WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:00.560 Foreign. 2 00:00:07.360 --> 00:00:11.320 Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuary 3 00:00:11.320 --> 00:00:15.200 for bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood, 4 00:00:15.200 --> 00:00:18.720 your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart of 5 00:00:18.720 --> 00:00:22.640 inclusion, belonging and societal transformation. 6 00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:27.040 Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a world? Remember, everyone 7 00:00:27.040 --> 00:00:30.760 not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone. 8 00:00:31.320 --> 00:00:35.200 Join me as we uncover the unseen, challenge 9 00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:38.760 the status quo and share stories that resonate 10 00:00:38.760 --> 00:00:42.480 deep within. Ready to dive in? Whether you're 11 00:00:42.480 --> 00:00:46.400 sipping your morning coffee or winding down after a long day, let's 12 00:00:46.400 --> 00:00:50.360 connect, reflect and inspire action together. 13 00:00:51.080 --> 00:00:54.870 Don't forget, you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out 14 00:00:54.870 --> 00:00:58.670 to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk 15 00:00:59.070 --> 00:01:02.590 to share your insights or to join me on the show. 16 00:01:03.470 --> 00:01:07.230 So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to 17 00:01:07.230 --> 00:01:10.830 ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites. 18 00:01:15.230 --> 00:01:18.820 And today is episode 184 with the 19 00:01:18.820 --> 00:01:22.220 title Emotional Agility in Action. 20 00:01:22.780 --> 00:01:26.140 And I have the absolute honour and privilege to welcome JD Walter. 21 00:01:26.700 --> 00:01:30.460 JD is a learning and development expert, helping organisations achieve 22 00:01:30.460 --> 00:01:34.140 peak performance by investing in people as humans, 23 00:01:34.540 --> 00:01:37.940 not just assets. When I asked JD to describe his 24 00:01:37.940 --> 00:01:41.580 superpower, he sees his ability to reframe 25 00:01:41.980 --> 00:01:45.840 emotional intelligence and resilience as tools for collective 26 00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:49.840 empowerment. Hello, jd. Welcome to the show. Thanks, 27 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:52.240 Joanne. It's absolutely a pleasure to be here. 28 00:01:54.160 --> 00:01:58.040 I look forward to our conversation today. Yeah. You're 29 00:01:58.040 --> 00:02:01.840 based in the us, I believe. Yes, I am in 30 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:06.080 the Sunshine State of Florida, so I'm about as close to the 31 00:02:06.080 --> 00:02:09.760 Caribbean as you can get without actually being Caribbean. 32 00:02:10.160 --> 00:02:14.110 So southwest Florida, outside of Naples, and it is sunny. 33 00:02:14.110 --> 00:02:17.710 And is that near the Gulf of America? 34 00:02:18.750 --> 00:02:20.990 Well, I still call it the Gulf of Mexico, but yes. 35 00:02:22.510 --> 00:02:26.510 Yeah, yeah, the. The Gulf. The Gulf. Anyway, the Gulf. It's been the Gulf 36 00:02:26.590 --> 00:02:29.950 Mexico since I was a kid. It's going to stay that way as far as 37 00:02:29.950 --> 00:02:33.550 I'm concerned. Yeah, yeah. So 38 00:02:34.030 --> 00:02:35.390 we had the unfortunate 39 00:02:38.080 --> 00:02:41.080 event that the Pope died last week, a week before, wasn't it? And his funeral 40 00:02:41.080 --> 00:02:44.960 was on Saturday. Is that a big thing in America, watching that? 41 00:02:45.440 --> 00:02:49.120 I'll be honest, I don't know. I mean. Oh, it's in the news. 42 00:02:49.920 --> 00:02:53.920 I actually, you know, I don't really. I try and stay out of 43 00:02:53.920 --> 00:02:57.760 the news as much as possible. I try not to kind of fall in line 44 00:02:57.760 --> 00:03:01.680 with what everybody's talking about. Wow. 45 00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:05.640 Yeah, fair play. I completely relate to that. There's a lot going 46 00:03:05.640 --> 00:03:09.400 on in the news, but probably a good segue on to talking about the 47 00:03:09.400 --> 00:03:12.400 topic of today, about this resilience. Emotional. Emotional intelligence. 48 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:17.440 What got you into this? Where where did it all start? So 49 00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:21.440 I think so my background, so education wise experience. 