Joanne Lockwood: Foreign.
Joanne Lockwood: Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuary
Joanne Lockwood: for bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood,
Joanne Lockwood: your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart of
Joanne Lockwood: inclusion, belonging and societal transformation.
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Joanne Lockwood: not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone.
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Joanne Lockwood: So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to
Joanne Lockwood: ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites.
Joanne Lockwood: And today is episode 180
Joanne Lockwood: with the title Healing Begins with Belonging.
Joanne Lockwood: And I have the absolute honour and privilege to welcome Tenya
Joanne Lockwood: Eichenberg. Tenya is a mind, body, energy
Joanne Lockwood: facilitator who helps people clear, emotional and
Joanne Lockwood: energetic blocks to heal, transform and thrive.
Joanne Lockwood: And when I asked Tina to describe her superpower, she said that it is
Joanne Lockwood: being able to empower others to release what no longer serves
Joanne Lockwood: and step into their most authentic selves. Hello, Tenya,
Joanne Lockwood: welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited.
Joanne Lockwood: It's a pleasure. And I'm guessing from your accent, you're not in the uk?
Tenya Eickenberg: I'm not. I'm in the. In the States, on the other side of the pond.
Joanne Lockwood: That side of the pond, yeah. Whereabouts? I'm in Maryland,
Tenya Eickenberg: just outside of Washington, dc. Yep. Been to
Joanne Lockwood: New York? I've never made. I've never made Washington state or anywhere around there. So,
Joanne Lockwood: yeah, one day. One day. Maybe in five years time.
Joanne Lockwood: So it's coming up for Easter, you got anything planned?
Tenya Eickenberg: My son is moving. My son is moving out of
Tenya Eickenberg: our home. My husband and I are going to become empty nesters. Wow.
Joanne Lockwood: Exciting. Yeah, so that's happening. We're actually going to start
Tenya Eickenberg: moving him and his girlfriend in today and then they'll
Tenya Eickenberg: officially move everything in on Friday. So we're going to be helping them
Tenya Eickenberg: set up Friday and then we're just going to kind of enjoy the weekend
Tenya Eickenberg: with some Easter plans with where we get to meet my. Meet his
Tenya Eickenberg: girlfriend's family. So that's exciting. Yeah. And then
Tenya Eickenberg: probably on Easter, we're probably just going to chill out. We're going to stay at
Tenya Eickenberg: a campground and just enjoy each other's company
Tenya Eickenberg: for a day. Reconnect to each other as,
Joanne Lockwood: as life partners. Yeah, that was, that's one thing
Tenya Eickenberg: that we've always strived to make consistent
Tenya Eickenberg: throughout our marriage. We'll be married 29 years this year together for 30.
Tenya Eickenberg: We have a 28 year old daughter and then our twins are 25
Tenya Eickenberg: and we also have a granddaughter who's gonna be born within the next week or
Tenya Eickenberg: two. So lots of changes going on in this next week,
Tenya Eickenberg: next two weeks. But yeah, we always made it a point to, to put
Tenya Eickenberg: our relationship kind of the main focus of our
Tenya Eickenberg: foundation because we knew that one day our kids were going to move out
Tenya Eickenberg: and it was gonna be him and I that were gonna be left
Tenya Eickenberg: holding up the fort and we wanted to make sure that we had a good
Tenya Eickenberg: foundation for when we went into that, that space that we could
Tenya Eickenberg: support each other just as a couple. Hmm.
Joanne Lockwood: I mean you're probably say seven or eight years behind us.
Joanne Lockwood: Our son was the final one to move out. Yeah, about seven or eight years
Joanne Lockwood: ago. But yeah, our daughter's in her 30s, married
Joanne Lockwood: our son's, he's in his 30s as well now and
Joanne Lockwood: got a lot a long term partner which he's living with. So yeah, it's
Joanne Lockwood: important to reconnect, isn't it? Because if you sit on the sofa looking at
Joanne Lockwood: each other going, what are we worried about? What are we going to do now?
Joanne Lockwood: It's a real strange feeling to go back to that time before children
Joanne Lockwood: BC right when you used to lay in on a Saturday
Joanne Lockwood: morning and go, well it's nothing to do today. We're just laze around. We could
Joanne Lockwood: do whatever we want. No one cares if we don't go out. Don't, don't, don't,
Joanne Lockwood: don't put any clothes on today. No one's going to notice. Right? Right.
Tenya Eickenberg: Yeah. Well, we didn't really have, have that couple time before
Tenya Eickenberg: we started dating. And then three months later I became pregnant
Tenya Eickenberg: and then a year later we got married. So our oldest was six weeks old
Tenya Eickenberg: when we got married. Lovely. So we've always had children
Tenya Eickenberg: during our marriage and we really only we have
Tenya Eickenberg: never lived together alone because we lived
Tenya Eickenberg: with roommates before I got pregnant. Well actually no, we lived with roommates
Tenya Eickenberg: when I found out I was pregnant. So we've, you know, we've always had somebody
Tenya Eickenberg: else there during our relationship, whether it was in utero or,
Tenya Eickenberg: you know, as a big human. I mean we've gone on
Tenya Eickenberg: vacations just the two of us, but really never been longer than a week, maybe
Tenya Eickenberg: 10 days at most. It's Quite exciting. Then it is really
Joanne Lockwood: a new chapter in your life. Yeah. Yeah, it's very exciting, but we're definitely very
Tenya Eickenberg: excited for it. Yeah. My wife and I, we have. We love
Joanne Lockwood: our time together. Yeah. And we love it when our children
Joanne Lockwood: visit, and we love it when our parents come as well, because we're at that
Joanne Lockwood: family generation. We've got responsibility for the elder generation as well as the.
Joanne Lockwood: You can't get rid of responsibility no matter what age you are these days.
Joanne Lockwood: So you talk about healing and helping others thrive.
Joanne Lockwood: What got you into what you do and creating these sort of safe spaces for
Joanne Lockwood: transformation within people. I was looking for a safe space.
Tenya Eickenberg: In 2018, we had the most
Tenya Eickenberg: amazing year for our family until this point, where we are
Tenya Eickenberg: now extending our family into grandchildren. In
Tenya Eickenberg: 2018, both my husband and our oldest were graduating from
Tenya Eickenberg: college. Our twins were graduating from high school, and we were
Tenya Eickenberg: moving to our forever home right here, right off the Chesapeake Bay in
Tenya Eickenberg: Maryland. And we have been wanting to move back to this place. And
Tenya Eickenberg: so I had this vision of what it
Tenya Eickenberg: was going to be like because in this community I have, My best friend was
Tenya Eickenberg: living here. Her family was living here. And this is the place I
Tenya Eickenberg: lived when I was 15 years old, when my dad got stationed in
Tenya Eickenberg: Maryland in the Air Force. And so this is where I met my two best
Tenya Eickenberg: friends. And it was. It just had held a lot of
Tenya Eickenberg: memories and a lot of fun and a lot of love. And so I really
Tenya Eickenberg: wanted to move back here. And so we had the opportunity to do that when
Tenya Eickenberg: a friend told us that they were selling their house and would we like to
Tenya Eickenberg: buy it. And that was in. That was in, like, February
Tenya Eickenberg: or March of 2018. And we're like, well,
Tenya Eickenberg: you know, when you're ready, let us know. And. And
Tenya Eickenberg: we'll. We'll start the ball rolling. And like, June, they were like, okay,
Tenya Eickenberg: so we're ready to. To get the ball rolling. Is this still something you want
Tenya Eickenberg: to do? And we said yes. And so within six
Tenya Eickenberg: months of saying yes, we had re. Re redone our
Tenya Eickenberg: townhome. So put it on the market. We put it on the market in September,
Tenya Eickenberg: sold it in October, moved in in November. So incredibly quick. Which
Tenya Eickenberg: to me, knowing what I know now about the law of attraction and energy
Tenya Eickenberg: work, when you're in flow, things move quite quickly. And that
Tenya Eickenberg: moved quite quickly. Downside was we were moving to the beach in the winter,
Tenya Eickenberg: which totally sucks because you can't enjoy
Tenya Eickenberg: sitting on the beach and wading through the water.
