone not only belongs but thrives? 7 00:00:30.345 --> 00:00:34.184 You're not alone. Join me as we uncover the 8 00:00:34.184 --> 00:00:37.800 unseen, challenge the status quo, and share 9 00:00:37.800 --> 00:00:41.560 stories that resonate deep within. Ready to dive 10 00:00:41.560 --> 00:00:45.145 in. Whether you're sipping your morning coffee or winding 11 00:00:45.145 --> 00:00:48.445 down after a long day, let's connect, reflect, 12 00:00:48.825 --> 00:00:52.390 and inspire action together. Don't forget, 13 00:00:52.850 --> 00:00:55.890 you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out to 14 00:00:55.950 --> 00:00:57.645 jo.Lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk 15 00:00:59.705 --> 00:01:03.325 to share your insights or to join me on the show. 16 00:01:04.025 --> 00:01:07.750 So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to 17 00:01:07.750 --> 00:01:11.290 ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites. 18 00:01:15.365 --> 00:01:19.125 And today is episode 119 with the 19 00:01:19.125 --> 00:01:21.705 title, Leading with Authenticity. 20 00:01:22.900 --> 00:01:25.799 And I have the absolute honor and privilege to welcome 21 00:01:26.500 --> 00:01:30.020 Dr Shelley Jones-Holt. Shelley is a courageous leadership 22 00:01:30.020 --> 00:01:33.715 coach, author, and speaker. When I asked 23 00:01:33.715 --> 00:01:37.235 Shelley to describe her superpower, she said, it is her 24 00:01:37.235 --> 00:01:40.510 ability to bring people together that think 25 00:01:41.130 --> 00:01:44.909 about the world and have experienced society differently 26 00:01:45.369 --> 00:01:49.104 and creating a safe space for them to be authentic with each other 27 00:01:49.104 --> 00:01:52.705 so that they can take brave actions together. Hello, 28 00:01:52.705 --> 00:01:56.439 Shelley. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me, 29 00:01:56.439 --> 00:02:00.280 Jo. It's awesome to be here. And number 119, that has 30 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:03.259 to be a special number. Maybe we'll play those numbers or something. 31 00:02:04.575 --> 00:02:08.255 Oh, yeah. Completely. There must be some sort of fen 32 00:02:08.255 --> 00:02:11.775 tui or some sort of alignment of the planets that, that's our number 33 00:02:11.775 --> 00:02:15.530 today. Jo, yeah, absolutely fantastic. So, Shelley, we were chatting in the 34 00:02:15.530 --> 00:02:17.849 green room before we came on, and we were talking about a lot of things. 35 00:02:17.849 --> 00:02:21.335 And the thing that came out of it was about being authentic, this authenticity. 36 00:02:21.575 --> 00:02:25.335 So how do we lead with authenticity? There there 37 00:02:25.335 --> 00:02:29.069 are so many ways, and I have to say that part of 38 00:02:29.069 --> 00:02:32.830 the reason that I love the title leading with authenticity is 39 00:02:32.830 --> 00:02:36.635 because so many times we we experience leadership where 40 00:02:36.635 --> 00:02:40.475 people are, quote, unquote, trying to lead. And this 41 00:02:40.475 --> 00:02:44.175 idea of leading with authenticity, it implies that 42 00:02:44.395 --> 00:02:47.870 you are enough, and you are amazing just as you 43 00:02:47.870 --> 00:02:51.630 are, and there shouldn't be a different way that we need to show 44 00:02:51.630 --> 00:02:55.415 up to be, quote, unquote, authentic. And so 45 00:02:55.635 --> 00:02:59.395 many times people feel like they need to almost fake authenticity or they 46 00:02:59.395 --> 00:03:02.650 need to, you know, oh, I'm trying to lead in this way. And it's like, 47 00:03:02.650 --> 00:03:05.950 well, just be yourself and be honest and open and 48 00:03:06.170 --> 00:03:09.849 transparent with what it is you're trying to do. And trust 49 00:03:09.849 --> 00:03:13.055 that if you are open and honest and transparent, 50 00:03:13.515 --> 00:03:17.275 people will will feel that, will feed off of that, and that's 51 00:03:17.275 --> 00:03:20.875 how you will grow people to follow you. And it's also how you'll 52 00:03:20.875 --> 00:03:24.700 build other leaders. Confident, authentic leaders breed 53 00:03:24.700 --> 00:03:28.459 and build confident, authentic leaders. And in this world right 54 00:03:28.459 --> 00:03:32.185 now with the way things are, there are so many people 55 00:03:32.185 --> 00:03:35.625 that are leading from a place of fear, or they're leading from a place 56 00:03:35.625 --> 00:03:39.440 of of feeling the need to please 57 00:03:39.440 --> 00:03:43.140 the hierarchy or please certain people in order to get opportunities 58 00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:47.355 that I truly believe