WEBVTT 1 00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:10.795 Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your 2 00:00:10.795 --> 00:00:14.395 sanctuary for bold conversations that spark change. I'm 3 00:00:14.395 --> 00:00:18.199 Joanne Lockwood, your guide on this journey of exploration into the 4 00:00:18.199 --> 00:00:21.660 heart of inclusion, belonging, and societal 5 00:00:21.960 --> 00:00:25.654 transformation. Ever wondered what it truly takes to create 6 00:00:25.654 --> 00:00:29.095 a world where everyone not only belongs but 7 00:00:29.095 --> 00:00:32.855 thrives? You're not alone. Join me as we 8 00:00:32.855 --> 00:00:36.270 uncover the unseen, challenge the status quo, 9 00:00:36.650 --> 00:00:40.110 and share stories that resonate deep within. 10 00:00:40.329 --> 00:00:43.945 Ready to dive in? Whether you're sipping your morning coffee 11 00:00:44.165 --> 00:00:47.945 or winding down after a long day, let's connect, reflect, 12 00:00:48.325 --> 00:00:51.880 and inspire action together. Don't forget, 13 00:00:52.340 --> 00:00:55.380 you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out to 14 00:00:55.432 --> 00:00:58.405 jo.Lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk 15 00:00:59.184 --> 00:01:02.725 to share your insights or to join me on the show. 16 00:01:03.585 --> 00:01:07.280 So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to 17 00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:10.820 ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites. 18 00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:17.555 And today is episode 126 with the 19 00:01:17.555 --> 00:01:21.314 title, reframing our world. And 20 00:01:21.314 --> 00:01:24.720 I have the absolute honor and privilege to welcome Lina 21 00:01:24.939 --> 00:01:28.619 Jankauskeite. Lina is a trained psychologist, a 22 00:01:28.619 --> 00:01:31.575 certified holistic life coach, psychoeducator, 23 00:01:32.034 --> 00:01:35.255 trainer, a speaker, and a dreamer. 24 00:01:35.954 --> 00:01:39.634 When I asked Lina to describe her superpower, she said, it is her 25 00:01:39.634 --> 00:01:43.450 undefeatable belief that in humans, both individually 26 00:01:43.990 --> 00:01:47.130 and collectively, that at their core are good, 27 00:01:47.430 --> 00:01:50.935 giving, willing, and caring. Hello, 28 00:01:50.935 --> 00:01:54.695 Lena. Welcome to the show. Hi, Joanne. Well, thank you for 29 00:01:54.695 --> 00:01:58.370 having me. Absolute pleasure. We we did practice your 30 00:01:58.370 --> 00:02:00.850 surname a couple of times in the in the green room before we came on. 31 00:02:00.850 --> 00:02:04.610 I was determined to get it right. So reframing our world, 32 00:02:04.610 --> 00:02:08.075 you've obviously got a a rich heritage and past. 33 00:02:08.375 --> 00:02:11.035 Tell us about yourself and what you believe in. 34 00:02:13.015 --> 00:02:16.560 In terms of, I was gonna say in terms on who I am. 35 00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:20.739 I suppose there's those sort of demographic or biographical 36 00:02:20.959 --> 00:02:24.795 things, which is, I originate from Lithuania. I came to the UK 37 00:02:24.795 --> 00:02:28.575 nearly 20 years ago. And I 38 00:02:28.715 --> 00:02:31.870 I suppose I matured in the UK. I was 20 when I came, and I 39 00:02:31.870 --> 00:02:35.410 matured here in the UK. And I 40 00:02:35.630 --> 00:02:39.010 I can hardly remember myself for what I was before because 41 00:02:39.875 --> 00:02:43.635 I think I changed quite a bit seeing the world around 42 00:02:43.635 --> 00:02:47.235 me, been exposed to a lot more in the 43 00:02:47.235 --> 00:02:50.700 UK than I have been in Lithuania because I grew up in a small, small 44 00:02:50.700 --> 00:02:54.380 town. Provincial, very small town. So I 45 00:02:54.380 --> 00:02:58.125 always say that whilst Lithuania is always going to be my home, the 46 00:02:58.125 --> 00:03:01.265 UK is really what made me up to this point what I am. 47 00:03:02.365 --> 00:03:04.225 And, yes, as you said, I am a dreamer, 48 00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:10.080 and I dream about exactly that. Like, the tar title of the episode 49 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:13.805 really speaks to it really well. I I want, as 50 00:03:13.805 --> 00:03:17.644 cliche as it sounds, I want to change the world 51 00:03:17.644 --> 00:03:21.185 to leave