Tenya Eickenberg: And mid November, it's. It's too cold and it's
Tenya Eickenberg: dreary and it's no fun. So we were kind
Tenya Eickenberg: of secluded from everybody for like the first
Tenya Eickenberg: six months. We'd go over to people's houses, but it just was not what I
Tenya Eickenberg: had envisioned. And then summer hit and we were
Tenya Eickenberg: able to start getting outside. But prior to that I'd
Tenya Eickenberg: had a bit of a falling out with my mom.
Tenya Eickenberg: And it caused a lot of stress emotionally for me.
Tenya Eickenberg: And I started to self medicate. I started to drink and smoke.
Tenya Eickenberg: I hadn't smoked for like eight years. And I started
Tenya Eickenberg: smoking again partially because I was around people who were smoking. It was
Tenya Eickenberg: easy access to this old
Tenya Eickenberg: drug that I used to use to hide
Tenya Eickenberg: my emotions to relax through
Tenya Eickenberg: traumatic events. I started smoking when I was 13, so it wasn't hard to
Tenya Eickenberg: pick back up and remember how good it made me
Tenya Eickenberg: feel when I was feeling extremely stressed and
Tenya Eickenberg: emotional. And then of course I added in the alcohol because we're sitting on the
Tenya Eickenberg: beach so you want to have your margaritas and, and all that stuff.
Tenya Eickenberg: And so I really suppressed
Tenya Eickenberg: a lot of things for about a year. And I knew that
Tenya Eickenberg: things were getting bad when I would start driving home
Tenya Eickenberg: from work and I would imagine what would happen
Tenya Eickenberg: if I just let my van run into
Tenya Eickenberg: a telephone pole. How would that make me feel?
Tenya Eickenberg: Could I get a few days off? Because I was under the
Tenya Eickenberg: mindset that I can't, I can't take vacation days because what if I get
Tenya Eickenberg: sick and I really need em, or actually on
Tenya Eickenberg: the flip side, I wanted to use them for vacations so then I
Tenya Eickenberg: couldn't use em for sick. That was probably more true than, than
Tenya Eickenberg: the other way. Like I wanted to be able to take an entire week off
Tenya Eickenberg: and go someplace and relax with my husband. And
Tenya Eickenberg: I couldn't do that if I took mental health days. Cause I
Tenya Eickenberg: only had, at that time, I think I only had two weeks a year to
Tenya Eickenberg: take off, you know, and then your weekends are filled with, with stuff you
Tenya Eickenberg: can't get done during the week when you're working 40 hours a week. And I
Tenya Eickenberg: was working an hour from home. So I
Tenya Eickenberg: was out of the house for 10 hours a
Tenya Eickenberg: day, 11 hours a day, depending on what was going on that day.
Tenya Eickenberg: And so I got to the point where I was like, I, I'm thinking about
Tenya Eickenberg: hurting myself. I need, I need help. And at the time I only knew
Tenya Eickenberg: the traditional roots talk therapy and medication
Tenya Eickenberg: because I grew up with a mother who was diagnosed bipolar when I was 7
Tenya Eickenberg: or 8 years old. And that was the first time meditation was brought into my
Tenya Eickenberg: life, but it was never anything
Tenya Eickenberg: that was taught to me. It wasn't anything that was for an eight
Tenya Eickenberg: or nine year old to do so. And then after we,
Tenya Eickenberg: we actually, we were living in England at the time when my mom was
Tenya Eickenberg: diagnosed and she had to deal with her own mental illness and
Tenya Eickenberg: so she didn't have the capacity to, to teach us kids how to handle our
Tenya Eickenberg: own emotions, our own mental health. But I had seen her go to therapy
Tenya Eickenberg: and she had been on medication for as long as I can
Tenya Eickenberg: remember. So I went that route
Tenya Eickenberg: and was on it for about six to eight weeks. And both the
Tenya Eickenberg: doctor and the therapist, the doctor wanted to up my medication. When I said it
Tenya Eickenberg: wasn't working so well. And talk therapy, it just felt like I was talking about
Tenya Eickenberg: the same things I had talked about for years with other therapists. Not saying
Tenya Eickenberg: that anything that they were doing was wrong. It just wasn't right for
Tenya Eickenberg: me. And I didn't feel like you asked about that
Tenya Eickenberg: safe space. I didn't feel safe enough with either of them to tell them that
Tenya Eickenberg: I had thought about hurting myself because I didn't know them. You know, sharing
Tenya Eickenberg: that you are thinking of hurting yourself or taking your own life
Tenya Eickenberg: with somebody you don't know if is hard. Sharing it
Tenya Eickenberg: with somebody you do know is even harder.
Tenya Eickenberg: So, so, you know, think about what
Tenya Eickenberg: it takes for somebody to take their own life. They think
Tenya Eickenberg: that, that, that is the easiest option to
Tenya Eickenberg: telling somebody that they're thinking about hurting themselves.
Tenya Eickenberg: Because we have seen nothing. But in the
Tenya Eickenberg: movies, TV shows, whenever somebody has said that they, they
Tenya Eickenberg: feel crazy or they feel insane or they're feeling certain ways,
Tenya Eickenberg: certain feelings. Even if, if they're saying like I, I feel
Tenya Eickenberg: like I'm gonna hurt myself, the next scene is always them being in
Tenya Eickenberg: either a padded room or some, a room by themselves, sitting
Tenya Eickenberg: on a bed. There's there, there doesn't seem to be, at least
Tenya Eickenberg: in the past, that I have seen a good
Tenya Eickenberg: representation of what happens if you tell somebody I
Tenya Eickenberg: feel like I'm going to hurt myself. Have you seen anything, anything that would
Tenya Eickenberg: encourage people to be okay with saying
Tenya Eickenberg: I'm hurting and I feel like I don't want to be here anymore.
Joanne Lockwood: It's all caught up in stigma and shame, guilt,
Joanne Lockwood: not being strong enough, not being capable enough. You know,
Joanne Lockwood: I'm a strong woman. How can I be like this?
Joanne Lockwood: I associate this, that feeling with other people,
Joanne Lockwood: not with me. I don't want to be a failure. I don't want to admit
Joanne Lockwood: I'm broken. That's Part of my. I think this is what you're saying to yourself,
Joanne Lockwood: isn't it? Part of the problem here is that I'm
Joanne Lockwood: failing. And that. And to face up to it makes me feel more of a
Joanne Lockwood: failure. Having to admit it, having. Having emotions
Tenya Eickenberg: makes us feel broken. And I'll be the first
Tenya Eickenberg: to admit, because I'm still human, that there are times when
Tenya Eickenberg: I try to still hide me getting
Tenya Eickenberg: upset. Now my kids know that I'm a very easy
Tenya Eickenberg: crier. And when I'm watching movies that are very
Tenya Eickenberg: compassionate and heartfelt, they will be the first ones to look at
Tenya Eickenberg: me to see if I'm okay. And I'm always crying
Tenya Eickenberg: because it's just how I feel emotions. But
Tenya Eickenberg: when I'm out in public, I will
Tenya Eickenberg: still find myself trying to push those down because I don't
Tenya Eickenberg: want the attention of feeling my emotions. But we need
Tenya Eickenberg: to feel our emotions. So It's a catch 22. It's like, how do you get
Tenya Eickenberg: comfortable with feeling your emotions when
Tenya Eickenberg: you're having them? It's really hard to do because you
Tenya Eickenberg: really do have to navigate
Tenya Eickenberg: how other people might react to you because they don't know
Tenya Eickenberg: how to deal with your emotions because they don't
Tenya Eickenberg: know how to deal with their own emotions.