50 00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:26.080 I am a former member of the US Navy 51 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:31.280 and I really was, I was more of a 52 00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:34.420 strategist early on. Um, 53 00:03:34.980 --> 00:03:38.820 I had more of an interest 54 00:03:38.900 --> 00:03:42.740 in how organisations are structured, how work is 55 00:03:42.740 --> 00:03:45.940 organised, processes. So I was very, very 56 00:03:48.660 --> 00:03:52.420 style organisation and I think that experience 57 00:03:52.740 --> 00:03:56.660 and that focus, while very beneficial for my career 58 00:03:57.380 --> 00:04:01.310 at some point couldn't resolve what I was sort 59 00:04:01.310 --> 00:04:04.910 of dealing with in an organisation. So I had a couple of instances where 60 00:04:05.230 --> 00:04:08.710 I was running programmes, had a large group of 61 00:04:08.710 --> 00:04:12.510 individuals working for me and I wasn't 62 00:04:13.070 --> 00:04:16.909 at the time prepared to kind of see the human 63 00:04:16.909 --> 00:04:20.350 dynamic clearly. I was 64 00:04:20.510 --> 00:04:24.390 so into the, well, I can fix this by restructuring, 65 00:04:24.390 --> 00:04:28.090 I can fix this by changing the process. We can, we can 66 00:04:28.090 --> 00:04:31.850 reallocate work, you know, we can organise in a way, 67 00:04:33.130 --> 00:04:36.810 but those things, at some point they break down and they don't actually solve 68 00:04:36.970 --> 00:04:40.650 what is ultimately happening inside of an organisation. And that is people 69 00:04:41.450 --> 00:04:43.530 being people, right? Like. And so 70 00:04:45.370 --> 00:04:49.130 I had a very specific situation where I was 71 00:04:49.130 --> 00:04:52.490 running a large scale human resource 72 00:04:53.370 --> 00:04:57.290 service centre out of 20 people 73 00:04:57.610 --> 00:05:00.970 and it was rough with conflict. I was, 74 00:05:01.610 --> 00:05:04.970 I lost about 50% of our staff in six months. 75 00:05:06.250 --> 00:05:10.090 And there was just so much conflict in HR, you know, 76 00:05:10.090 --> 00:05:14.010 complaints, et cetera, et cetera. And I looking in at 77 00:05:14.010 --> 00:05:17.930 this organisation and I'm thinking that's why, 78 00:05:18.250 --> 00:05:22.250 how do I, how do I even attempt to fix what's happening here? Because it 79 00:05:22.250 --> 00:05:26.180 was so much, it was so personal to 80 00:05:26.180 --> 00:05:30.060 so many people and the conflict was so heavy and I, and I 81 00:05:30.060 --> 00:05:33.780 brought in several external folks to say, hey, 82 00:05:33.780 --> 00:05:37.780 observe this and tell me what you think. And they kept coming 83 00:05:37.780 --> 00:05:41.580 back and saying, well, you need to fire your manager, get rid of your. 84 00:05:41.580 --> 00:05:44.060 And, and I can't. And I couldn't 85 00:05:44.060 --> 00:05:47.700 resolve like in silent, my head. 86 00:05:47.780 --> 00:05:51.530 I like just getting rid of a couple of managers doesn't 87 00:05:51.530 --> 00:05:55.250 change what's ultimately happening. That's too superficial. 88 00:05:55.250 --> 00:05:59.010 That's like, that's when you fire the coach from your sports 89 00:05:59.010 --> 00:06:03.010 team, right, because you're not performing well. It's not the coach that's out there 90 00:06:03.010 --> 00:06:06.810 on the field, it's the players. So that's who you should be looking 91 00:06:06.810 --> 00:06:10.610 at. And so anyway, I, I decided that I was 92 00:06:10.610 --> 00:06:14.610 not going to accept everybody else's perspective that it 93 00:06:14.610 --> 00:06:18.130 was a management problem and I'm going to dig and I was going to find 94 00:06:18.130 --> 00:06:22.090 something more fundamental. And so, so what I ultimately did was I went 95 00:06:22.090 --> 00:06:25.330 back and I sort of reconstructed the whole project 96 00:06:26.050 --> 00:06:29.570 from the time we set up the contract. We bid on the work 97 00:06:29.890 --> 00:06:33.330 and the contract. And then we started to set it up and I realised two 98 00:06:33.330 --> 00:06:37.250 things very quickly. One, that we hired a bunch of really 99 00:06:37.250 --> 00:06:40.930 great subject matter experts and we told them what their job was going to be. 100 00:06:41.250 --> 00:06:45.250 But on day one, we asked them to do something different, something not just