that those who are truly at their 59 00:03:47.355 --> 00:03:51.115 core authentic leaders, they're such a rare art form that 60 00:03:51.115 --> 00:03:54.370 those are going to be the leaders of tomorrow because they don't have to think 61 00:03:54.370 --> 00:03:58.210 about what it is they're doing. They're just being. And then as a result, they 62 00:03:58.210 --> 00:04:01.510 lead from a place of being. So leading with authenticity, 63 00:04:02.705 --> 00:04:06.545 it it requires courage, which we're gonna talk about in a moment. And there are 64 00:04:06.545 --> 00:04:10.385 a lot of courageous things that we can do to lead, not just 65 00:04:10.385 --> 00:04:14.180 in the places we work, but leading where we live, leading where we 66 00:04:14.180 --> 00:04:17.860 learn, and leading where we earn in a way that we can be proud 67 00:04:17.860 --> 00:04:21.324 of that will truly change the world. So this idea of 68 00:04:21.324 --> 00:04:25.005 courageous authentic leadership is very near and dear to my heart, and I do 69 00:04:25.005 --> 00:04:28.660 believe it authenticity or better yet, 70 00:04:28.660 --> 00:04:32.040 the pulling off the cloaks of fear to to reveal authenticity 71 00:04:32.580 --> 00:04:36.020 can be learned, which means that we're gonna have to unlearn some things to get 72 00:04:36.020 --> 00:04:39.635 there. Yeah. I completely agree. I think I'm a great believer and 73 00:04:39.635 --> 00:04:43.475 advocate, but leadership is a skill and a skill that could be 74 00:04:43.475 --> 00:04:47.100 developed, nurtured, and learned as something we have to develop 75 00:04:47.400 --> 00:04:51.000 always. We can't just I'm a leader now. I stop. It's 76 00:04:51.000 --> 00:04:54.705 about continual improvement. When we look at leadership models 77 00:04:54.705 --> 00:04:57.925 of past, though, we are often authoritarian, 78 00:04:58.544 --> 00:05:02.360 ego driven. How and maybe some new leaders or 79 00:05:02.360 --> 00:05:05.580 people emerging to the leadership field may be role modeling 80 00:05:06.360 --> 00:05:09.740 different behaviors. Jo how can we make sure that we we are authentic 81 00:05:10.034 --> 00:05:13.875 and not ego driven? Oh my goodness. Well, first of all, I 82 00:05:13.875 --> 00:05:17.395 would say that we have to recognize when we're being 83 00:05:17.395 --> 00:05:21.080 inauthentic and the and the triggers that will 84 00:05:21.780 --> 00:05:25.460 create that in in in that lack of authenticity, if you 85 00:05:25.460 --> 00:05:28.955 will. And so knowing that when you get into 86 00:05:28.955 --> 00:05:32.255 prickly situations, when you get into difficult situations, 87 00:05:32.475 --> 00:05:36.030 unsure situations, or you're dealing with people who are different from 88 00:05:36.030 --> 00:05:39.790 yourself that you typically may not may feel a 89 00:05:39.790 --> 00:05:43.635 little bit of trepidation with dealing with. And being honest 90 00:05:43.635 --> 00:05:47.155 and open with ourselves about that will help us 91 00:05:47.155 --> 00:05:50.835 realize, oh, I may have a tendency to be inauthentic in 92 00:05:50.835 --> 00:05:54.230 this place and space. Now that I can recognize 93 00:05:54.530 --> 00:05:57.990 that the propensity to be inauthentic, I can be intentional 94 00:05:58.130 --> 00:06:01.925 about interrupting that that feeling, that thought, and figure 95 00:06:01.925 --> 00:06:05.765 out, like, what is my authentic place and space in this? What's my do I 96 00:06:05.765 --> 00:06:09.289 have questions that I wanna ask that maybe I'm a little embarrassed about? How can 97 00:06:09.289 --> 00:06:13.050 I go about doing that? I think one of the biggest things that we 98 00:06:13.050 --> 00:06:16.669 can do, I operate using Dominique Ruiz's 4 agreements, 99 00:06:17.325 --> 00:06:21.165 and it's something that I use. I help to help people build that safe 100 00:06:21.165 --> 00:06:24.925 space with one another. And if you're unfamiliar with the 101 00:06:24.925 --> 00:06:28.550 the, Four Agreements from Dom Miguel Ruiz, it's a 102 00:06:28.550 --> 00:06:32.230 book I highly recommend everyone have a copy 103 00:06:32.230 --> 00:06:35.990 of. It's one that I give my chill my own children. I have 8 104 00:06:35.990 --> 00:06:39.354 of them when they turn 13 almost as a rite of passage 105 00:06:39.814 --> 00:06:43.435 because growing up black in America or black in the world, period. 