Joanne Lockwood: When you are. When you were going down this. I
Joanne Lockwood: don't know if this is a good metaphor or not going down this slope
Joanne Lockwood: towards this, I suppose this mental anxiety you were facing
Joanne Lockwood: or whatever, however you describe it, looking back on that
Joanne Lockwood: time, can you see the triggers and
Joanne Lockwood: the steps that were sucking you into that further and further?
Joanne Lockwood: At the time you were looking for
Joanne Lockwood: alcohol, nicotine, as ways of
Joanne Lockwood: avoiding you dealing with the real problem? These were sort of. These
Joanne Lockwood: were boosting brain chemicals that made you feel better about yourself or less worse.
Tenya Eickenberg: Yes. Looking back, I can absolutely see
Tenya Eickenberg: how I was reaching for a cigarette
Tenya Eickenberg: first thing in the morning to help suppress
Tenya Eickenberg: what I knew would come up later in the day. I would, you know, I
Tenya Eickenberg: would sit out on our deck smoking
Tenya Eickenberg: a cigarette, scrolling through what, you know,
Tenya Eickenberg: TikTok and just mind numb. I couldn't.
Tenya Eickenberg: Every time my phone would ring and my mom would pop up on the screen,
Tenya Eickenberg: I could feel my body tense up. Anytime my
Tenya Eickenberg: dad would call, I would tense up because I'm sure it had something to do
Tenya Eickenberg: with my mom because my dad never calls. So it was, you know,
Tenya Eickenberg: it was always. And I would always wait for. If it had been a
Tenya Eickenberg: couple of months since there had been eggs breaking, I would
Tenya Eickenberg: wait for. Wait for the. The call that would cause
Tenya Eickenberg: me to have to walk on eggshells. Do you think some of this links
Joanne Lockwood: back to your family
Joanne Lockwood: history of bipolar? Absolutely. These are manic
Joanne Lockwood: episodes. So people around you would have realised that
Joanne Lockwood: Tina's having a manic episode here, not knowing what to do
Joanne Lockwood: with it. I think I was definitely afraid of that.
Tenya Eickenberg: Right. Because for as long as I could remember, my mom would always tell me
Tenya Eickenberg: that bipolar disorder runs in our family. You have
Tenya Eickenberg: a 50, 50 chance of getting it. But I always said, oh, no,
Tenya Eickenberg: whatever my mom gets starts with her and ends with her. And I think
Tenya Eickenberg: that is. And this is where, again, our belief systems come
Tenya Eickenberg: into play and intentions come into play because we
Tenya Eickenberg: don't have to inherit what our parent,
Tenya Eickenberg: who our parents are. My mom also has several illnesses that
Tenya Eickenberg: are hereditary, but nobody before her has
Tenya Eickenberg: them and nobody in my family is going to have it.
Tenya Eickenberg: It's not being passed down through me. And I think that has really helped me
Tenya Eickenberg: in moving towards the energy healing aspect of it.
Tenya Eickenberg: Because through energy healing you can clear out those
Tenya Eickenberg: inherited energies, those, those things that
Tenya Eickenberg: are passed down from generation to generation to generation.
Tenya Eickenberg: And when I, when I, when I told myself I'm, I'm not gonna, I don't
Tenya Eickenberg: wanna be on medication. I think medication is great
Tenya Eickenberg: for short term and I know a lot of people are not
Tenya Eickenberg: going to agree with that because a lot of people have had much success being
Tenya Eickenberg: on medications for their anxiety and depression for, for
Tenya Eickenberg: decades. And congratulations. I am
Tenya Eickenberg: so glad that you found something that worked for you, but it
Tenya Eickenberg: doesn't work for everybody and it wasn't working for
Tenya Eickenberg: me. And so that's when I, I asked the
Tenya Eickenberg: universe, I asked God, whoever was listening, give me something
Tenya Eickenberg: that is going to get rid of this anxiety and depression,
Tenya Eickenberg: get me something that is going to cure it. I was looking for a cure.
Tenya Eickenberg: I was not looking to manage my mental illnesses. I
Tenya Eickenberg: was not looking to survive through my mental illnesses.
Tenya Eickenberg: I wanted them gone. And that's when energy healing came into
Tenya Eickenberg: my awareness. And to be honest, I was
Tenya Eickenberg: sceptical at first because it was the emotion code that came into
Tenya Eickenberg: my awareness. And if you haven't heard of the emotion code, it's
Tenya Eickenberg: using muscle testing or kinesiology to
Tenya Eickenberg: test your body's muscular system for yes and no
Tenya Eickenberg: answers, for truth and false answers, for your
Tenya Eickenberg: subconscious, for your body, for you alone, not anybody
Tenya Eickenberg: else. And so I was like, do I drink
Tenya Eickenberg: this purple Kool Aid? Because I wasn't gonna be taking, I
Tenya Eickenberg: wasn't going to ingest anything because that was,
Tenya Eickenberg: that was the belief that I had had for so Long
Tenya Eickenberg: that I had to one, give my power away to somebody
Tenya Eickenberg: else to heal me. And two,
Tenya Eickenberg: because my anxiety and depression have always, I've always been told
Tenya Eickenberg: it's a chemical imbalance. And so if it's a chemical imbalance, then
Tenya Eickenberg: you have to treat it with chemical to rebalance it. But
Tenya Eickenberg: the emotion code required no
Tenya Eickenberg: medications, it required not ingesting any
Tenya Eickenberg: chemicals, which was exactly what I was looking for. So is,
Joanne Lockwood: is it your belief or your theory that a lot of
Joanne Lockwood: how the body reacts is fed from signals from the brain?