different, 101 00:06:45.250 --> 00:06:49.090 but something they've never done before. So we hired all of 102 00:06:49.090 --> 00:06:52.330 these HR professionals who were used to 103 00:06:52.890 --> 00:06:56.450 performing transactions, processing work, benefits, 104 00:06:56.450 --> 00:07:00.290 payroll, promotions, those sorts of things. And 105 00:07:00.290 --> 00:07:04.210 on day what we asked them to do were to build standard operating procedures 106 00:07:04.210 --> 00:07:07.970 and processes. And they had never done that. Those things 107 00:07:07.970 --> 00:07:11.610 had always been given to them. So that was 108 00:07:11.610 --> 00:07:15.590 hurdle number one. We, we said, hey, come have this job and here's what 109 00:07:15.590 --> 00:07:18.990 you're going to do. And then on day one, we, you know, we pulled the 110 00:07:18.990 --> 00:07:21.270 rug out from underneath him and he said, oh, but you have to do this 111 00:07:21.270 --> 00:07:24.830 first. So that was the beginning of the vibration. 112 00:07:25.150 --> 00:07:28.990 And then secondarily we had to implement some technology, 113 00:07:29.470 --> 00:07:33.230 a ticketing system. None of them had ever worked in a 114 00:07:33.230 --> 00:07:36.710 ticketing system before. And now they were not only being 115 00:07:36.710 --> 00:07:38.030 burdened with having to 116 00:07:40.760 --> 00:07:44.680 learn a system, we were trying to design it as we go and it was 117 00:07:44.680 --> 00:07:45.800 not a very good. 118 00:07:48.600 --> 00:07:52.360 Our partners. And so we weren't able to build 119 00:07:53.080 --> 00:07:55.720 the technology. So that was sort of hurdle too. 120 00:07:57.240 --> 00:08:01.240 So you take that and I, and I re. What I realised, I was like, 121 00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:04.960 okay, now we've done, we put everybody offensive. They're all afraid 122 00:08:04.960 --> 00:08:08.800 if do well they're going to get fired. This job, you know, and you 123 00:08:08.800 --> 00:08:12.780 just extrapolate out the fear. And of course it makes sense to 124 00:08:12.780 --> 00:08:15.980 now that everybody's fighting and there's lots of complaints. And it's because 125 00:08:15.980 --> 00:08:19.980 everybody's in this heightened state of awareness. And it was in 126 00:08:19.980 --> 00:08:23.380 this moment that I really, you know, to get to your. The light bulb went 127 00:08:23.380 --> 00:08:26.820 off and I was like, man, I have got to learn to address 128 00:08:27.700 --> 00:08:31.460 organisations differently. And so my wife was doing 129 00:08:31.460 --> 00:08:35.420 some doctoral work at the time. She was researching emotional intelligence. She 130 00:08:35.420 --> 00:08:39.360 was throwing a lot of stuff at me to read. I did a bunch 131 00:08:39.360 --> 00:08:42.040 of, you know, kind of research on my own, read a bunch of books, did 132 00:08:42.040 --> 00:08:45.920 a bunch of, you know, academic journals and, and finally came to 133 00:08:45.920 --> 00:08:49.720 this place where I was like, you know what? We, I need to completely rethink 134 00:08:49.720 --> 00:08:53.280 how I approach organisations. And so that, 135 00:08:54.880 --> 00:08:58.480 that was the switch where I said, okay, I'm, 136 00:08:58.800 --> 00:09:02.800 I'm a human agent at this point, right? Everything that I do 137 00:09:02.800 --> 00:09:06.540 for custom, all about the lived experience of the employees, 138 00:09:08.380 --> 00:09:11.340 you know, it just, it ancillarily, you know, 139 00:09:11.340 --> 00:09:15.020 organisations Are abstractions. They exist on paper, 140 00:09:15.180 --> 00:09:19.060 may have buildings. But what makes an organisation is 141 00:09:19.060 --> 00:09:22.540 the collective of individuals that have come together to do something 142 00:09:23.420 --> 00:09:27.100 under that umbrella. So. So at this point, 143 00:09:27.260 --> 00:09:31.120 once I started to understand emotional intelligence and 144 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:34.600 I really started to understand the relationship between human psychology, 145 00:09:37.560 --> 00:09:41.480 it really just kind of changed perspective and 146 00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:45.560 experience in conflict zones. And I was 147 00:09:45.560 --> 00:09:49.480 interested in the idea of 148 00:09:49.640 --> 00:09:52.520 resistance, right? Resistance to collaboration, 149 00:09:53.560 --> 00:09:57.360 you know, why, you know, we're so easily avoidable, et cetera, et cetera. 