that little bit better place than I found it. 52 00:03:21.980 --> 00:03:25.680 So however little I can contribute to it, it all adds up. 53 00:03:26.220 --> 00:03:29.740 Again, loads of cliches, but, I just truly believe in that. And, 54 00:03:30.060 --> 00:03:33.565 I'll I'll try to do my best in in that changing of the 55 00:03:33.565 --> 00:03:36.925 world by helping people to really, to to see the 56 00:03:36.925 --> 00:03:39.665 opportunities on on how they can contribute 57 00:03:40.720 --> 00:03:44.480 to changing the world. And I know it sounds really abstract, but 58 00:03:44.480 --> 00:03:47.520 that's just because it's a big it's it's it's a big game to change the 59 00:03:47.520 --> 00:03:50.944 world. So, yeah, at the minute, it sounds a bit 60 00:03:50.944 --> 00:03:54.785 abstract, but there's many things I'm doing. As you said, I'm a coach. I 61 00:03:54.785 --> 00:03:58.580 fancy myself, a self leadership coach because 62 00:03:58.580 --> 00:04:02.340 I think that's where it all starts, from self leadership because that's 63 00:04:02.340 --> 00:04:05.400 where how you relate to the rest of the world, your environment, 64 00:04:06.985 --> 00:04:10.665 to to the fellow human, to to the tree out, you 65 00:04:10.665 --> 00:04:14.445 know, outside. It all comes down to that. How you relate 66 00:04:15.060 --> 00:04:18.660 to the rest of the world starts with self leadership. So I think that's my 67 00:04:18.660 --> 00:04:22.360 starting point in in changing the world. Interesting. 68 00:04:22.745 --> 00:04:26.525 My knowledge of Lithuania is is tiny. I think 69 00:04:26.905 --> 00:04:30.685 I was I went for a, I think, a 3 day conference. 70 00:04:30.745 --> 00:04:34.490 This is probably best 71 00:04:34.490 --> 00:04:37.390 part, 20 years ago, so probably by the time you're still there. 72 00:04:38.090 --> 00:04:41.745 It's so the capital is, Vilnius. Is that right, Vilnius? Right. Yeah. 73 00:04:41.745 --> 00:04:45.544 Yeah. Vilnius. And it's a very old traditional 74 00:04:45.544 --> 00:04:49.210 kind of Baltic y sort of state and, yeah, large 75 00:04:49.449 --> 00:04:52.910 squares, cobbles, ancient architecture, beautiful 76 00:04:53.370 --> 00:04:57.185 construction churches, and things. I remember it being very iconic 77 00:04:57.185 --> 00:05:00.545 when I was there, but I'd say it was mainly a quick tour of the 78 00:05:00.545 --> 00:05:03.665 center and a tour of the nightlife and a tour of, 79 00:05:04.310 --> 00:05:07.430 had some a couple of boring meetings to attend as well. So, yeah, it was 80 00:05:07.430 --> 00:05:10.630 a a quick in and out. I'd love to go back. I spent I spent 81 00:05:10.630 --> 00:05:14.065 a bit of time in Estonia, mainly in Tallinn and and the surrounding 82 00:05:14.065 --> 00:05:17.824 area, and I did pop to, Viga once as 83 00:05:17.824 --> 00:05:20.384 well in, in Latvia. So, yeah, it's, 84 00:05:21.345 --> 00:05:25.139 yeah. I I I've always got a fun place in my heart for 85 00:05:25.139 --> 00:05:28.520 those regions because of the people. I've I've found the people really warm, 86 00:05:29.139 --> 00:05:32.775 easy to connect to, and not at all how I 87 00:05:32.775 --> 00:05:36.235 imagined. It's very forward thinking certainly in the last 88 00:05:36.375 --> 00:05:39.510 10, 15 years. A lot of tech startups 89 00:05:40.290 --> 00:05:44.050 and developing economy there. Yeah. That is a it's it's phenomenal. And 90 00:05:44.050 --> 00:05:46.950 you're right. You you must have had this, complete transformation 91 00:05:48.035 --> 00:05:51.655 about how you saw the world, as you say, coming from rural Lithuania 92 00:05:52.195 --> 00:05:55.555 to to entering sort of like the UK and the hustle and bustle 93 00:05:55.555 --> 00:05:59.240 of of of of the hell on life, if you like? 94 00:06:00.260 --> 00:06:02.740 It it was. It was very much so because, 95 00:06:04.005 --> 00:06:07.445 the town I grew up in is considered the 8th or the 9th biggest town 96 00:06:07.445 --> 00:06:11.260 in Lithuania, but because Lithuania is tiny. I think the 97 00:06:11.260 --> 00:06:15.100 population when I was still there, it was about 35,000, which now has 98 00:06:15.100 --> 00:06:18.755 dropped to below 30,000. And like I said, it's 99 00:06:18.755 --> 00:06:22.055 considered 8th or 9th biggest town in Lithuania, so 100 00:06:22.195 --> 00:06:25.735 just for people get the idea of scale. And 101 00:06:26.760 --> 00:06:30.520 and it was