Joanne Lockwood: So if you reprogram your brain in a more positive
Joanne Lockwood: way, I'm not saying it will cure everything, but it
Joanne Lockwood: will certainly influence how the body responds. Is
Joanne Lockwood: that the basic theory? Yeah. Although I don't think it's. I don't think it,
Tenya Eickenberg: I don't think that it is just about the brain. It is about every single
Tenya Eickenberg: organ in our body. When
Tenya Eickenberg: we don't feel emotions and we're. I'm going to use
Tenya Eickenberg: just this lifetime because I'm a believer that we don't
Tenya Eickenberg: only have one lifetime. I believe that we have, we live as a soul
Tenya Eickenberg: that has lived on different timelines, different lifetimes. And
Tenya Eickenberg: our soul brings that experience into wherever
Tenya Eickenberg: we are today. With that, we bring whatever that
Tenya Eickenberg: soul is holding onto. So even though our soul is,
Tenya Eickenberg: is coming here to have a human experience, it's had many human
Tenya Eickenberg: experiences and it brings all of that knowledge. But with that
Tenya Eickenberg: knowledge comes any trauma that they
Tenya Eickenberg: may have attached themselves to in those other lifetimes or
Tenya Eickenberg: in those other timelines. Right. So, so it's very woo woo. You know, a
Tenya Eickenberg: lot of people are not on that same wavelength. They think that we, you know,
Tenya Eickenberg: our brains are what's controlling everything and once our bodies are
Tenya Eickenberg: dead, that's it, we're gone. But that's not my belief. So I think that
Tenya Eickenberg: our bodies hold onto so much and from this lifetime
Tenya Eickenberg: we can have trapped emotions stuck in our shoulder, we can have them stuck in
Tenya Eickenberg: our hips, we can have it stuck in our bladder. So it's not just about
Tenya Eickenberg: the mind. And even though our mind has,
Tenya Eickenberg: has been tested to be controlling a lot
Tenya Eickenberg: of what we do as humans, I don't think science
Tenya Eickenberg: is gotten everything right, hasn't gotten
Tenya Eickenberg: everything to show us the big picture. Yeah, I
Joanne Lockwood: can relate to the concept that we don't know everything
Joanne Lockwood: and what we do know is based on, largely on observation
Joanne Lockwood: and there are things we can't observe that just happen and anything. I want to
Joanne Lockwood: call that spirituality, want to call that bigger being, whatever. I don't
Joanne Lockwood: have any proof either way? Not a, an overly, I'm not, I'm not a religious
Joanne Lockwood: person at all. But I, I, I do have a, what I would call a
Joanne Lockwood: spirituality, a Buddhism without the religion sort of thing. It's, it's
Joanne Lockwood: about interconnection with the world and people and
Joanne Lockwood: self, I guess, without any, any, without any definition of what
Joanne Lockwood: that means. My life is better when I'm connected with myself and my
Joanne Lockwood: environment. Right? Right. And it's not just connecting with your, with your mind, it's
Tenya Eickenberg: connecting with your heart, it's connecting with your entire
Tenya Eickenberg: being. And with that being said, when we do the conscious
Tenya Eickenberg: work, when we do do mindset work,
Tenya Eickenberg: it does work. It does take quite a
Tenya Eickenberg: while though. I mean you, when you are retraining
Tenya Eickenberg: your brain, retraining, really looking at your belief systems
Tenya Eickenberg: and, and asking yourself, do I still want to believe this? Do I still want,
Tenya Eickenberg: you know, do I still want to believe that the sky is blue? Right?
Tenya Eickenberg: It then you have to say, okay, so if I don't want to believe that
Tenya Eickenberg: the sky is blue anymore, what colour do I want it to believe that it
Tenya Eickenberg: is? And how do I change my mindset around? Well, you've got all of these
Tenya Eickenberg: other people over here that are saying, oh no, but the sky is blue.
Tenya Eickenberg: And you've got yourself over here going, yeah, but, but is it really? Because some
Tenya Eickenberg: of it looks white, some of it looks purple. It all depends on when you're
Tenya Eickenberg: seeing it, what time of day are you seeing it? So it can take a
Tenya Eickenberg: long time to shift your mindset into
Tenya Eickenberg: whatever it is that your, your, your goal is,
Tenya Eickenberg: when will you bring energy healing into it to help to clear
Tenya Eickenberg: away those emotions or those stuck trauma energies. Just these balls
Tenya Eickenberg: of energy, you know, those little prickly things you get on your socks when you
Tenya Eickenberg: walk through a field. So that's how I see energ
Tenya Eickenberg: the, these trauma energies, these, these stuck emotions, these
Tenya Eickenberg: negative energies that are impacting our physical
Tenya Eickenberg: body as well as our spirit and our souls. When we find those,
Tenya Eickenberg: we can pluck them out. Problem is sometimes they're so
Tenya Eickenberg: hidden, like they're so stuck down in your socks. You can feel it,
Tenya Eickenberg: but you can't find it. Right? So in a sense,
Tenya Eickenberg: you want to take your entire, you want to take your sock off and you
Tenya Eickenberg: want to start picking them out because they're hurting you. But you can't do that
Tenya Eickenberg: with your body. You can't just take your meat suit off and pick
Tenya Eickenberg: out all the trauma energies with muscle testing
Tenya Eickenberg: and charts. Right? Just, just there's an emotion code
Tenya Eickenberg: chart that has like 60 different emotions. You can muscle test your
Tenya Eickenberg: body to find do you have a trapped emotion of
Tenya Eickenberg: anxiety? And if you get a yes, okay,
Tenya Eickenberg: you ask, can, can I release it? And you might get
Tenya Eickenberg: a no, because you might need to know more about it. You might need to
Tenya Eickenberg: know how old you were when you got the emotion. You might need to know
Tenya Eickenberg: if the emotion is inherited or did you absorb it from somebody else that you
Tenya Eickenberg: were standing next to. And if you need to know those kinds of things, your
Tenya Eickenberg: body will tell you. You find out what you need to
Tenya Eickenberg: know and, and then you ask, can I release it? And then you
Tenya Eickenberg: release it. With the emotion code, you swipe your governing meridian
Tenya Eickenberg: and this is where. This is where. Again, I was
Tenya Eickenberg: sceptical about using this energy work.
Tenya Eickenberg: It had nothing to do with, is it the devil?
Tenya Eickenberg: Is it, is it entities, is it anything like that? Had nothing to do with
Tenya Eickenberg: that. It was just the, the newness of what this
Tenya Eickenberg: modality was and how easy, really, how
Tenya Eickenberg: easy it was to feel better and that I didn't have to wait
Tenya Eickenberg: six to eight weeks to see if I was feeling better. So, yeah,
Tenya Eickenberg: so, you know, once you're, you're able to release it, you get that, yes,
Tenya Eickenberg: I can release this. That's how easy it is to clear and
Tenya Eickenberg: release what's no longer serving you. I suppose one of my core beliefs
Joanne Lockwood: is that my entire reality is generated by my
Joanne Lockwood: consciousness. Whatever my consciousness is, we call it my
Joanne Lockwood: programme, my AI, my brain, whatever it is. So
Joanne Lockwood: everything I look, feel, see, touch, experience has been generated from
Joanne Lockwood: electrical stimulus into my consciousness. And that
Joanne Lockwood: creates a pattern or a process. And I also have a belief that how
Joanne Lockwood: I process things is unique to me. And when you say the sky is
Joanne Lockwood: blue, how I define blue in my mind isn't necessarily how you
Joanne Lockwood: define blue in your mind, red. We all interpret that wavelength of
Joanne Lockwood: light in our own way, which is why some of us like these two colours
Joanne Lockwood: together. And some of us don't like those two colours together because there's a clash
Joanne Lockwood: or whatever it may be. The taste. Everything we experience is all based on our
Joanne Lockwood: brains taking stimulus and processing them. In fact,
Joanne Lockwood: this entire conversation is made up in my own mind. I'm being told that you're
Joanne Lockwood: there because I can see you through my eyes, I can hear you through my
Joanne Lockwood: ears, but those are just senses and those electrical stimulus is going into my brain
Joanne Lockwood: and the brain process them. So I can support
Joanne Lockwood: the idea completely that our consciousness
Joanne Lockwood: can override much of what we think, feel and
Joanne Lockwood: believe. If we learn to train it and focus on it. So yeah, everything you're
Joanne Lockwood: saying there, I could believe. Yeah, yeah. And we start
Tenya Eickenberg: getting trained on what to believe the day
Tenya Eickenberg: we're born. Right. Because our parents start to instil their
Tenya Eickenberg: beliefs in us right from the beginning. And then our teachers start to
Tenya Eickenberg: instil in us the beliefs of the school system. It's not until
Tenya Eickenberg: we get to be 12 or 13 years old we start to
Tenya Eickenberg: question our own beliefs and they call it
Tenya Eickenberg: revival. Why? Why? The why? Yeah, yeah.
Tenya Eickenberg: Well, yeah, it's like, was it like 3 or 4 years old when they start
Tenya Eickenberg: asking why? Why? But, but then we become teenagers and
Tenya Eickenberg: we start to rebel against our belief systems. Whatever. Yeah,
Joanne Lockwood: that's right, right. Whatever. Belief systems have been instilled in us.