150 00:09:57.760 --> 00:10:01.680 Now thinking about resilience as this ability to manage 151 00:10:01.680 --> 00:10:05.560 stress, overcome kind of wear and tear of, you 152 00:10:05.560 --> 00:10:09.480 know, tension over time. And it really started 153 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:13.320 like I said, you know, you know, this is the key 154 00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:17.200 here. If we want to. If we want to strengthen ourselves, if 155 00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:21.960 we armed to avoid being 156 00:10:21.960 --> 00:10:25.140 drawn into where is going on in our 157 00:10:26.260 --> 00:10:30.100 environment. So our environment want to choose, want to be 158 00:10:30.100 --> 00:10:33.620 rational, we want to respond in an appropriate way. 159 00:10:34.500 --> 00:10:38.380 And resilience for me is really what that's all about. And so I 160 00:10:38.380 --> 00:10:40.100 use resilience as anonymous. 161 00:10:42.180 --> 00:10:46.140 We can talk more if you want about, you know, all those aspects. Yeah, 162 00:10:46.140 --> 00:10:49.820 I'm keen to find out a bit more about the team dynamic you 163 00:10:49.820 --> 00:10:53.670 observed in your. And the epiphany time when you 164 00:10:53.670 --> 00:10:57.630 did that. Because people, as you say, people blame the manager. 165 00:10:58.750 --> 00:11:02.550 Sometimes it's appropriate. But often I find managers 166 00:11:02.550 --> 00:11:06.550 haven't been trained to be managers. They're promoted from 167 00:11:06.550 --> 00:11:10.550 the ranks without any tools, without any success and 168 00:11:10.550 --> 00:11:14.390 then something expect them for being a great engineer to being a people person and 169 00:11:14.390 --> 00:11:18.240 a people leader is often unfair. But 170 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:22.160 we hopefully we can train people and I think emotional intelligence 171 00:11:22.160 --> 00:11:25.840 is something that personally, in my own experience is once you become 172 00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:29.680 aware that it's a thing and you start to 173 00:11:29.680 --> 00:11:33.600 focus on it, it becomes something you can develop skills in. Is that 174 00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:36.440 right? Yeah, absolutely. So I think, 175 00:11:38.520 --> 00:11:39.400 you know, there is. 176 00:11:43.890 --> 00:11:47.890 So example, right? I'm a great. I made a 177 00:11:47.890 --> 00:11:51.890 manager. There's a development, right. Management is a very specific skill set 178 00:11:52.690 --> 00:11:55.650 and we haven't trained to it. And we go, oh, 179 00:11:56.530 --> 00:12:00.050 well, okay, what is that? 180 00:12:00.290 --> 00:12:04.050 Right. It's to 181 00:12:04.050 --> 00:12:07.930 developing managers tends to be this very superficial effort. Oh, we'll be more 182 00:12:07.930 --> 00:12:11.770 empathetic. I'll be a better leader. Okay. Again, I don't know what these things 183 00:12:11.770 --> 00:12:15.450 are, right, as concepts. Now you can spell them out and you can put a 184 00:12:15.450 --> 00:12:18.970 little post around the wall. But it 185 00:12:18.970 --> 00:12:22.770 doesn't tell me as an individual how to behave. 186 00:12:22.770 --> 00:12:26.650 How do I inform my behaviours based on that? What does empathy look 187 00:12:26.650 --> 00:12:30.010 like as a behaviour? How does empathy show up authentically? 188 00:12:30.410 --> 00:12:34.290 And. And that connection is so it like 189 00:12:34.290 --> 00:12:37.940 a superficial was a 190 00:12:37.940 --> 00:12:41.900 destruction image than if I just would have said, yeah, I don't really 191 00:12:41.900 --> 00:12:45.820 care about your personal life, get back, right. Like it's almost like we can 192 00:12:45.820 --> 00:12:49.420 deal with that better than this sort of fake 193 00:12:50.540 --> 00:12:54.180 caring. And so, so what I think, when I think about 194 00:12:54.180 --> 00:12:57.740 emotional intelligence, what I think is about this capacity to be 195 00:12:57.740 --> 00:13:01.460 authentic, but it requires us to vulnerable, right? So 196 00:13:01.460 --> 00:13:05.060 vulnerability. And I always like to mention 197 00:13:05.060 --> 00:13:08.860 Patrick Lencioni. He's five 198 00:13:09.980 --> 00:13:13.860 behaviour to the team. He lays vulnerability based on 199 00:13:13.860 --> 00:13:17.740 building results oriented team. For me, I 200 00:13:17.740 --> 00:13:21.700 act resilience or emotional intelligence as the founder. Because if we 201 00:13:21.700 --> 00:13:25.260 don't have the capacity to withstand 202 00:13:25.500 --> 00:13:29.380 scrutiny, tension, stress in the environment, we 203 00:13:29.380 --> 00:13:33.360 can't actually be vulnerable. Vulnerable is we're actually starting to be authentic. 