very I mean, I I I had a great 102 00:06:30.520 --> 00:06:34.005 time growing up, and, and I'm 103 00:06:34.005 --> 00:06:37.845 still very fond of my hometown even though there's no one and nothing 104 00:06:37.845 --> 00:06:41.685 there now for me when I go back. But, yeah, when 105 00:06:41.685 --> 00:06:45.350 I first because when I first arrived in the UK, I found myself in 106 00:06:45.350 --> 00:06:48.790 London as most of us do. So the 107 00:06:48.790 --> 00:06:52.435 contrast was was wow. However, 108 00:06:52.435 --> 00:06:56.035 what's the the what I didn't expect was because I knew 109 00:06:56.035 --> 00:06:59.870 Britain through watching because I was an hard die 110 00:06:59.870 --> 00:07:03.310 hard fan of Sherlock Holmes series. So I 111 00:07:03.310 --> 00:07:07.070 expected it to arrive on the 4th September. Actually, I can't remember 112 00:07:07.070 --> 00:07:10.555 the year, but I remember the date. It was the 4th September. And I was 113 00:07:10.555 --> 00:07:13.915 expecting it to be, you know, this narrow 114 00:07:13.915 --> 00:07:17.080 streets, cobble streets as well that's sort of 115 00:07:17.800 --> 00:07:21.020 grayish, darkish with this mist 116 00:07:21.560 --> 00:07:25.025 you know, everything covered in mist. And they arrived, and it was, like, 117 00:07:25.185 --> 00:07:29.025 30 yard degrees. I think it's one of the hottest summers or hottest ends 118 00:07:29.025 --> 00:07:32.625 of summers that's, you know, on record at the time. And I was like, 119 00:07:32.625 --> 00:07:34.900 woah. What the hell? That's not what I expected. 120 00:07:37.280 --> 00:07:41.039 Yeah. I mean, there are parts of London that are sort of narrow streets and 121 00:07:41.039 --> 00:07:44.565 cobbles, especially in the kind of the square mile rush in the city. There's a 122 00:07:44.565 --> 00:07:47.925 real kind of intricate little cobbled areas. You 123 00:07:47.925 --> 00:07:51.770 know, a lot of London got rebuilt after the fire, London 124 00:07:51.770 --> 00:07:55.370 after the war, and things like this. But, yeah, you can still find those 125 00:07:55.370 --> 00:07:59.175 old streets, but, yeah, we're not, even 126 00:07:59.175 --> 00:08:02.794 even the mythical, 2 was it 221 127 00:08:02.935 --> 00:08:06.670 or whatever is, Baker Street? I think it's the 221 B. Is it Baker 128 00:08:06.670 --> 00:08:10.270 Street or whatever the address is? That's in a quite a wide 129 00:08:10.270 --> 00:08:13.955 road. It's in a row. I mean, yeah, the row it's in is is 130 00:08:13.955 --> 00:08:17.794 very old traditional Victorian type of architecture. I don't know if you've 131 00:08:17.794 --> 00:08:21.520 done the Sherlock Holmes Museum. I did the Sherlock Holmes Museum or the that 132 00:08:21.520 --> 00:08:25.360 visit that place, probably 10, 15 years ago. It's it's a it's a 133 00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:29.199 good little good opportunity to sort of see Victorian life if 134 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:32.804 you'll help people for the Victorian era lived because it's still kitted out in that 135 00:08:32.804 --> 00:08:36.424 way. But yeah. No. No. I don't think we're we're we're we're 136 00:08:37.044 --> 00:08:40.500 probably not at all like our our stereotypes you see in the movies or on 137 00:08:40.500 --> 00:08:44.280 the telly. The yes. In my experience, 138 00:08:44.500 --> 00:08:48.245 not I mean, the obviously, they are it's hard to tell 139 00:08:48.245 --> 00:08:52.005 because when I first came, like I said, I was 20. So I knew 140 00:08:52.005 --> 00:08:55.045 very little. It was it was going to be a 6 months break, and then 141 00:08:55.045 --> 00:08:58.590 I was going to go back and reenroll uni, which I 142 00:08:58.890 --> 00:09:01.950 quit because I didn't like what I chose. So 143 00:09:03.210 --> 00:09:06.985 being 20 years old, I didn't really care 144 00:09:06.985 --> 00:09:10.125 about many things, you know, that that that I do 145 00:09:10.505 --> 00:09:14.310 now. And so I don't think I had any I don't think 146 00:09:14.310 --> 00:09:18.010 I arrived with any stereotype in my head in terms of 147 00:09:18.150 --> 00:09:21.910 the lifestyle. I think it was just that picture that I held in my 148 00:09:21.910 --> 00:09:25.654 head, you know, this darkish, gloomish, mistish kind 149 00:09:25.654 --> 00:09:29.415 of, you know, from Sherlock Holmes. But in terms of everything 150 00:09:29.415 --> 00:09:32.870 else, I I don't think I had any preconceptions. 