106 00:06:43.830 --> 00:06:47.510 They're going to have to find ways to deal with the 107 00:06:47.510 --> 00:06:51.130 internal challenges that the external world will will bring them. 108 00:06:51.444 --> 00:06:54.884 And so it's it helps them to find that center of 109 00:06:54.884 --> 00:06:58.345 authenticity early so that when they get in those prickly 110 00:06:58.405 --> 00:07:02.000 situations, they can identify that it okay. This is gonna be a 111 00:07:02.000 --> 00:07:05.620 situation where I'm gonna struggle to not be a pleaser 112 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:09.415 or to do what I you know, the system wants me to do as opposed 113 00:07:09.415 --> 00:07:13.115 to what I know is right by the people and recognizing that the system 114 00:07:14.380 --> 00:07:18.060 sometimes will have us do things to people that are not good for people, 115 00:07:18.060 --> 00:07:21.840 but they're good for the system, which is a whole different conversation, 116 00:07:22.060 --> 00:07:25.575 but that's one of those situations that can lead to inauthenticity. 117 00:07:27.155 --> 00:07:30.835 If you have a foundation in being impeccable with your 118 00:07:30.835 --> 00:07:34.569 word, which is the first agreement, Not to take anything personal. 119 00:07:34.569 --> 00:07:38.110 Recognize that what other people do is not about you. 120 00:07:38.330 --> 00:07:41.610 That is about them, and they have their own burdens that they're gonna have to 121 00:07:41.610 --> 00:07:45.195 figure out. Being able to not make assumptions and 122 00:07:45.195 --> 00:07:48.655 instead have the courage to ask a clarifying question, 123 00:07:49.035 --> 00:07:52.770 or as we like to say, have the courage to grill that beef up and 124 00:07:52.770 --> 00:07:55.890 eat it because it has to do with you. And if you don't have the 125 00:07:55.890 --> 00:07:59.655 courage to ask, then you need to let that go. Right? And 126 00:07:59.655 --> 00:08:03.335 then the 4th agreement is just doing the best you can and recognizing your 127 00:08:03.335 --> 00:08:06.850 best is gonna be different moment to moment, situation to 128 00:08:06.850 --> 00:08:10.610 situation. Your best is gonna be different if you've just experienced a 129 00:08:10.610 --> 00:08:13.990 trauma or a death or quite frankly if you're just tired. 130 00:08:14.285 --> 00:08:18.045 Your best is gonna be different, and we have to learn to forgive ourselves in 131 00:08:18.045 --> 00:08:21.725 those moments. Being able to walk in those agreements is gonna 132 00:08:21.725 --> 00:08:25.550 breed authenticity because I if you're doing something, 133 00:08:25.550 --> 00:08:28.270 I'm not gonna take that on as something that has to do with me. I'm 134 00:08:28.270 --> 00:08:31.730 gonna continue to be me. Speaking light and 135 00:08:31.735 --> 00:08:35.334 positivity into myself even when I make mistakes. That's about 136 00:08:35.334 --> 00:08:39.095 me embracing the learning process of growing and being a a different 137 00:08:39.095 --> 00:08:42.919 person tomorrow, a better person tomorrow than I was yesterday. The 138 00:08:42.919 --> 00:08:46.680 ability to not make assumptions and either say to myself, either I'm 139 00:08:46.680 --> 00:08:50.274 gonna have a the courage to you know let's say I'm meeting 140 00:08:50.274 --> 00:08:54.055 someone for the first time or go up and have that conversation, 141 00:08:54.915 --> 00:08:58.610 or I may have a question about someone who is different and comes from a 142 00:08:58.610 --> 00:09:02.290 different cultural background. Do I have the courage to ask? You know? 143 00:09:02.290 --> 00:09:06.130 Hey. Do you mind sharing with me a little bit about, you 144 00:09:06.130 --> 00:09:09.735 know, your story around whatever versus all the assumptions 145 00:09:09.795 --> 00:09:13.475 and predictions that we make automatically, and then we act on 146 00:09:13.475 --> 00:09:16.455 them and get embarrassed when we commit microaggressions. 147 00:09:16.995 --> 00:09:20.440 Right? So it's it's a way of being, and I think 148 00:09:20.440 --> 00:09:24.280 bringing in building authenticity is 149 00:09:24.280 --> 00:09:28.125 something that happens long before we get to the job, long before 150 00:09:28.125 --> 00:09:31.805 we get to interacting with other people. It 151 00:09:31.805 --> 00:09:35.190 starts in childhood. It starts in how we're raised, and 152 00:09:35.190 --> 00:09:39.029 that's at where I really do believe our leadership conversations need to 153 00:09:39.029 --> 00:09:42.490 shift into how we're growing and developing our young leaders 154 00:09:42.790 --> 00:09:46.154 of today who, if you've turned on TikTok or 155 00:09:46.615 --> 00:09:50.055 Snapchat, you realize they have no problem being authentic and 156 00:09:50.055 --> 00:09:53.800 telling you about yourself or themselves for that 157 00:09:53.800 --> 00:09:57.400 matter. And that that's one of the challenges, isn't it? The the 158 00:09:57.400 --> 00:10:01.175 word authentic means being true to yourself 159 00:10:01.795 --> 00:10:05.175 and some of your your values and some of the driving forces. 