Tenya Eickenberg: Our kids did it, we did it. It's just a part of, of
Tenya Eickenberg: being human is, is figuring out who you are.
Tenya Eickenberg: However, if you are in an environment where the
Tenya Eickenberg: belief systems of your parents are continually being instilled in you, it's very
Tenya Eickenberg: hard sometimes to change your belief system until you get out of
Tenya Eickenberg: the house. And once you do that, then you can really start to figure out
Tenya Eickenberg: who you are if you have the opportunity to, if you allow yourself
Tenya Eickenberg: to. Problem is, we hold so much
Tenya Eickenberg: judgement about ourselves when looking
Tenya Eickenberg: at other people that it's very hard to figure out who we
Tenya Eickenberg: are if we're not encouraged to do so. Yeah. Because if we're not careful, we
Joanne Lockwood: swap our parental models for
Joanne Lockwood: other figures of authority in education, in our friend
Joanne Lockwood: group, in government, in whatever it may be. And we can
Joanne Lockwood: take this left hand fork and go one way or right hand fork and
Joanne Lockwood: go bad. So we're all one decision, a left,
Joanne Lockwood: right decision away from changing our lives for the better or for the worse.
Tenya Eickenberg: Yeah. Yeah. So with these, with
Tenya Eickenberg: these. When you find these energies in our body, sometimes we have to know the
Tenya Eickenberg: exact location, sometimes we don't. But letting them
Tenya Eickenberg: go frees up that space in your energy,
Tenya Eickenberg: frees up that space in your physical body and allows your body to heal the
Tenya Eickenberg: way that it's meant to. Our bodies are
Tenya Eickenberg: incredibly restorative, but when they're holding onto so much
Tenya Eickenberg: trauma, and if you tell me that
Tenya Eickenberg: you don't have any trauma in your life, you're blinded.
Tenya Eickenberg: Everybody has trauma. Everybody has been
Tenya Eickenberg: affected by it in some way. Whether it is watching your
Tenya Eickenberg: parents go through trauma, being bullied at school
Tenya Eickenberg: or told by a teacher that you're not good enough because you got to see
Tenya Eickenberg: on a paper, or, you know, going through high school
Tenya Eickenberg: and wanting to to date a particular
Tenya Eickenberg: person and that person not giving you the time of day.
Tenya Eickenberg: We all go through traumatic experiences. It's just a matter of whether
Tenya Eickenberg: our conscious mind remembers it or not.
Tenya Eickenberg: But your body is always going to remember. So what's the process that I can
Joanne Lockwood: start to connect these energy dots to
Joanne Lockwood: either traumas, things, emotional baggage,
Joanne Lockwood: stress, anxiety. Because presumably there are different techniques for different parts
Joanne Lockwood: of the body, different situations. You can't just say with one,
Joanne Lockwood: one formula, here's some energy you gotta tune in. Have you
Joanne Lockwood: got to tune it and focus it. Right? So first I would, I would suggest
Tenya Eickenberg: that you learn how to muscle test, because this is the
Tenya Eickenberg: easiest way, at least in my opinion. Cause it's how I. I learned. It's
Tenya Eickenberg: to get in touch with your intuition, to get in touch with your subconscious
Tenya Eickenberg: and start testing it with foods. So to do a sway
Tenya Eickenberg: test, you're just gonna hold the food against your body
Tenya Eickenberg: and you're going to ask either out loud or in your mind, does my
Tenya Eickenberg: body want this? And if you sway forward,
Tenya Eickenberg: typically that's a yes. If you sway backwards, typically it's a no.
Tenya Eickenberg: But your ego is going to get in the way in the beginning. So you
Tenya Eickenberg: have to practise it and you have to be, you have to be consistent.
Tenya Eickenberg: When I started learning muscle testing, I was doing, with the
Tenya Eickenberg: sway test, I was probably doing 20 to 30 tests a day.
Tenya Eickenberg: And then when I wanted to switch to doing muscle testing with my
Tenya Eickenberg: fingers, I went to doing like a hundred questions a day. And
Tenya Eickenberg: it's just based, based off of the sensations in your body.
Tenya Eickenberg: So start with that just very simple test with food. And I will, I will
Tenya Eickenberg: tell you, I guarantee anything that comes out of your cabinet is going
Tenya Eickenberg: to be a no. Because our bodies don't like processed food,
Tenya Eickenberg: so, so do choose processed foods versus
Tenya Eickenberg: fruits and vegetables and kind of gauge it that way. Once you feel like
Tenya Eickenberg: you have that, you're confident in that. And this builds confidence in ourselves
Tenya Eickenberg: as well, because you really get to know what your.
Tenya Eickenberg: What you want as a person, because you start to feel the
Tenya Eickenberg: sensations in your body. You can sit there, close your eyes and ask your body
Tenya Eickenberg: to show me a yes and, and you might get, excuse me,
Tenya Eickenberg: you might get goosebumps, you might yawn, you might
Tenya Eickenberg: have to take a deep breath, you might shiver a little bit, but
Tenya Eickenberg: your body will tell you yes or no. It's just a matter
Tenya Eickenberg: of tuning into. That, some of this moving it from
Joanne Lockwood: unconscious decision making to conscious decision making. So we're trying to
Joanne Lockwood: get our prefrontal cortex Engaged here by saying, I want
Joanne Lockwood: slowing down the thought process and leaning in or leaning away is all
Joanne Lockwood: about being mindful about that decision we're making rather than
Joanne Lockwood: just grabbing, going, yeah, yeah, I'll have that, whatever. And
Joanne Lockwood: then regretting afterwards. Didn't really fancy that. Why did I eat that
Joanne Lockwood: for? So it's having that conversation with yourself before you do something
Joanne Lockwood: rather than living with a regret afterwards. Is that kind of the
Joanne Lockwood: approach? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And you can always go against what your
Tenya Eickenberg: body's at, what your body wants too. I mean, there are times my body
Tenya Eickenberg: does not like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I
Tenya Eickenberg: guarantee every time, every time I ask, does my body
Tenya Eickenberg: want this? I get a no. But my mind still likes the taste of
Tenya Eickenberg: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, so I will still eat them because I'm human
Tenya Eickenberg: and I enjoy them. But once you, once you learn
Tenya Eickenberg: that process of understanding what your body wants, either through
Tenya Eickenberg: muscle testing or through your intuition, then you can start to ask, do
Tenya Eickenberg: I have a trapped emotion of loneliness?
Tenya Eickenberg: And if you sway forward or muscle test with your fingers and it,
Tenya Eickenberg: and it locks strong. So I use, I use the ring to ring method.
Tenya Eickenberg: So when I get a yes, it locks. When I get a no, it releases.
Tenya Eickenberg: So you can do that as well. But when you get that, presumably you. Can
Joanne Lockwood: also evaluate the strength of that resistance as well. So
Joanne Lockwood: I'm a little bit bothered. Oh, I'm a lot bothered. Right, yeah, yeah,
Tenya Eickenberg: yeah. But you can, you can use muscle testing to ask, do I have a
Tenya Eickenberg: trapped emotion of loneliness? And if you get a yes, then you ask,
Tenya Eickenberg: can I let it go? Can I release it? Can I
Tenya Eickenberg: transmute it? Well, whatever words come to your mind and if you get a
Tenya Eickenberg: yes, then you say, okay, I release
Tenya Eickenberg: loneliness. Or if you're practising the emotion code, you can,
Tenya Eickenberg: if it helps, you can sway, you know, rub across your, your
Tenya Eickenberg: governing meridian. You can use a pendulum. Whatever. Whatever
Tenya Eickenberg: works for you is what's going to help you to heal.