151 00:09:33.890 --> 00:09:37.250 But like I said, I'm struggling to remember myself, what I was like back 152 00:09:37.250 --> 00:09:41.074 then. But it was yes. Because I found myself on Oxford 153 00:09:41.074 --> 00:09:44.755 Street. So Jo, yes, that 154 00:09:44.755 --> 00:09:48.500 was, but but it was what I found. 155 00:09:48.720 --> 00:09:52.019 I because I didn't I didn't have any preconceptions 156 00:09:52.480 --> 00:09:55.415 or not that I remember of. The only 157 00:09:55.954 --> 00:09:59.334 emotion that I feel I don't know emotion, feeling, 158 00:09:59.875 --> 00:10:02.774 not entirely sure how to describe that, was 159 00:10:03.350 --> 00:10:07.050 awe. I was in awe of of how many 160 00:10:07.270 --> 00:10:10.495 people, of of, yeah, of the 161 00:10:11.055 --> 00:10:14.815 of the hustle and bustle. I I I've never seen anything like it in 162 00:10:14.815 --> 00:10:18.355 my life. But for me, it was just 163 00:10:18.415 --> 00:10:22.240 amazement and, like, wow. Oh my god. I 164 00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:25.060 cannot believe this. I cannot believe I'm here. And, 165 00:10:26.560 --> 00:10:30.175 yeah, and just everyone Joanne there's masses of people going around 166 00:10:30.175 --> 00:10:34.015 their business, and it's just yeah. The pace, I 167 00:10:34.015 --> 00:10:37.750 I think, yeah, I was just in awe. I I would imagine, and this 168 00:10:37.750 --> 00:10:41.510 is just me having a guess here, that there must be 30 169 00:10:41.510 --> 00:10:45.125 or 1000 people in that Oxford Street area at 170 00:10:45.125 --> 00:10:48.725 any one time, which is bigger than the population of of the 171 00:10:48.805 --> 00:10:52.245 your hometown, and it's so kind of incredible. You know? And I 172 00:10:52.245 --> 00:10:55.850 guess coming from a town where there were so few people, 173 00:10:56.150 --> 00:10:59.750 you kinda know everybody or you or you're you're connected with people in some 174 00:10:59.750 --> 00:11:03.404 way. It's, you know, most of the streets, you know, most of the locations 175 00:11:03.404 --> 00:11:07.245 and suddenly coming to I don't understand, by any stretch, that 176 00:11:07.245 --> 00:11:10.880 means that, UK is a huge country. It's not. London London does feel quite 177 00:11:10.880 --> 00:11:14.160 huge when you're in the middle of it sometimes. But coming to a a a 178 00:11:14.160 --> 00:11:17.680 city that is, yeah, massively bigger than what you 179 00:11:17.680 --> 00:11:21.025 expected, did you find it unfriendly? Did you find it unwelcoming 180 00:11:21.245 --> 00:11:24.685 or or just, as you say, in awe? I 181 00:11:24.685 --> 00:11:27.265 didn't, actually. Not at all because 182 00:11:28.510 --> 00:11:32.350 I no. I didn't, actually. I just, yeah, I didn't 183 00:11:32.350 --> 00:11:35.640 get that feeling. Yes. I was just in awe. So I was more 184 00:11:36.265 --> 00:11:40.025 I think I I was more at the time, I found myself in 185 00:11:40.025 --> 00:11:43.465 the position of observer rather than a 186 00:11:43.465 --> 00:11:47.240 participant in that. So I would literally I was a 187 00:11:47.240 --> 00:11:50.680 heavy smoker at the time. Not anymore. But I was a heavy smoker at the 188 00:11:50.680 --> 00:11:53.900 time, so I really enjoyed for the first few days in London 189 00:11:54.694 --> 00:11:58.295 to just sit either on the small park bench. You know, the 190 00:11:58.295 --> 00:12:01.754 small parks that, are off the major streets, 191 00:12:02.055 --> 00:12:05.830 which you can still people watch when sitting there. You can see them. So, obviously, 192 00:12:05.830 --> 00:12:09.190 if you go to Hyde Park, you see a lot of people in Hyde Park, 193 00:12:09.190 --> 00:12:12.490 but you don't see these busy hustle and bustle streets so clearly. 194 00:12:13.025 --> 00:12:16.725 So I would really enjoy just sit on the park bench and just 195 00:12:17.185 --> 00:12:20.705 just to watch the people who I by having a cigarette and a Red Bull 196 00:12:20.705 --> 00:12:24.470 at the time. And so and I think 197 00:12:24.470 --> 00:12:28.230 because I I just found myself I I can't say I 198 00:12:28.230 --> 00:12:31.235 put myself in that position. I just found myself in that position that I was 199 00:12:31.235 --> 00:12:34.675 an observer of the world around me. I 200 00:12:34.675 --> 00:12:38.190 didn't I didn't encounter or I didn't 201 00:12:38.190 --> 00:12:41.250 perceive any unfriendliness or or unapproachability. 