160 00:10:05.635 --> 00:10:09.380 But it's not licensed to say 161 00:10:09.380 --> 00:10:13.020 and speak anything in in with the you know, using 162 00:10:13.460 --> 00:10:16.795 it's but it's my authentic truth. I deserve to be able to say that. That's 163 00:10:16.795 --> 00:10:20.555 not what it's about, is it? No. Not at all. That to me, 164 00:10:20.555 --> 00:10:24.075 that's, you know, taking authenticity to a place of being 165 00:10:24.075 --> 00:10:27.790 mean and evil spirited. So being if your 166 00:10:27.790 --> 00:10:31.630 authentic self means that you wanna harm other people, then quite 167 00:10:31.630 --> 00:10:34.990 frankly, there is something going on with you and your internal self that 168 00:10:34.990 --> 00:10:38.355 requires, you know, medical intervention because that's not a 169 00:10:38.355 --> 00:10:42.035 natural state and a naturally positive, healthy, 170 00:10:42.035 --> 00:10:45.180 productive way of being. I mean, if you wake up in the morning, you know, 171 00:10:45.180 --> 00:10:48.940 trying to figure out how I can harm people and hurt people's feelings with 172 00:10:48.940 --> 00:10:52.625 my words today because they disagree with me, like, get some 173 00:10:52.625 --> 00:10:56.005 help because that's not the way that, you know, quality 174 00:10:56.225 --> 00:11:00.065 authentic debate happens. Now I could have differences 175 00:11:00.065 --> 00:11:03.140 of opinion. I can have differences in experiences, 176 00:11:03.920 --> 00:11:07.280 and I can share my differences in a way that is still 177 00:11:07.280 --> 00:11:11.005 respectful and in speaking your truth. So the other set 178 00:11:11.005 --> 00:11:14.765 of agreements that I didn't quite talk about come from a a a 179 00:11:14.765 --> 00:11:18.580 friend of ours by the name of Glenn Singleton who wrote 180 00:11:18.580 --> 00:11:22.400 a a book about 30 years ago that he has, you know, reached 181 00:11:22.700 --> 00:11:26.400 international fame called courageous conversations 182 00:11:26.540 --> 00:11:30.315 about race. And what he speaks about is the need 183 00:11:30.315 --> 00:11:33.915 to stay engaged in the conversations, to speak your 184 00:11:33.915 --> 00:11:37.330 truth, and speaking your truth can be done in a way 185 00:11:37.330 --> 00:11:41.030 that's respectful and positive. I can speak about racialized 186 00:11:41.250 --> 00:11:44.705 experiences being a black woman in America and how people who 187 00:11:44.705 --> 00:11:48.305 identify as white have caused harm historically and 188 00:11:48.305 --> 00:11:51.985 currently without then pointing at every person who I think 189 00:11:51.985 --> 00:11:55.520 identifies as white and talking about how they owe me or 190 00:11:55.520 --> 00:11:58.900 they did this, that, and the other. Those are very different 191 00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:02.720 conversations. I can speak about history and its impact on 192 00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:06.525 folks or even my current experience even if someone of 193 00:12:06.525 --> 00:12:10.285 the with someone who shares an identity with those who I 194 00:12:10.285 --> 00:12:13.860 may see as villains in my story. But I don't have 195 00:12:13.860 --> 00:12:17.220 to insult the other person or and they don't have to 196 00:12:17.220 --> 00:12:20.980 accept responsibility or blame or shame for that. It's my 197 00:12:20.980 --> 00:12:24.795 story. And there are people of African descent that have 198 00:12:24.795 --> 00:12:28.415 been the villains in other people's story. I don't take that on. 199 00:12:28.714 --> 00:12:32.420 And so, again, this idea that I can be authentic, I can 200 00:12:32.420 --> 00:12:36.180 speak my truth, and even if it harms other people, well, that's 201 00:12:36.180 --> 00:12:39.115 where you have to wonder, like, why would you wanna speak your truth in a 202 00:12:39.115 --> 00:12:42.875 way that harms? Now if it impacts someone and they 203 00:12:42.875 --> 00:12:46.230 may take offense to it or they may feel some kind of way about it, 204 00:12:46.310 --> 00:12:49.750 that's very different from intending to cause harm and 205 00:12:49.750 --> 00:12:52.949 being disrespectful or or in any way 206 00:12:53.955 --> 00:12:57.315 what's the word I'm looking for? Irresponsible, if you will, with your 207 00:12:57.315 --> 00:13:01.155 words. And so this idea of speaking your truth does not come 208 00:13:01.155 --> 00:13:04.790 without