Tenya Eickenberg: And that's what I want. So you're trying to link a symbol, some symbolism to
Joanne Lockwood: the event. You can snap. You can snap if you want. I'm letting it go.
Joanne Lockwood: I mean, I often have a mythical piece of paper which I scrunch
Joanne Lockwood: up into a ball and throw it in the bin. I don't need to be
Joanne Lockwood: dealing with that. Goodbye. Yeah, so it's symbolic.
Tenya Eickenberg: Exactly, exactly. Whatever you can, you know, you can take a deep breath
Tenya Eickenberg: and, and blow it out real hard. Whatever, whatever
Tenya Eickenberg: empowers you to let that stuff
Tenya Eickenberg: go. And, and this is What I stress to my clients is that
Tenya Eickenberg: we have the power as human beings to heal
Tenya Eickenberg: ourselves from everything we do. But the
Tenya Eickenberg: question is, how deeply ingrained
Tenya Eickenberg: is. Is whatever it is you're trying to heal,
Tenya Eickenberg: how deep does it go? How long might it take
Tenya Eickenberg: to heal? And is it in your highest and best to
Tenya Eickenberg: heal that? Because you may be trying to heal.
Tenya Eickenberg: Like right now, I'm working on healing my
Tenya Eickenberg: hypothyroidism. I'm working on healing my thyroid through energy
Tenya Eickenberg: work, because I don't. Because when I take the medications, I don't feel.
Tenya Eickenberg: I don't feel better. I don't feel worse. I don't. But I
Tenya Eickenberg: don't feel better. My. My labs are better, but I don't feel
Tenya Eickenberg: better. And so it is in my highest and best
Tenya Eickenberg: to work on my thyroid energetically. But it might not
Tenya Eickenberg: be my highest and best to address,
Tenya Eickenberg: say, my eyesight. It might be that that is just part of
Tenya Eickenberg: the human experience that I'm supposed to travel through
Tenya Eickenberg: by having to use readers or get glasses.
Tenya Eickenberg: And I may not be able to heal my eyesight right there. There is.
Tenya Eickenberg: There are things that we may, as human beings, are
Tenya Eickenberg: supposed to learn from through
Tenya Eickenberg: this human experience. I'm definitely not against medical
Tenya Eickenberg: intervention. I don't want that to come across as that. I don't
Tenya Eickenberg: think that doctors are valuable because I think they are incredibly valuable.
Tenya Eickenberg: Problem is, one doctor does not know your whole body. Yeah. I think you have
Joanne Lockwood: to appreciate there are things that you have within your control
Joanne Lockwood: and there are things you don't have in your control. And
Joanne Lockwood: even when you're going to the doctor and getting medication or
Joanne Lockwood: whatever it may be, you still have to take the medicine. Yes,
Joanne Lockwood: I still have to put my glasses on. I can't expect my eyes to be
Joanne Lockwood: fixed without putting my glasses. So I take some personal responsibility
Joanne Lockwood: to take the tablet every day. If I don't, it doesn't work. Right.
Joanne Lockwood: So, yeah, there's an agreement with myself and the
Joanne Lockwood: person that's helping me to allow that to work. And I have to believe in
Joanne Lockwood: it, because if I don't believe it's going to help, I won't take it. I
Joanne Lockwood: won't do it. I won't get better. Right. And that's the same thing with energy
Tenya Eickenberg: work, you know, to a degree,
Tenya Eickenberg: you have to believe in it. You really do.
Tenya Eickenberg: To a degree, you have to believe that what you're
Tenya Eickenberg: doing is helping you. And that's. That's why.
Tenya Eickenberg: That's why addicts have a hard time sometimes quitting, taking drugs because
Tenya Eickenberg: they truly believe that the cocaine is helping them.
Tenya Eickenberg: Right. Well, it also applies, you know, if you have a strong
Joanne Lockwood: faith, religion or belief, and that helps you and
Joanne Lockwood: it's strong enough so that it manifests itself really to you, then
Joanne Lockwood: why am I going to deny that that works for you? Because that's your
Joanne Lockwood: way of processing your. Call it
Joanne Lockwood: energy, call it whatever it is, the self healing, the self reflection
Joanne Lockwood: is whatever works for you. But you're right, I gave up
Joanne Lockwood: smoking 21 years ago. I gave up alcohol three and a
Joanne Lockwood: half years ago. And I've cut back on eating a lot for the last
Joanne Lockwood: two years. So, yeah, I was a lazy eater. I
Joanne Lockwood: just eat what's ever in front of me. I'm the person who goes to the
Joanne Lockwood: buffet and ends up with a plate that's like a mountain of all the food
Joanne Lockwood: that comes back alcohol. I had no stop button. I was drinking and drinking
Joanne Lockwood: and drinking. And I was the one at the party who was the
Joanne Lockwood: one who didn't want to invite at the end. I was always the embassy.
Joanne Lockwood: And I had to look back at myself and say, who am I? Who do
Joanne Lockwood: I want to be? Because if I just carry on not
Joanne Lockwood: engaging in my life and just letting it run itself, I don't
Joanne Lockwood: like it. I don't like that person. It's not me. I'm seeing a facsimile of
Joanne Lockwood: me, not me. I had to take a decision. Stop smoking, stop drinking, and
Joanne Lockwood: think about my calorie intake. Because if I don't
Joanne Lockwood: do it, no one's going to fix it for me. Right? Right. Yeah. And to
Tenya Eickenberg: your point, you have to do what's right for you. Right.
Tenya Eickenberg: If I break my leg, I'm going to the doctor. I'm not going to try
Tenya Eickenberg: to heal it through energy work. I might write, use energy work to help
Tenya Eickenberg: reduce the pain and maybe speed up the healing process.
Tenya Eickenberg: But I'm still going to go to the doctor. Right. Because that's, that's,
Tenya Eickenberg: that's a bone break. That. But there are some things like I don't feel
Tenya Eickenberg: like I need to take medications for my cholesterol
Tenya Eickenberg: that I can fix through energy work and through diet and through exercise
Tenya Eickenberg: and, and healing is not just one faceted like you were saying.
Tenya Eickenberg: You have to, you know, you are focusing on your
Tenya Eickenberg: physical health, right? The, the quitting smoking, the quitting drinking, the eating
Tenya Eickenberg: better. That's gonna be your physical health. But you also have your mental health,
Tenya Eickenberg: your emotional health, your spiritual health. You have these five pillars
Tenya Eickenberg: that you need to address to become
Tenya Eickenberg: the healthiest version of you, that you can become, you can't just
Tenya Eickenberg: focus on one. And that's one thing I learned through
Tenya Eickenberg: this process when I got in, when I found energy healing,
Tenya Eickenberg: that that wasn't enough because I had. It took me about
Tenya Eickenberg: four months to, to heal my anxiety and depression
Tenya Eickenberg: about 80%. But I wasn't doing, I wasn't taking
Tenya Eickenberg: care of myself on those other levels. I
Tenya Eickenberg: wasn't setting boundaries. I was still a people pleaser.
Tenya Eickenberg: I wasn't trying to eat as healthy as I could.
Tenya Eickenberg: I wasn't, I was still smoking when I started
Tenya Eickenberg: on this healing journey. I, I only just quit smoking last
Tenya Eickenberg: July for good. Okay, well done, well done, well done. So,
Tenya Eickenberg: so I smoked for about five years after I started smoking again. Um,
Tenya Eickenberg: I just recently quit alcohol. I think December was the last time
Tenya Eickenberg: I had an alcoholic drink. So it's a process. We're not
Tenya Eickenberg: going to do it all at once. And, and you do have to want to,
Tenya Eickenberg: don't you? And you do. You people can tell you all the. Time, you need
Joanne Lockwood: to stop smoking, stop drinking. The government tell you there's labels on
Joanne Lockwood: cigarette packets, labels on alcohol saying, it's going to kill you. Yeah,
Joanne Lockwood: yeah, and yeah, kill me tomorrow, maybe not today.