202 00:12:42.430 --> 00:12:46.045 And as far as I remember, you know, the you know, when 203 00:12:46.045 --> 00:12:49.805 you ask for directions or you ask for which 204 00:12:49.805 --> 00:12:53.585 bus you need to take to get there in there, people were very 205 00:12:54.130 --> 00:12:57.750 willing to to share the information with you, and and 206 00:12:58.290 --> 00:13:01.650 and they wouldn't even in that hustle and bustle, they would really 207 00:13:01.650 --> 00:13:05.375 actually stop rather than just say, you're right. So 208 00:13:05.375 --> 00:13:09.055 straight and then fifth right and walk away. It wasn't like that. 209 00:13:09.055 --> 00:13:12.870 People would actually still take that extra 10 seconds, extra 15 210 00:13:12.870 --> 00:13:16.630 seconds to say, right. So, yeah, if you carry on straight, you know, 211 00:13:16.630 --> 00:13:20.425 don't you're gonna need to take a 5th ride. You know, just you're gonna see 212 00:13:20.425 --> 00:13:24.185 this in the shop and go around there. So they've really put the 213 00:13:24.185 --> 00:13:27.785 effort into, you know, even because at the time I mean, obviously, I will 214 00:13:27.785 --> 00:13:31.600 always have the accident. In that time, my accident was very heavy. And I 215 00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:34.660 didn't for one moment, I didn't perceive any 216 00:13:34.960 --> 00:13:38.585 anything. I was I was an observer to begin with, 217 00:13:38.585 --> 00:13:42.345 but when I was a participant in terms of interacting with people and with 218 00:13:42.345 --> 00:13:45.404 the environment, I I didn't yeah. 219 00:13:46.889 --> 00:13:50.656 It was it was fine. It was good. It was it was lovely. Jo 220 00:13:51.209 --> 00:13:54.350 as you say, you you you're an observer before you participated 221 00:13:54.649 --> 00:13:58.435 in, I guess, if you're there for a break, you 222 00:13:58.435 --> 00:14:02.115 know, 6 months, you you weren't looking to necessarily come here and 223 00:14:02.115 --> 00:14:05.950 reside. How did you because you must have 224 00:14:05.950 --> 00:14:09.790 started to develop that sense of belongingness to where you were living, 225 00:14:09.790 --> 00:14:13.235 to what you were doing. Because if you if you just stayed an observer, you 226 00:14:13.235 --> 00:14:16.215 would have felt the connection in order to stay here. Is that is that true? 227 00:14:16.915 --> 00:14:19.795 You know what? The way you said it, it makes a lot of sense. I 228 00:14:19.795 --> 00:14:23.540 would have never I I would have never I 229 00:14:23.540 --> 00:14:26.820 never thought about it in that way, but that is absolutely true. Yeah. Because 230 00:14:28.075 --> 00:14:31.915 so I came I came because I quit uni. So I finished school. 231 00:14:31.915 --> 00:14:35.430 I quit uni because I didn't like what I chose. And I thought, right, I 232 00:14:35.430 --> 00:14:39.030 have to wait until the next academic year starts. And English is the only language 233 00:14:39.030 --> 00:14:42.330 that I know. I know I want to see the world a little bit. So 234 00:14:42.885 --> 00:14:46.265 I'll come to the UK for about 6 months then go back and reenroll. 235 00:14:46.885 --> 00:14:50.645 So that was the intentional sort of intention of or the 236 00:14:50.645 --> 00:14:54.149 plan. But I really 237 00:14:54.529 --> 00:14:58.209 I enjoyed myself in that diverse very because I worked 238 00:14:58.610 --> 00:15:02.165 my first job was, working in a in a restaurant at 239 00:15:02.165 --> 00:15:05.785 Stansted Airport. And out of 99 240 00:15:05.925 --> 00:15:09.180 members of staff, there was 241 00:15:09.720 --> 00:15:13.480 1 British person and 1 Irish person, and 242 00:15:13.480 --> 00:15:17.235 the rest were probably from, like, 30 different 243 00:15:17.235 --> 00:15:20.995 countries. And so I can't say I learned much English 244 00:15:20.995 --> 00:15:24.770 there because, obviously, we all, you know, we all communicated in 245 00:15:24.770 --> 00:15:28.290 our broken English at the time. I probably built a vocabulary, but, you 246 00:15:28.290 --> 00:15:32.115 know, just the vocabulary. But, it was it 247 00:15:32.115 --> 00:15:35.635 was a wonderful experience because I was I had never been 248 00:15:35.635 --> 00:15:39.095 exposed to different cultures. I had never been exposed