consequence. This idea of being your authentic 209 00:13:04.790 --> 00:13:08.170 self does not mean that everybody is going to accept it 210 00:13:08.470 --> 00:13:12.155 and and be willing to, you know, kinda tolerate 211 00:13:12.155 --> 00:13:15.755 your truth. So you gotta be think about situate what we call 212 00:13:15.755 --> 00:13:19.410 situational appropriateness. So the truth that 213 00:13:19.410 --> 00:13:22.790 I'm going my true self around, let's say, my grandparents 214 00:13:23.570 --> 00:13:26.790 versus my true self and authentic self around my girlfriends 215 00:13:27.574 --> 00:13:31.415 versus my true self when, you know, I'm with someone who I just met 216 00:13:31.415 --> 00:13:34.714 and we're having, you know, a semi professional, semi personal 217 00:13:34.855 --> 00:13:38.220 conversation, is gonna be very different, and that's 218 00:13:38.220 --> 00:13:41.280 okay. You know, we sit I think people mistake 219 00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:45.635 speaking their truth with, oh, I don't have to take responsibility 220 00:13:46.014 --> 00:13:49.635 for it afterwards, or I can also be situationally inappropriate, 221 00:13:50.175 --> 00:13:54.000 and that is not the case. Leading with authenticity means 222 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:57.600 I'm also aware of my surroundings and my impact on those 223 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:01.075 surroundings, and I want my truth to uplift. If I'm 224 00:14:01.075 --> 00:14:04.834 telling a story about you know, let's say, I often tell the story 225 00:14:04.834 --> 00:14:08.535 about how I left the plantation when I left the, you know, w two world 226 00:14:08.595 --> 00:14:12.160 and what that meant for me. And for some people who are still 227 00:14:12.160 --> 00:14:15.839 there, they may go, oh goodness. Well, I'm still on the 228 00:14:15.839 --> 00:14:19.335 the, quote, unquote, plantation. Does that mean she looks down on me? And it's like, 229 00:14:19.335 --> 00:14:23.095 it has nothing to do with that. That's my story. That was my 230 00:14:23.095 --> 00:14:26.610 experience. And I am allowed to walk in it 231 00:14:26.610 --> 00:14:30.210 authentically. And guess what? There are some people like my husband who 232 00:14:30.210 --> 00:14:34.015 loves working in his w two world. Work it out. That 233 00:14:34.015 --> 00:14:37.635 that works for you. They're just different parts of our stories. 234 00:14:37.775 --> 00:14:41.520 So when we talk about leading with authenticity, I think there 235 00:14:41.520 --> 00:14:44.960 is a certain responsibility we have to be conscious 236 00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:48.800 of because it does not mean that you just get to say whatever you want, 237 00:14:48.800 --> 00:14:52.265 do whatever you want, and mistreat people 238 00:14:52.805 --> 00:14:56.645 in any way you want because that's just being irresponsible and quite frankly 239 00:14:56.645 --> 00:15:00.449 mean and evil, and that's not what we're about. You mentioned a couple of 240 00:15:00.449 --> 00:15:04.050 things there. 1 was this, w two, and you 241 00:15:04.050 --> 00:15:07.889 mentioned leaving the plantation. Can I can can you unpack a bit of 242 00:15:07.889 --> 00:15:11.495 that? Because, it's not a phrase that I've heard of and many of our listeners 243 00:15:11.495 --> 00:15:15.255 probably wouldn't have heard of those. So absolutely, Jo. I do 244 00:15:15.334 --> 00:15:18.730 I knew I was gonna lobby that one up, and I knew we're gonna have 245 00:15:18.730 --> 00:15:22.370 to dunk that one. So I often will speak about 246 00:15:22.490 --> 00:15:26.225 as an entrepreneur, and and I really do appreciate the freedoms 247 00:15:26.225 --> 00:15:29.745 there, but also there's a lot of responsibility, I must say, that comes with being 248 00:15:29.745 --> 00:15:33.185 an entrepreneur. I became an entrepreneur after 249 00:15:33.185 --> 00:15:36.830 working about a little under 25 years in the school system here 250 00:15:36.830 --> 00:15:40.190 in America. And the reason I called it the 251 00:15:40.190 --> 00:15:43.915 plantation, it's not, you know, just a, you know, a funny term. But 252 00:15:43.915 --> 00:15:47.755 when you think about what plantations meant to this country, what 253 00:15:47.755 --> 00:15:51.480 was expected in plantations in this country, They for some 254 00:15:51.480 --> 00:15:55.000 people, they were a source of a lot of income. They were the source of 255 00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:58.780 great generational wealth. They were the source of happy memories, 256 00:15:59.515 --> 