Joanne Lockwood: We don't believe. We're not going to. We're not going to change because someone tells
Joanne Lockwood: us to. We've got to find that, that why their own. Why,
Joanne Lockwood: why do I want to stop fall? Yeah. Yeah. And all you can do is
Tenya Eickenberg: when, when somebody says that I'm ready, I'm ready to
Tenya Eickenberg: heal, then they will. You
Tenya Eickenberg: can support them, support them in their journey. And if they
Tenya Eickenberg: slip up, don't mention it. Like,
Tenya Eickenberg: why is it any business of ours to ask somebody?
Joanne Lockwood: They'll start bringing shame, start bringing pressure. Just,
Tenya Eickenberg: just support them wherever they are. If they tell you that
Tenya Eickenberg: they're going to quit smoking, great. Six months goes by
Tenya Eickenberg: and they haven't quit smoking. It's none of your business why they're still smoking. It's
Tenya Eickenberg: your journey. It's your, you do
Tenya Eickenberg: the best that you can do and you do, you don't, don't let
Tenya Eickenberg: anybody influence you. And, and, and
Tenya Eickenberg: I'm at fault for that. Sometimes I'll have conversations with my husband
Tenya Eickenberg: because he'll mention his back hurts or he's feeling fat or
Tenya Eickenberg: he's gained weight. And I have, I am,
Tenya Eickenberg: I am a Libra. I am a caregiver.
Tenya Eickenberg: And I am a person who loves to give
Tenya Eickenberg: unsolicited advice. That is, that is one of my toxic traits is giving
Tenya Eickenberg: unsolicited advice but it comes from. It comes from a place of love and
Tenya Eickenberg: caring and wanting to help. Hey, but on the flip side of that, you now
Joanne Lockwood: get paid to give solicitor advice, so you should balance it out, can't you? Yeah,
Tenya Eickenberg: yeah, but. But I have. Have on occasion
Tenya Eickenberg: asked my husband, what are you gonna do about it? And I've had to stop
Tenya Eickenberg: myself. As soon as that enters, as soon as that comes out of my mouth,
Tenya Eickenberg: I turn right back around and go, I am so sorry. It is not.
Tenya Eickenberg: It is not up to me to ask you those questions. Oh, but create space,
Joanne Lockwood: it does, so that you can ask yourself that question. Right, right.
Tenya Eickenberg: Because. Because they are. Everybody is a reflection of us and what
Tenya Eickenberg: we want to help other people with is often something that we need help with.
Joanne Lockwood: My wife, Marie and I, we've noticed over the last
Joanne Lockwood: 18 to 24 months, since we've been very conscious about our food intake,
Joanne Lockwood: trying to lose weight, that our. Our daughter
Joanne Lockwood: and our son and our son's girlfriend and sex sent my mum,
Joanne Lockwood: have all started embarking on a healthier
Joanne Lockwood: or conscious mindset about what they're eating and also maybe drinking as
Joanne Lockwood: well. And we haven't had to fat shame or
Joanne Lockwood: point out the fat. They've got a few pounds because we were in that
Joanne Lockwood: position. But I think they can now see a positive example
Joanne Lockwood: of two people who have taken a choice, embarked on it, and
Joanne Lockwood: they can visibly see the change in us and the progress we've made.
Joanne Lockwood: So we haven't got to do anything other than be the best people we could
Joanne Lockwood: be, exemplify good practise and let them
Joanne Lockwood: absorb it. But whilst we had a gluttony problem, we were
Joanne Lockwood: creating the environment in the family where it was okay to be gluttonous. And I
Joanne Lockwood: think by saying, actually, we're not advocating for that anymore, it
Joanne Lockwood: rubs off and people go, that's great. You give me permission to do it to
Joanne Lockwood: themselves. So I think you could become infectious in your.
Tenya Eickenberg: Right. You're better behaved as well, can't you? Right. Because then your. Your outer world
Tenya Eickenberg: starts to look like your inner world. So you focus on you. You know, we
Tenya Eickenberg: are. Our first job. We are. It's the old saying, isn't it? Put your own
Joanne Lockwood: oxygen mask on first before helping others. Yeah, it is. We're our first job.
Tenya Eickenberg: Take care of you first so that you can be there for others. But
Joanne Lockwood: is that maybe the mistake you were falling into
Joanne Lockwood: was trying to be the mom to everybody and
Joanne Lockwood: fixing everybody else and letting yourself. Yep, absolutely.
Tenya Eickenberg: Absolutely. It wasn't until. Until I realised that I really
Tenya Eickenberg: needed to look at myself and, and figure out how can
Tenya Eickenberg: I create a space where I am happy
Tenya Eickenberg: with what I have. And that's when energy healing came into my
Tenya Eickenberg: life. That's when self care really started to show
Tenya Eickenberg: up that it was something that was needed. And you know, my
Tenya Eickenberg: self care was relearning how to be,
Tenya Eickenberg: how to be a emotionally intelligent
Tenya Eickenberg: and healthy minded person. It
Tenya Eickenberg: wasn't, it wasn't about going for weekly massages or getting my
Tenya Eickenberg: nails done or even showering. It
Tenya Eickenberg: wasn't even about that. It was more about
Tenya Eickenberg: allowing myself to worry sometimes
Tenya Eickenberg: or to be sad or to be mad. It was about learning how
Tenya Eickenberg: to set boundaries with people who continued to cross them.
Tenya Eickenberg: And I didn't even realise they were crossing boundaries that my subconscious
Tenya Eickenberg: had made until I started to really question
Tenya Eickenberg: what are my boundaries. Yeah, I suppose unless we plot out
Joanne Lockwood: where, where are those things are, what then
Joanne Lockwood: we can just become uncomfortable when someone
Joanne Lockwood: transgresses them without realising it. Yeah, yeah.
Tenya Eickenberg: When, if somebody makes you frustrated
Tenya Eickenberg: and resentful, they're doing something that is pushing your
Tenya Eickenberg: buttons, they're crossing your boundaries and that's a good time
Tenya Eickenberg: for you to stop and go, what is it that they're actually, what are
Tenya Eickenberg: they doing? What, what boundary are they crossing for?
Tenya Eickenberg: A boundary that I set with my mom was, I had to send her,
Tenya Eickenberg: I sent her an email and told her that I was not going to respond
Tenya Eickenberg: to any emails, texts or phone calls where I was
Tenya Eickenberg: feeling manipulated, bullied or belittled because she would send
Tenya Eickenberg: emails in bright red capital letters like she
Tenya Eickenberg: was yelling at me. And I told her that if she did that I wasn't
Tenya Eickenberg: going to respond to anything in the email. She stopped emailing me, I guess, you
Tenya Eickenberg: know, for what reason. But she
Tenya Eickenberg: did not cross my boundaries, which was amazing. So
Tenya Eickenberg: people will not cross your boundaries if you set them, but if you do set
Tenya Eickenberg: them, make sure you have a consequence and uphold that consequence.