204 00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:36.600 And when we're authentic now, we're building trusted relationships. 205 00:13:37.080 --> 00:13:40.760 Patrick says that if you don't get a chance to weigh in, 206 00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:44.360 you can't possibly buy in. And he's talking about productive 207 00:13:44.360 --> 00:13:48.200 conflict. We all run away from conflict. But the 208 00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:51.720 argument is important because that's how we get to innovation, 209 00:13:51.960 --> 00:13:55.320 right? That's how we evolve our organisation, 210 00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:59.270 you know, into the future. So the ability to 211 00:13:59.830 --> 00:14:03.830 authentically connect with people is incredibly important. 212 00:14:03.910 --> 00:14:07.830 And it doesn't have to be the authenticity is more important 213 00:14:08.230 --> 00:14:09.990 than sort of the 10, 214 00:14:13.670 --> 00:14:17.630 let's say in their environment, people are keeping on as they're 215 00:14:17.630 --> 00:14:21.510 looking for that they're looking talk engagement all the 216 00:14:21.510 --> 00:14:25.030 time. What is it that's an emotional connection to this thing that I'm doing. 217 00:14:27.080 --> 00:14:30.680 And, and we have programmes like oh hey, we have fundraisers. That's 218 00:14:30.680 --> 00:14:34.520 rise. The engagement. Engagement isn't about whether I like the 219 00:14:34.520 --> 00:14:37.800 organisation, whether I like the people I work with. It's about 220 00:14:38.440 --> 00:14:42.280 can I emotionally connect with this work that I'm doing with 221 00:14:42.280 --> 00:14:45.000 the mission, you know, the thing that I do, the task that I do on 222 00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:48.640 a daily basis. If so, then 223 00:14:48.640 --> 00:14:51.570 I'm going to be 224 00:14:52.450 --> 00:14:56.410 too productive as possible. But what stops the noise around me, all 225 00:14:56.410 --> 00:15:00.370 the drama around me, all the change that's constantly happening. So if I'm 226 00:15:00.370 --> 00:15:03.730 constantly reacting to all of these things happening in my 227 00:15:03.730 --> 00:15:07.490 operating environment, I'm never actually able to get to 228 00:15:07.570 --> 00:15:11.090 being a peak performer. So again, 229 00:15:11.810 --> 00:15:15.770 it's the resilience that comes from, you know, well developed 230 00:15:15.770 --> 00:15:19.680 emotional intelligence competency that allows me to be 231 00:15:19.680 --> 00:15:23.320 vulnerable and it allows me to. And what we're really talking about is 232 00:15:23.640 --> 00:15:27.400 I have a root of who I want 233 00:15:27.560 --> 00:15:31.200 to be yourself. I'll draw from, you know, concept of human 234 00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:35.200 psychology, real self is who do I want to be 235 00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:38.880 in the world. And if I have a measuring stick, then I 236 00:15:38.880 --> 00:15:42.880 can make decisions in the moment how 237 00:15:42.880 --> 00:15:46.510 to be cave. So in that exchange, 238 00:15:51.070 --> 00:15:55.030 No, I'm distracted. There's this thing, what I want to be 239 00:15:55.030 --> 00:15:58.430 able to do, be able to connect with you 240 00:15:59.710 --> 00:16:03.430 that your facings I've ever 241 00:16:03.430 --> 00:16:07.110 faced. Maybe I can't truly be empathetic, but I can 242 00:16:07.110 --> 00:16:10.670 certainly be sympathetic. But what I commonly do is I can use space. 