00:16:02.975 and there was definitely an expected hierarchy or a systemic 257 00:16:03.115 --> 00:16:06.715 hierarchy when you were on the plantation that everyone knew. And if you 258 00:16:06.715 --> 00:16:10.540 violated it in any way, there were measures that would be taken 259 00:16:10.540 --> 00:16:13.900 regardless of race at this point to keep people in 260 00:16:13.900 --> 00:16:17.410 line. And, unfortunately, many people don't 261 00:16:17.660 --> 00:16:21.185 may may find it difficult to face the fact that our schools 262 00:16:21.725 --> 00:16:25.425 and sometimes our workplaces operate in much the same way. 263 00:16:25.645 --> 00:16:29.450 And these spaces with their unwritten and 264 00:16:29.450 --> 00:16:33.130 written rules can be very oppressive to 265 00:16:33.130 --> 00:16:36.510 people who don't fit the mold or who think differently or 266 00:16:36.795 --> 00:16:40.395 imagine us in an educational system, someone who's 267 00:16:40.395 --> 00:16:44.154 very autistic. And and I said r with a artistic with an 268 00:16:44.154 --> 00:16:47.610 r. And, you know, they express themselves 269 00:16:47.670 --> 00:16:51.270 very creatively, and yet the system is very 270 00:16:51.270 --> 00:16:54.904 traditionalist. You take these tests. You answer these questions. You show me your 271 00:16:54.904 --> 00:16:58.505 knowledge in this way. Well, there are systems that at 272 00:16:58.505 --> 00:17:02.125 play in the educational system very much like in the plantation 273 00:17:02.425 --> 00:17:06.119 that are not healthy for everyone. I was one of those people that did 274 00:17:06.119 --> 00:17:09.500 not necessarily have the the always the healthiest 275 00:17:09.559 --> 00:17:13.355 experience. Although I was very successful on the plantation, what 276 00:17:13.355 --> 00:17:16.954 it did for my my psyche and my mental health was 277 00:17:16.954 --> 00:17:20.794 detrimental much like, you know, our plantations of the past. So the reason 278 00:17:20.794 --> 00:17:24.619 I called it the plantation is because it gives people a very 279 00:17:24.619 --> 00:17:28.460 clear connection to the systems and the rules that operated 280 00:17:28.460 --> 00:17:32.144 and the way people then experience things differently. And, you know, if you 281 00:17:32.144 --> 00:17:35.985 did well in the PlayStation, you receive society's rewards, whether it 282 00:17:35.985 --> 00:17:39.759 be financial, whether it be societal. But if you didn't do well on 283 00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:43.220 the plantation, you didn't weren't allowed society's rewards. 284 00:17:43.679 --> 00:17:47.505 And part of my efforts to liberate myself from the 285 00:17:47.505 --> 00:17:51.345 plantation, it's also the mindset you have to have to survive and thrive in 286 00:17:51.345 --> 00:17:55.160 these spaces. In order to survive and thrive on the plantation, people 287 00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:58.300 who look like me had to operate in ways that are oftentimes 288 00:17:59.000 --> 00:18:02.775 completely counterintuitive to who they are, counterproductive to their 289 00:18:02.775 --> 00:18:06.215 psyche and well-being. And, I mean, not that you would have any kind of 290 00:18:06.215 --> 00:18:10.055 understanding of what that would mean, Jo, because, of course, you've been in 291 00:18:10.055 --> 00:18:13.840 spaces where if you're the only or if you're different, that's 292 00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:17.200 going to impact you, especially if you know that that 293 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:20.559 difference is going to lead to you having struggles with being 294 00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:24.225 successful. And so when I left the plantation about 5 years 295 00:18:24.225 --> 00:18:28.065 ago, I have to say there was a period of time where leaving that 296 00:18:28.065 --> 00:18:31.789 w two security, leaving the benefits, 297 00:18:31.789 --> 00:18:35.470 and I'm talking about the health benefits, the medical benefits, the vision 298 00:18:35.470 --> 00:18:39.185 benefits. Like, there's all these benefits that they give you with staying safe 299 00:18:39.425 --> 00:18:43.105 on these plantations within the system. That the minute you come 300 00:18:43.105 --> 00:18:45.905 outside of that, they're like, yeah. You can leave, but you gotta take care of 301 00:18:45.905 --> 00:18:49.500 yourself on your own. It's kinda like what happened in, you know, the 18 302 00:18:49.500 --> 00:18:53.340 sixties with the emancipation proclamation. It's like, okay. I'll free you, but now you 303 00:18:53.340 --> 