Joanne Lockwood: You say in the show notes that you said through about this
Joanne Lockwood: light bulb moment where people realise they have the power to heal
Joanne Lockwood: themselves. Surely there's a light bulb before that which
Joanne Lockwood: is recognising that you need to heal
Joanne Lockwood: or you need. That's the first step. Yeah, the first step. So
Joanne Lockwood: people listening to this right now, our listener out there,
Joanne Lockwood: how can they maybe self identify about this
Joanne Lockwood: need to heal before we talk about how we get that? I have the power
Joanne Lockwood: to do it. So if you are feeling
Tenya Eickenberg: frustrated with life, you're feeling
Tenya Eickenberg: like life is always happening to you.
Tenya Eickenberg: You're always, you know, you're you're, you're running into the wall,
Tenya Eickenberg: right? Every time you try to do something, this wall gets put up. That is
Tenya Eickenberg: when you realise that there are things in you that probably need
Tenya Eickenberg: to be healed. And like I said, you may have had a
Tenya Eickenberg: wonderful childhood and you may be, you know, I don't know,
Tenya Eickenberg: 40 years old and in a very happy marriage
Tenya Eickenberg: and just think that life, life was actually really grand. But you keep hitting
Tenya Eickenberg: walls every time you try to move forward to
Tenya Eickenberg: do something. There's probably things in there that need to be healed that
Tenya Eickenberg: you don't remember. And again, that's where energy healing
Tenya Eickenberg: comes in and is so helpful because you don't have to remember,
Tenya Eickenberg: you don't have to relive what you've gone through.
Tenya Eickenberg: But if, yeah, if you're feeling frustrated with life, relationships aren't
Tenya Eickenberg: going well. You know, just
Tenya Eickenberg: sit back and just, just, just think, is there something in me
Tenya Eickenberg: that I need to address on a deeper level?
Tenya Eickenberg: And your conscious mind will say, no there's not. Your ego will say,
Tenya Eickenberg: no there's not. But if you are human,
Tenya Eickenberg: there's something to, there's something to heal if you're
Tenya Eickenberg: feeling frustrated with life. So obviously reaching out to you is a good option for
Joanne Lockwood: the next stage. But how can we maybe think about our
Joanne Lockwood: own first aid, our own triage to help us on
Joanne Lockwood: this journey from realisation to taking,
Joanne Lockwood: taking our own power. What can we do there? Start with self care.
Tenya Eickenberg: Start with really looking at how are you taking care of yourself?
Tenya Eickenberg: Where on those five pillars are you
Tenya Eickenberg: not taking care of yourself? And pick one. Start
Tenya Eickenberg: with honestly I would start with emotional. Emotional or mental is
Tenya Eickenberg: where I would start because those are gonna help you move forward
Tenya Eickenberg: in that physical, spiritual or energetic, those
Tenya Eickenberg: energetic pillars. But start with one of those and
Tenya Eickenberg: figure out what self care you need to help with those pillars
Tenya Eickenberg: and start there. I would love to say start by
Tenya Eickenberg: calling me, but my, my goal as a, as a coach
Tenya Eickenberg: is to empower you to know that you can heal yourself.
Tenya Eickenberg: I'm just a guide. I, I can help you to release some of those
Tenya Eickenberg: energetic blocks. I had energetic blocks to self
Tenya Eickenberg: care and so I had to work on myself
Tenya Eickenberg: energetically before I could do the self care work.
Tenya Eickenberg: But there are a lot of people who can do the self care work with
Tenya Eickenberg: little, with some ease and then you become
Tenya Eickenberg: consistent with it and then you can add in all the other stuff. So
Tenya Eickenberg: start with the self care. Start by putting you first
Tenya Eickenberg: so that you can take care of others. And I will tell you, I will
Tenya Eickenberg: be blunt if that means you have to get up an hour earlier
Tenya Eickenberg: and go to bed an hour earlier, then that's what you do. I
Tenya Eickenberg: love it when people tell me they don't have time for self care. Because I
Tenya Eickenberg: will find you the time. Yeah, it's the old adage, isn't it? You've always got
Joanne Lockwood: time for things you want to do. You never have time for the medicine,
Joanne Lockwood: you never have time for the pain. So if it's important
Joanne Lockwood: to you, you've realised the light bulbs come on. The first bulb, I
Joanne Lockwood: need to do something. Second light bulb fires. I have the power to do it
Joanne Lockwood: myself. And that is I have to take personal responsibility. Because no one's gonna do
Joanne Lockwood: it for me. Nope. No. No. And until it's
Joanne Lockwood: a priority, it will never happen. Yep. And I call myself out all the time.
Tenya Eickenberg: I don't hold myself accountable for a lot
Tenya Eickenberg: of things. I'm still growing, I'm still learning,
Tenya Eickenberg: I'm still healing. We shouldn't beat ourselves up. No. We should just recognise what's going
Joanne Lockwood: on. Say, well, I made that choice today. Yep. If I don't want to
Joanne Lockwood: make that choice tomorrow, that's within me. I can make a different choice tomorrow. But
Joanne Lockwood: I made that choice today. As you said earlier. Am I leaning into that or
Joanne Lockwood: am I leaning out from it? How am I feeling if I've lent into it?
Joanne Lockwood: I can't beat myself up because it felt right. Exactly.
Tenya Eickenberg: Exactly. And the day you have that light bulb, it
Joanne Lockwood: goes, actually, that's not me. Tomorrow, then you lean in.
Joanne Lockwood: And tomorrow is different. Yep. Yep. And just, just take
Tenya Eickenberg: each day as it's the first day.
Tenya Eickenberg: Really, don't worry about tomorrow. Cause that's where
Tenya Eickenberg: anxiety comes from. And don't worry about what you did yesterday because you can't
Tenya Eickenberg: change the past. I've not been drinking alcohol for about 1200
Joanne Lockwood: days today. Each day. I don't drink alcohol.
Joanne Lockwood: I have the choice tomorrow. I can. I can have the choice today if I
Joanne Lockwood: want, but I've chosen today. I'm not going to. And I keep
Joanne Lockwood: making that choice. I'm not denying myself. I've just made that choice every day.
Joanne Lockwood: And I actually make that affirmation with myself every morning when I wake
Joanne Lockwood: up. No, I don't say, at the end of the day, have I drunk.
Joanne Lockwood: I start the day by, I'm not gonna have a drink today. Right? Yeah. And
Joanne Lockwood: you're gonna make that choice every day. I'm gonna be doing this today, not what
Joanne Lockwood: did I do? Because it's too late to correct. So I made that positive start.
Tenya Eickenberg: Yep, absolutely. You know, it's been absolutely
Joanne Lockwood: a wonderful conversation. It's been mind expanding. How can people get hold of you?
Joanne Lockwood: So our fabulous listener, who's got a way to the end, how can they get
Joanne Lockwood: ahold of you? You can go to my website, designyourexistence.com
Tenya Eickenberg: you can also find me on Facebook and Instagram, designyourexistence
Tenya Eickenberg: and on all of your podcast platforms. I have
Tenya Eickenberg: my own podcast, the Metamorphosis Project. Fascinating. Fascinating. I'm gonna have to tune
Joanne Lockwood: into that. I'll put all the details in the show notes so we can find
Joanne Lockwood: those. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.
Tenya Eickenberg: I've loved this conversation. As we
Joanne Lockwood: bring this conversation to a close, I want to express my
Joanne Lockwood: deepest gratitude to you, our listener, for lending your
Joanne Lockwood: ear and heart to the cause of inclusion.
Joanne Lockwood: Today's discussion struck a chord. Consider subscribing to
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Joanne Lockwood: and let's make your voice heard. Until next time, this
Joanne Lockwood: is Joanne Lockwood signing off with a promise to return
Joanne Lockwood: with more enriching narratives that challenge, inspire and
Joanne Lockwood: unite us all. Here's to fostering a more inclusive world one
Joanne Lockwood: episode at a time. Catch you on the next bite.