to different 249 00:15:39.475 --> 00:15:43.089 views of life, and I've 250 00:15:43.089 --> 00:15:46.610 never been exposed to different, well, metaphysical positions, if you 251 00:15:46.610 --> 00:15:50.230 will. And it was a very 252 00:15:50.885 --> 00:15:53.705 it was a very beautiful experience. I think maybe partly 253 00:15:54.325 --> 00:15:58.165 maybe I found myself belonging. And I I don't 254 00:15:58.165 --> 00:16:01.560 know. I I don't know. I'm just sort of analyzing in my head now as 255 00:16:01.560 --> 00:16:05.080 I on the spot. Maybe the reason why I've started 256 00:16:05.080 --> 00:16:08.760 feeling, like, right, I I wanna stick around for a bit longer and see where 257 00:16:08.760 --> 00:16:12.425 it takes me. Because partly it was a very 258 00:16:12.425 --> 00:16:16.025 enriching experience. And I 259 00:16:16.025 --> 00:16:19.570 suppose maybe my first job in the UK, we probably connected because we 260 00:16:19.570 --> 00:16:23.250 were all immigrants, and we 261 00:16:23.250 --> 00:16:27.090 were all some were trying to make it. Some of us were like myself 262 00:16:27.090 --> 00:16:30.925 just here for possibly a brief break and seeing the world. So 263 00:16:30.925 --> 00:16:34.445 I don't know. But, yes, as as you said it, now I'm thinking 264 00:16:34.445 --> 00:16:38.139 that's I must have found that belonging because 20 years 265 00:16:38.139 --> 00:16:41.980 on, nearly, I'm still here. No. 266 00:16:41.980 --> 00:16:45.339 For sure. So you you mentioned earlier about self leadership 267 00:16:45.339 --> 00:16:48.755 being one of the the sort of key fundamentals for, 268 00:16:49.535 --> 00:16:52.755 well, taking personal responsibility in in your your 269 00:16:53.240 --> 00:16:56.839 your passion for changing the world. Because you have to start with 270 00:16:56.839 --> 00:17:00.379 yourself, don't you, to change the world? Absolutely. And 271 00:17:01.275 --> 00:17:03.615 you absolutely have to start with yourself. And 272 00:17:05.595 --> 00:17:09.375 I, we just recently, we had 273 00:17:10.450 --> 00:17:13.250 you know, this is gonna be where I'm gonna go off on tangent so much, 274 00:17:13.250 --> 00:17:17.010 so feel free to just yeah. You have to it's very 275 00:17:17.010 --> 00:17:20.105 cliche as well. A lot of people, oh, yeah. We heard that before. Start with 276 00:17:20.105 --> 00:17:23.724 yourself. What you know, whatever. What does that actually mean? And 277 00:17:24.345 --> 00:17:27.790 a lot of people are really, really 278 00:17:27.790 --> 00:17:31.549 disempowered. And they, I mean 279 00:17:31.630 --> 00:17:34.990 and this is obviously this is not either or. It's a 280 00:17:34.990 --> 00:17:37.684 spectrum of the level of disempowerment. 281 00:17:39.424 --> 00:17:42.885 And a lot of people, they they won't 282 00:17:43.300 --> 00:17:46.680 perceive themselves as that. We won't perceive them ourselves as that. 283 00:17:46.820 --> 00:17:49.000 But I I found myself 284 00:17:50.565 --> 00:17:54.005 I found myself often feeling like I have no control of 285 00:17:54.005 --> 00:17:57.684 things. And this is where when you have no 286 00:17:57.684 --> 00:18:01.300 control of things, you can feel disempowered. 287 00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:06.080 You wouldn't necessarily put that particular name of it, like, I 288 00:18:06.080 --> 00:18:09.825 feel disempowered. We we use all sorts of language to describe that. 289 00:18:09.825 --> 00:18:13.345 Like, oh, this can't be done, or, well, it doesn't work like 290 00:18:13.345 --> 00:18:16.645 that, or, well, it's always been that way. Why would you change? 291 00:18:17.320 --> 00:18:20.840 Oh, nobody cares. Nothing's gonna change. So it's it's 292 00:18:20.840 --> 00:18:24.539 reflected in our language that that 293 00:18:25.164 --> 00:18:28.684 living in a somewhat disempowered state, if you 294 00:18:28.684 --> 00:18:31.905 will. And I catch 295 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:36.760 myself now. I mean, I catch myself more and more now because this is 296 00:18:36.840 --> 00:18:40.680 that's my job, and I've been focusing it for quite a few 297 00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:44.125 years now on yet self development, on 298 00:18:44.125 --> 00:18:47.424 observing how I relate to the world. And 299 00:18:47.804 --> 00:18:51.340 even though I find myself knowing better, I still get caught out. I 300 