00:18:57.085 gotta go figure this out on your own. And all of these 304 00:18:57.085 --> 00:19:00.145 different scenarios diminish and deplete, 305 00:19:00.445 --> 00:19:03.800 sometimes create barriers to our abilities to lead 306 00:19:04.040 --> 00:19:07.880 authentically. And so it after I left, I had a period 307 00:19:07.880 --> 00:19:11.240 of time where I had to figure out, like, who am I? What is it 308 00:19:11.240 --> 00:19:14.855 that I really wanna do? Because the only me I knew professionally 309 00:19:15.315 --> 00:19:19.075 was the me that had to survive in these spaces. And so 310 00:19:19.075 --> 00:19:22.410 leaving that, you have this whole other world was like, I don't 311 00:19:22.950 --> 00:19:26.550 have to, you know, do whatever that is. I don't have to I don't have 312 00:19:26.550 --> 00:19:30.150 to have a traditional workday. I don't have to start my day at 7 AM 313 00:19:30.150 --> 00:19:33.955 and end it at 5. If I wanna start my day at noon and it 314 00:19:33.955 --> 00:19:37.715 ends at 8, like, I can do that now. And so this even something 315 00:19:37.715 --> 00:19:41.429 as small as that, being able to say not feel guilty to take 316 00:19:41.429 --> 00:19:45.050 my kids to school or pick them up and take those breaks in time. Or 317 00:19:45.190 --> 00:19:49.025 in the evening time, I'm gonna split out my day for how I'm gonna 318 00:19:49.025 --> 00:19:52.645 work so that I can put my family first as opposed to, 319 00:19:52.705 --> 00:19:55.985 well, the boss said I have to be here during these times, and I have 320 00:19:55.985 --> 00:19:59.570 to do x, y, and z. So, you know, I can't pick you up or 321 00:19:59.570 --> 00:20:03.250 I can't go to this event. To me, that's all a 322 00:20:03.250 --> 00:20:06.914 way of living that keeps us from the freedoms that we say 323 00:20:06.914 --> 00:20:10.695 this country and the world is all about. Excuse me. You mentioned, 324 00:20:12.034 --> 00:20:15.720 as bless you. Sorry. You talked just looking 325 00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:19.399 back a bit to authenticity again. You you mentioned, you know, 326 00:20:19.399 --> 00:20:23.080 you're you're you're a mom. You've got your friends. You've got your girlfriends. You've got 327 00:20:23.080 --> 00:20:26.665 your you've got your work. You got 8 different you got 8 children, I think 328 00:20:26.665 --> 00:20:30.265 you said. And presumably, each one of those 329 00:20:30.265 --> 00:20:33.710 children is a unique human being, and they have their own 330 00:20:33.710 --> 00:20:37.550 sensitivities and their own ways of talking to them. So when we talk 331 00:20:37.550 --> 00:20:41.034 about being authentic, there's a danger that you are 332 00:20:41.034 --> 00:20:44.475 perceived as inauthentic because you're wearing these multiple 333 00:20:44.475 --> 00:20:48.240 hats and you're swapping between characters. So which 334 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:52.000 one is the true you? And they can all be the true you. 335 00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:55.695 They're just different versions of you. Yes. It's the the 336 00:20:55.695 --> 00:20:59.215 core of you is your values and your core 337 00:20:59.215 --> 00:21:02.915 drivers that are the key factors of your authenticity. 338 00:21:03.580 --> 00:21:07.179 The fact you have to be situational, and you you talked about in 339 00:21:07.179 --> 00:21:10.400 terms of intent and impact, it's about 340 00:21:10.700 --> 00:21:14.415 context. You have to understand the context in which you're operating and 341 00:21:14.415 --> 00:21:18.015 communicating. So how how could 342 00:21:18.015 --> 00:21:21.770 leaders recognize that needs to switch 343 00:21:22.150 --> 00:21:25.930 hats and to switch personality types to be situational? 344 00:21:27.075 --> 00:21:30.835 Well, I think, first of all, in order to understand that, you have to 345 00:21:30.835 --> 00:21:34.295 understand that equity is one of my core values. And I define 346 00:21:34.435 --> 00:21:38.110 equity using the Jeff Duncan on doctor I'm 347 00:21:38.110 --> 00:21:41.950 sorry, doctor Jeff Duncan Andrade version, which is equity is 348 00:21:41.950 --> 00:21:45.735 getting people what they need, when they need it. And with his permission, 349 00:21:45.735 --> 00:21:49.414 I've added in the way they need it delivered. And so 350 00:21:49.414 --> 00:21:53.230 at my core, if if I am leading a situation, whether I'm 351 00:21:53.230 --> 00:21:56.289 leading a multimillion dollar organization, 352 00:21:56.990 --> 00:22:00.529 whether I'm leading my business or my nonprofit, whether I'm leading 353 