243 00:16:11.140 --> 00:16:13.780 I can say, you know what, you need to take the day off, don't worry 244 00:16:13.780 --> 00:16:17.140 about it, go home. You know, if you need anything, let me know. 245 00:16:17.540 --> 00:16:21.020 But go take some time, go take a walk, do whatever, you know, whatever it 246 00:16:21.020 --> 00:16:24.900 is that you need to do instead of driving towards. Well, that's 247 00:16:24.900 --> 00:16:28.740 too bad you feel that way. You work 248 00:16:29.620 --> 00:16:32.820 the law in that. That latter scenario 249 00:16:33.700 --> 00:16:37.630 is tenfold. Take until day. I 250 00:16:37.630 --> 00:16:41.470 mean, we don't work eight hours a day anyway, so it's not like we're, you 251 00:16:41.470 --> 00:16:45.470 know, we overblow the loss of production because 252 00:16:45.470 --> 00:16:49.270 we assume that eight hours is being worked every 253 00:16:49.270 --> 00:16:50.870 day. But we know that's not true. 254 00:16:54.550 --> 00:16:58.470 In team dynamics, in leader team dynamics, 255 00:16:59.030 --> 00:17:02.960 I imagine there has to be a kind of a, a normalisation 256 00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:06.720 of a balance of emotional intelligence. Because if you're not careful, if 257 00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:10.720 you're imbalanced, one person has high emotional intelligence and one has low or, 258 00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:14.680 or not aware of it. That can create frustration on both parts. You know, 259 00:17:14.680 --> 00:17:18.079 someone's trying to be empathetic and listen and manage you and look after you. You 260 00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:21.960 know, you're neurodiverse or your, your empathy levels are low. 261 00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:25.880 You're. You're kind of, yeah, you're, you feel uncomfortable in 262 00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:29.600 that situation. So how do we kind of try and level out 263 00:17:29.600 --> 00:17:33.560 this imbalance? Sometimes step away from an 264 00:17:33.560 --> 00:17:37.480 organisation, Just look at the world and I think about all 265 00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:40.240 the craze on a daily basis. 266 00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:46.080 The world is ripe with. That's the first thing that doesn't matter 267 00:17:46.080 --> 00:17:49.520 that we're at work. Our lives are our lives and they're 268 00:17:49.760 --> 00:17:53.520 filled with all of these. Right. Whether it 269 00:17:53.520 --> 00:17:57.330 happens within the bounds of the organisation or not. Um, 270 00:17:57.730 --> 00:18:01.410 I've done a lot of work with public servants in the United States. 271 00:18:02.610 --> 00:18:06.490 If you've read news, you know that there's a big move to total 272 00:18:06.490 --> 00:18:10.250 number of federal employees in the Federal Government or in the government in the United 273 00:18:10.250 --> 00:18:14.010 States. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But unfortunately, the 274 00:18:14.010 --> 00:18:17.770 narrative that goes along with it is these people aren't being productive. They're not great 275 00:18:17.770 --> 00:18:21.690 professionals. These guys, you know, they're not really doing that. They're lazy 276 00:18:21.690 --> 00:18:25.690 they're this, they're that and those things couldn't be any further from the truth. But 277 00:18:25.690 --> 00:18:29.560 that's an. That is going to necessitate this. We step back and 278 00:18:29.560 --> 00:18:33.200 we kind of, you know, we protect ourselves from this. 279 00:18:33.840 --> 00:18:37.040 This criticism. Right. 280 00:18:37.680 --> 00:18:39.920 So I think you know, when you 281 00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:45.120 imbalance in. In a. When you 282 00:18:45.120 --> 00:18:48.960 have the imbalance you can. I'm trying to think of the 283 00:18:48.960 --> 00:18:52.940 best way to say it. If I look out into the world and I 284 00:18:52.940 --> 00:18:56.740 see of the drama based that 285 00:18:56.740 --> 00:18:58.540 sort of 286 00:19:00.940 --> 00:19:03.980 more it's shouting match. Everybody's trying to be heard. 287 00:19:04.540 --> 00:19:08.180 There's no more focus on bringing in 288 00:19:08.180 --> 00:19:11.420 evidence and proving a truth. It's 289 00:19:13.180 --> 00:19:16.620 because you're in. It's. There's just so much 290 00:19:18.370 --> 00:19:22.370 vital in the world and. And it's exactly what you 291 00:19:22.370 --> 00:19:25.890 just being. So 292 00:19:26.130 --> 00:19:30.130 look at it from that perspective. What I think I 293 00:19:30.530 --> 00:19:34.050 can commit myself to not be distracted 294 00:19:34.370 --> 00:19:37.010 by all of the stuff that's coming after me. 295 00:19:37.890 --> 00:19:41.730 I'm maybe not 296 00:19:41.730 --> 00:19:44.370 be as negatively impacted by all of the stuff 297 00:19:46.610 --> 00:19:49.890 and ultimate world a much nicer place. We'd all get along a lot better. 