00:18:51.340 --> 00:18:55.100 still get into that. I don't particularly like 301 00:18:55.100 --> 00:18:58.945 that term, what but people use it victim 302 00:18:58.945 --> 00:19:02.705 mentality. It's not a nice term, but I haven't thought of 303 00:19:02.705 --> 00:19:06.325 anything better yet other than just in that disempowered 304 00:19:06.544 --> 00:19:10.230 mode. And but when I catch myself, because I've been 305 00:19:10.529 --> 00:19:14.130 really self developing for years years now, I I am able to 306 00:19:14.130 --> 00:19:17.525 catch myself using the language that 307 00:19:17.525 --> 00:19:21.285 keeps me stuck in that disempowered mode. So I'm 308 00:19:21.285 --> 00:19:24.425 able to catch it sooner, and I'm able to 309 00:19:25.125 --> 00:19:28.740 rationalize in my head to think, right. Hang on a 310 00:19:28.740 --> 00:19:32.500 second. Get a grip of yourself. So I think 311 00:19:32.500 --> 00:19:36.120 that's kind of the the core of that self leadership, 312 00:19:36.404 --> 00:19:40.245 just striving to because there's always gonna be things 313 00:19:40.245 --> 00:19:43.764 that's out of our control. And, and we can 314 00:19:43.764 --> 00:19:47.020 only act in whatever circumstances 315 00:19:47.480 --> 00:19:51.100 we are at the time, but we can act either 316 00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:55.184 from the disempowered mode where we just just go with 317 00:19:55.184 --> 00:19:58.625 what things are and and just live an unhappy and 318 00:19:58.625 --> 00:20:02.360 miserable life, or we 319 00:20:02.360 --> 00:20:05.659 can be in the same place where 320 00:20:06.520 --> 00:20:09.820 we have no control of certain things, but we can decide 321 00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:14.255 to do whatever we can to change 322 00:20:14.255 --> 00:20:18.015 our own reality around us in the hope that it 323 00:20:18.015 --> 00:20:21.670 will ripple. So You talked about victim mentality. 324 00:20:21.970 --> 00:20:25.590 I I can relate to the the concept here. Is this internalization 325 00:20:26.690 --> 00:20:30.144 you feel sometimes or you you you feel other 326 00:20:30.144 --> 00:20:33.904 people's language being used against you sometimes, and that can cause 327 00:20:33.904 --> 00:20:37.684 you to sometimes fight back, to be angry, to be frustrated. 328 00:20:39.140 --> 00:20:42.120 It takes a real strength of character to be able to step back, 329 00:20:43.140 --> 00:20:46.965 reflect, and then refocus what 330 00:20:46.965 --> 00:20:50.265 you're what what you're who you are, what you're trying to say without 331 00:20:50.485 --> 00:20:53.620 feeling that pressure of others to who judge you. And And I think that's what 332 00:20:53.620 --> 00:20:57.300 you're trying to say there. It's this the victim mentality is where you're you're 333 00:20:57.300 --> 00:21:01.035 living in a world of oppression or marginalization. And how do you step 334 00:21:01.035 --> 00:21:04.795 into that and with the strength? Because it it can be exhausting, can't it, 335 00:21:04.795 --> 00:21:07.615 to try and keep overcoming that adversity. 336 00:21:08.789 --> 00:21:10.570 It can be very exhausting. 337 00:21:12.470 --> 00:21:16.230 Or if you keep overcoming, it can be exhausting. But if you know where 338 00:21:16.230 --> 00:21:19.815 you're going at, you kind of you know, you you 339 00:21:19.815 --> 00:21:23.495 can can be fueled by by your end 340 00:21:23.495 --> 00:21:27.240 goal. However, it is for example, to 341 00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:31.080 address what you what you were saying, in one of my talks, 342 00:21:31.080 --> 00:21:34.380 I speak one of my talks is exactly that, you know, disempowered 343 00:21:34.965 --> 00:21:37.945 disempowering language and how to take our control back. 344 00:21:38.885 --> 00:21:42.405 And in that talk, I give examples. So for example and this is now a 345 00:21:42.405 --> 00:21:46.120 daily language, which, you know, we we use it flippantly 346 00:21:46.120 --> 00:21:49.480 a lot of times. We don't really think, and it's easily done. We all fall 347 00:21:49.480 --> 00:21:53.225 for it. But the brain work. That's how the 348 00:21:53.225 --> 00:21:56.665 brain works, like brain plasticity, the way the 349 00:21:56.665 --> 00:22:00.500 pathways form from young ages, 350 00:22:02.320 --> 00:22:05.860 the language constructs the way we relate to the world. 