00:22:00.894 --> 00:22:04.335 the girl scout troop or my sorority, or whether I'm leading my 354 00:22:04.335 --> 00:22:07.934 home. My goal as a leader is to 355 00:22:07.934 --> 00:22:11.610 serve. Right? And so my and so in order to 356 00:22:11.610 --> 00:22:15.450 serve someone, you have to find out what they need. Imagine if you went 357 00:22:15.450 --> 00:22:19.125 to a restaurant and the and the server just came and said, I got you. 358 00:22:19.345 --> 00:22:22.225 It brings you whatever it is that they just wanted to bring you because that's 359 00:22:22.225 --> 00:22:25.080 what they were serving that day. You feel like, well, why you give me a 360 00:22:25.080 --> 00:22:28.520 menu? Why did you like, what am I doing here? 361 00:22:28.520 --> 00:22:31.900 Right? And that's often the times the way people experience 362 00:22:32.865 --> 00:22:36.625 inauthentic or kind of blanket leadership, if you 363 00:22:36.625 --> 00:22:40.305 will. It's that people have these ideas of what they believe 364 00:22:40.305 --> 00:22:44.020 leadership should be, and then they go and be that thing. 365 00:22:44.020 --> 00:22:47.620 Or even worse is they'll get their ideas of 366 00:22:47.620 --> 00:22:51.455 what leadership should look like from those that they're not leading, I e 367 00:22:51.455 --> 00:22:54.895 your higher ups. So you have some boss or somebody who's telling 368 00:22:54.895 --> 00:22:58.740 you this is what your people need. If you ever have a boss that's telling 369 00:22:58.740 --> 00:23:02.580 you what other people need, first of all, run. Because, you know, it's like, 370 00:23:02.580 --> 00:23:06.145 where is the data, the information that I can actually get what my 371 00:23:06.145 --> 00:23:09.205 people need and be able to provide that to them? 372 00:23:09.905 --> 00:23:13.720 If you're truly leading for service, for equity, and getting people 373 00:23:13.720 --> 00:23:16.700 what they need, when they need it, in the way you they need it delivered, 374 00:23:17.000 --> 00:23:20.440 the first thing you'll recognize is that everybody doesn't even receive 375 00:23:20.440 --> 00:23:23.985 information the same way. First, they don't need the same information or the 376 00:23:23.985 --> 00:23:27.664 same support, and they're not gonna receive it in the same way. So I'll take 377 00:23:27.664 --> 00:23:31.480 it to something as simple as parenting. Yes. I have 8 kids. 6 that 378 00:23:31.480 --> 00:23:35.160 I birth, 2 are my free gifts with purchase. But I'll tell you the way 379 00:23:35.160 --> 00:23:38.955 that I sometimes have to talk with my 30 year 380 00:23:38.955 --> 00:23:42.475 old and the way that I have to talk with my 7 year old who 381 00:23:42.475 --> 00:23:46.230 have very different needs of me is different from what my 23 382 00:23:46.230 --> 00:23:50.070 year old who's in law school needs. So I might pick up the phone, 383 00:23:50.070 --> 00:23:53.430 and my 23 year old needs to have a conversation about managing 384 00:23:53.430 --> 00:23:57.255 stress because he's in the middle of finals. And so he's gonna, you 385 00:23:57.255 --> 00:24:00.855 know, wanna tap into that part of mom that is saying, hey. I need to 386 00:24:00.855 --> 00:24:04.690 manage stress. Like, what tips do I have? I'm also dealing with somebody who 387 00:24:04.690 --> 00:24:08.470 has his own stresses and trials and tribulations. 388 00:24:08.610 --> 00:24:12.195 You kinda remind me of him, Jo, sometimes because he does. He wears the 389 00:24:12.195 --> 00:24:15.654 black nail polish, and he's just so different and eclectic. 390 00:24:15.955 --> 00:24:19.715 But, you know, he's his own man, and that's but he also has 391 00:24:19.715 --> 00:24:23.450 his own challenges. I am as his mother, at at that 392 00:24:23.450 --> 00:24:26.410 moment when he says, mom, I need this, I need to figure out a way 393 00:24:26.410 --> 00:24:30.175 to get him what he needs. Conversely, in the next 15 minutes, my 394 00:24:30.175 --> 00:24:33.855 7 year old could come in. And all he wants and needs is to 395 00:24:33.855 --> 00:24:37.669 figure out what he needs to do with his chores to get that little, you 396 00:24:37.669 --> 00:24:41.510 know, box of Pringles that he wants. I know. So it's very simple to please 397 00:24:41.510 --> 00:24:44.470 7 year olds. He's like, mom, did I did I do all my chores? I 398 00:24:44.470 --> 00:24:47.625 took out the trash. I did this. I did. Can I have my Pringles in 399 00:24:47.625 --> 00:24:51.225 my, you know, 15 minutes of video game time? So the 400 00:24:51.225 --> 00:24:54.930 conversation is very, very different with him. Now I'm gonna flip, 401 00:24:54.930 --> 00:24:58.610