298 00:19:51.810 --> 00:19:55.690 And I think that's ultimately what we really need to be doing is 299 00:19:55.690 --> 00:19:59.650 we need to be acknowledged. We're different. Right? We're all 300 00:19:59.650 --> 00:20:03.090 diverse in all the different ways you can be 301 00:20:03.090 --> 00:20:07.050 diverse and numerous others come from someplace 302 00:20:07.050 --> 00:20:10.880 different. We all approach life different. We have different beliefs, 303 00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:14.800 different opinions, you know, different desires. But it's 304 00:20:14.800 --> 00:20:18.600 all okay because there isn't a right. And I think this is 305 00:20:18.600 --> 00:20:22.200 where the emotional intelligence and I think 306 00:20:22.200 --> 00:20:25.560 emotional intelligence in that scenario that you're talking 307 00:20:27.800 --> 00:20:28.200 about. 308 00:20:32.200 --> 00:20:35.960 To be where you are. Okay. Do you want to be better? 309 00:20:35.960 --> 00:20:39.920 That's really the question. It's not do you agree with me? Do you? What are 310 00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:43.600 you shooting for in your life? What. What is your goal? What is your ideal? 311 00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:46.200 Where are you trying to get to? Who are you trying to be as a 312 00:20:46.200 --> 00:20:50.120 human being? Let me help you realise that. And if we do that I think 313 00:20:50.120 --> 00:20:53.800 all the rest of this stuff just kind of starts to fall into place. But 314 00:20:53.800 --> 00:20:57.759 it. It requires strength, right? 315 00:20:57.759 --> 00:21:01.560 A resilience within you to be able to put yourself out 316 00:21:01.560 --> 00:21:04.800 and say this is me without apology. 317 00:21:05.760 --> 00:21:09.340 This is who I am. You can be who you want. 318 00:21:09.980 --> 00:21:13.780 I take no offence to celebrate you be who you want to 319 00:21:13.780 --> 00:21:17.660 be. But let's, let's do that in a 320 00:21:17.660 --> 00:21:21.420 way that we're not trying to change each other. 321 00:21:21.820 --> 00:21:25.100 We're not falling on a flag not we're not 322 00:21:26.620 --> 00:21:30.540 saying your role is only 323 00:21:30.540 --> 00:21:34.540 good if go back to that ideal self idea 324 00:21:34.540 --> 00:21:38.450 what, what that is all about. Is deciding who we 325 00:21:38.450 --> 00:21:42.450 want to be as individuals. How do I want to show up in the world, 326 00:21:42.770 --> 00:21:46.530 how do I want people to experience me if that's the most 327 00:21:46.530 --> 00:21:50.170 important and frankly the only 328 00:21:50.170 --> 00:21:54.090 measuring stick that will letter to us? Because everything else 329 00:21:54.090 --> 00:21:57.730 is an abstraction. It's everything else is some third party creation. 330 00:21:57.890 --> 00:22:01.730 The ideas of success that are printed in magazines, the commercial, 331 00:22:01.810 --> 00:22:05.580 the political rhetoric, everything, everything that goes 332 00:22:05.580 --> 00:22:09.580 on driving towards no, no, I have the answer and you 333 00:22:09.580 --> 00:22:13.580 need to follow me. And it's not about following people, it's 334 00:22:13.580 --> 00:22:15.780 about being authentic. And so. 335 00:22:19.860 --> 00:22:23.740 We live in a world where a lot of the communication we do 336 00:22:23.740 --> 00:22:27.540 these days is asynchronous. We social media, 337 00:22:27.620 --> 00:22:31.440 we're hiding behind keyboards, we're sending a message. That message 338 00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:35.280 then travels through space and time and someone will read it and 339 00:22:35.280 --> 00:22:38.320 then reply or not or whatever. But 340 00:22:39.360 --> 00:22:43.320 in the human evolution, most of our communications was all synchronous. We 341 00:22:43.320 --> 00:22:47.000 were talking to a person with a person. We could judge their 342 00:22:47.000 --> 00:22:51.000 reactions, we could judge their feelings, we could judge their state, what 343 00:22:51.000 --> 00:22:54.960 they were doing. Whereas now we've got no idea 344 00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:59.370 where the person is at the other end, what they're doing, what they're thinking 345 00:22:59.370 --> 00:23:03.290 of, what their emotional state is, what their happiness quotient is, whatever. 