351 00:22:06.535 --> 00:22:09.195 So for example, if someone 352 00:22:10.375 --> 00:22:14.059 pulled in in front of me in in traffic as I'm driving, I'm I'm 353 00:22:14.059 --> 00:22:16.880 a lot better now. I was a lot worse than before before. 354 00:22:17.419 --> 00:22:21.100 But I could really I could 355 00:22:21.100 --> 00:22:24.615 really get into this rage, I suppose, because a lot of 356 00:22:24.615 --> 00:22:28.455 times, the expression of the expression of the 357 00:22:28.455 --> 00:22:32.270 sense of lack of power in a situation, a lot 358 00:22:32.270 --> 00:22:35.890 of times is expressed as anger. And 359 00:22:35.950 --> 00:22:39.150 so I would get into that rage. I mean, I wouldn't act on it. I 360 00:22:39.150 --> 00:22:42.785 wouldn't start, you know, beeping my my horn or throwing 361 00:22:42.785 --> 00:22:46.385 coffee cups at a car. I wouldn't act on it, but it would simmer 362 00:22:46.385 --> 00:22:50.100 inside me. And and and I I had 363 00:22:50.100 --> 00:22:53.700 to find the ways. Ultimately, at some point, going through 364 00:22:53.700 --> 00:22:56.760 life, probably studying and just generally maturing, 365 00:22:57.445 --> 00:23:01.144 it dawned on me that, right, the only person that is suffering 366 00:23:01.284 --> 00:23:05.044 this situation now is you. That person they 367 00:23:05.044 --> 00:23:08.750 pulled in and moved on. And the way it is, for example, reflected 368 00:23:08.750 --> 00:23:12.050 in the language. So we could say, oh, he pissed me off, 369 00:23:12.670 --> 00:23:16.495 or she does my head in, or they always do 370 00:23:16.495 --> 00:23:20.335 that to me. And this is a very flippant use of language, which 371 00:23:20.335 --> 00:23:24.175 we do because it's a very it's an everyday language, and we all do 372 00:23:24.175 --> 00:23:27.820 that. And I say it myself, but if 373 00:23:27.820 --> 00:23:31.659 we stop for a second to reframe the way we 374 00:23:31.659 --> 00:23:35.345 say it. So if you think, oh, she 375 00:23:35.345 --> 00:23:39.185 pissed me off, for example. Well well, that's it. 376 00:23:39.185 --> 00:23:42.950 So you are that that passive agent in the 377 00:23:42.950 --> 00:23:45.450 situation because she acted 378 00:23:46.470 --> 00:23:50.125 upon you. And if you reframe, for example just 379 00:23:50.205 --> 00:23:53.965 take that one second to reframe that exactly the 380 00:23:53.965 --> 00:23:57.645 same situation and just saying, I feel pissed off because 381 00:23:57.645 --> 00:24:01.309 of what you said or what she did. The The situation is still the same, 382 00:24:01.309 --> 00:24:05.070 and the trouble is a lot of in this situation, when I try and suggest 383 00:24:05.070 --> 00:24:08.654 that people could reframe it like that, some people can 384 00:24:08.654 --> 00:24:12.335 feel very defensive and say, so are you saying that it's it's my 385 00:24:12.335 --> 00:24:15.375 fault that I feel that way? And that's not at all what I'm saying. I'm 386 00:24:15.375 --> 00:24:19.200 not saying it's anybody's fault that someone feels the way that 387 00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:22.720 they do. I'm saying that is if you think 388 00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:26.465 that I feel how I feel because of what's 389 00:24:26.465 --> 00:24:29.845 been done to me, the situation is the same. There's an objective 390 00:24:29.905 --> 00:24:33.745 truth that something was done that, you know, you were 391 00:24:33.745 --> 00:24:37.580 wronged in in the same situation here for you as the same as someone pulled 392 00:24:37.580 --> 00:24:41.260 in in front of you, to use a simple example. So, yes, you were 393 00:24:41.260 --> 00:24:44.414 potentially wronged, and the feelings 394 00:24:44.635 --> 00:24:48.414 are justified, but do they serve you? And 395 00:24:48.955 --> 00:24:52.790 if they don't serve you, you can either stay in that self righteous place, which 396 00:24:52.790 --> 00:24:56.470 is which is justified, absolutely justified, but where is that going to 397 00:24:56.470 --> 00:25:00.150 take you? All you're doing, you're killing your own nerve cells by feeling like you 398 00:25:00.150 --> 00:25:03.515 do. You're not able to drop your best 399 00:25:04.215 --> 00:25:07.434 self in in your following interactions 400 00:25:08.135 --> 00:25:11.880 for the rest of the day, possibly, let's say. Whereas if only you 401 00:25:11.880 --> 00:25:15.340