346 00:23:03.450 --> 00:23:07.290 And we're sending this message and they 347 00:23:07.290 --> 00:23:10.890 interpret it in a completely different way often which is intended 348 00:23:11.450 --> 00:23:15.370 or we don't have consequence in what we say 349 00:23:15.370 --> 00:23:19.090 anymore. Is that part of the problem we're getting here? Yeah, I think 350 00:23:19.090 --> 00:23:22.730 so. I think it's a desire 351 00:23:22.730 --> 00:23:26.570 to interpret what somebody is saying. 352 00:23:27.290 --> 00:23:31.250 And I don't know, I would probably 353 00:23:31.250 --> 00:23:34.890 argue that we've lost some of our command, 354 00:23:35.930 --> 00:23:39.930 the ability to speak clearly, concisely, 355 00:23:40.490 --> 00:23:43.450 to say exactly what I mean without an 356 00:23:44.970 --> 00:23:48.850 agenda. If I tell you you're not here in 357 00:23:48.850 --> 00:23:52.710 Florida, but if I sun is shining today and it's 85 degrees, 358 00:23:54.070 --> 00:23:58.030 okay, you can me, you can go look on Weather channel or whatever app and 359 00:23:58.030 --> 00:24:01.790 and find out if that's true or not. It's an easy piece of 360 00:24:01.790 --> 00:24:05.190 information for us to then conversation about. But if I say 361 00:24:05.909 --> 00:24:09.030 the weather, it's not about 362 00:24:10.310 --> 00:24:13.510 facts anymore. Fact get 363 00:24:15.270 --> 00:24:19.070 proven. That's an opinion. So what happens is 364 00:24:19.150 --> 00:24:23.070 we fall to opinion much more than actually just 365 00:24:23.070 --> 00:24:26.750 exchanging bits of data that we want to then 366 00:24:27.230 --> 00:24:29.230 comment on or talk about 367 00:24:32.190 --> 00:24:35.950 address. So what happens instead of saying like you know, 368 00:24:35.950 --> 00:24:39.630 my silly little weather analogy instead of just 85 369 00:24:39.630 --> 00:24:43.270 degrees from we typically 370 00:24:43.430 --> 00:24:47.070 things with an 371 00:24:47.070 --> 00:24:51.030 agenda I personally you do 372 00:24:51.030 --> 00:24:54.230 agree with. So I have to convince you the weather's better here. 373 00:24:54.950 --> 00:24:58.310 It is point of that it doesn't it doesn't change 374 00:24:58.470 --> 00:25:02.390 anything in the world, right? It just makes us feel better because somebody 375 00:25:02.390 --> 00:25:06.110 agreed with us potentially. All of this 376 00:25:06.110 --> 00:25:09.830 goes back to this idea, right, of resilience where it's like I don't have to 377 00:25:09.830 --> 00:25:13.300 be right. No one has to agree. I'm perfectly okay 378 00:25:13.540 --> 00:25:16.820 in this world if absolutely nobody 379 00:25:17.220 --> 00:25:21.060 agrees with me. Now I might want to consider 380 00:25:21.220 --> 00:25:24.820 my beliefs if absolutely nobody is agreeing with me 381 00:25:24.980 --> 00:25:28.900 because maybe there's something that I'm missing so I should consider that. 382 00:25:29.220 --> 00:25:32.260 But at the end of the day, the point isn't to be 383 00:25:33.940 --> 00:25:35.860 the same as or different. 384 00:25:39.510 --> 00:25:43.510 To have my own perspective based on my lived experience and then 385 00:25:43.750 --> 00:25:47.630 to let everybody else have the same thing. So to 386 00:25:47.630 --> 00:25:51.350 grant that courtesy or that say 387 00:25:51.350 --> 00:25:54.310 listen, your, your lived experience, 388 00:25:56.630 --> 00:26:00.470 it's all on you. I'm. You need. 389 00:26:01.030 --> 00:26:04.520 I'm not not care. Because who am I 390 00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:08.040 to make the rules right 391 00:26:09.720 --> 00:26:13.640 places. But that comes to, right, like come back to 392 00:26:13.640 --> 00:26:17.400 a comfort level. Are we confident enough? Are we 393 00:26:17.400 --> 00:26:21.400 secure enough in ourselves? Can we, 394 00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:23.400 you know, positively 395 00:26:25.240 --> 00:26:28.930 overcome other. We have. 396 00:26:28.930 --> 00:26:32.450 I'm afraid of not being liked. Okay, okay. 397 00:26:35.890 --> 00:26:39.690 We need to understand, right? And, and is the thing 398 00:26:39.690 --> 00:26:43.250 that you're putting out there to try and get people to like 399 00:26:43.490 --> 00:26:47.330 you, is that authentic to you or is that kind of what you. You 400 00:26:47.330 --> 00:26:50.930 grabbed? Because I think people, well, people like people 401 00:26:51.250 --> 00:26:54.910