Bobbi Barrington: Foreign.
Joanne Lockwood: Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuary
Joanne Lockwood: for bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood,
Joanne Lockwood: your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart of
Joanne Lockwood: inclusion, belonging and societal transformation.
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Joanne Lockwood: not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone.
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Joanne Lockwood: So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to
Joanne Lockwood: ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites.
Joanne Lockwood: And today is episode 199
Joanne Lockwood: with the title Resilience Through Reinvention. And I have
Joanne Lockwood: the absolute honour and privilege to welcome Bobbi Barrington.
Joanne Lockwood: Bobbi is a wisdom speaker and coach who champions
Joanne Lockwood: personal reinvention, emotional intelligence and
Joanne Lockwood: building inclusive spaces where authenticity thrives.
Joanne Lockwood: When I asked Bobbi to describe her superpower, she said that his
Joanne Lockwood: transformation through truth, she's able to turn fear
Joanne Lockwood: into fuel and pain into power. Hello, Bobbi,
Joanne Lockwood: welcome to the show. Hey, Joanne, what a delight to
Bobbi Barrington: meet you again. It's a year since we met in London.
Bobbi Barrington: We did. We had lunch at the Union Jet Club just by Waterloo Station. And
Joanne Lockwood: yeah, it was fascinating to meet you because you were on a bit of a
Joanne Lockwood: tour of the UK to sort out some legacy, legal and
Joanne Lockwood: asset realisation, I believe, at the time. And, yeah, I. Well, I
Joanne Lockwood: had months or so. I had a house to sell in the uk,
Bobbi Barrington: which. Which subsequently done. But I was also. I
Bobbi Barrington: met you through the PSA in London, you know, the Professional
Bobbi Barrington: Speakers association, as a speaker myself, you know, so. And I'd been in
Bobbi Barrington: France and I went to the French version of the psa. I'd also been
Bobbi Barrington: to the Olympics and was travelling alone through
Bobbi Barrington: Europe, through the UK and having a wonderful
Bobbi Barrington: time. It was just the best time and I was so happy. Now I'm back
Bobbi Barrington: in Australia. I'm on the Sunshine coast in
Bobbi Barrington: Queensland in the Sunshine State and
Bobbi Barrington: in a thunderstorm. In a thunderstorm. Well, it's. Well, it is like
Bobbi Barrington: 8:30 now. PM. Yeah.
Joanne Lockwood: So you had sun during the day and you got rain at night? Well, that's
Bobbi Barrington: right. You know, it's quite warm, 30 odd degrees here at the moment
Bobbi Barrington: and quite humid, so it's not for everyone.
Joanne Lockwood: But I love it do you get real impressive
Joanne Lockwood: fork lightning and big, big lightning bolts too. Well, I guess
Bobbi Barrington: so. Last night they were like above the cloud, so I didn't really see that.
Bobbi Barrington: But what I am seeing though is,
Bobbi Barrington: and your listeners will love this is a few
Bobbi Barrington: snakes, bunch of cane toads. I saw a foot long
Bobbi Barrington: praying mantis the other day. Wow,
Joanne Lockwood: that's. It's like a sci fi movie. They could eat your dog, couldn't it?
Bobbi Barrington: It was just huge, you know, so there are the odd insects here, but
Bobbi Barrington: mostly it's. It's pretty good. I've seen some videos on Facebook around
Joanne Lockwood: praying mantises eating anything, you know, they're quite formidable predators, aren't they?
Bobbi Barrington: I wouldn't really know. I. I removed it to a safe place
Bobbi Barrington: and they let it carry on its life somewhere else.
Joanne Lockwood: Okay. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to put your foot in its way or something.
Joanne Lockwood: Yeah. It's not nibbling your toes off. No, no.
Joanne Lockwood: So you're back in Oz, you're based in Brisbane now and
Joanne Lockwood: you're a speaker and a coach.
Bobbi Barrington: So I'm an hour and a half north of Brisbane. I'm on the coast and
Bobbi Barrington: I'm a professional speaker, a motivational speaker. I'm a
Bobbi Barrington: coach. I am about to start creating events. Well, I've
Bobbi Barrington: created a few small events this year, but you know, mostly,
Bobbi Barrington: mostly what lights me up is helping people
Bobbi Barrington: to see new possibilities where previously they
Bobbi Barrington: couldn't. This is a reflection of my own
Bobbi Barrington: transformation and four, just four years ago. So I, I
Bobbi Barrington: am a trans woman and I have changed
Bobbi Barrington: everything. I have changed my body, I've changed my
Bobbi Barrington: whole life. I've changed. I've moved interstate,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, just moved into a new house. Everything is absolutely new for
Bobbi Barrington: me. And I am 66 years old now
Bobbi Barrington: and I have never been younger, happier.
Bobbi Barrington: I'm working on getting fitter, having just started playing pickleball, which is
Bobbi Barrington: a lot of fun. And I now as a single woman,
Bobbi Barrington: I am divorced. I've lost my family, I've lost my marriage, I've
Bobbi Barrington: lost dreams that I once had. But I am so free and so happy
Bobbi Barrington: with who I have become and building
Bobbi Barrington: trust in myself. And I was on a speaking trip around Australia,
Bobbi Barrington: going from community to community speaking, going
Bobbi Barrington: in front of audiences and sharing my truth, sharing my
Bobbi Barrington: messages, sharing my wisdom. And this was not the me
Bobbi Barrington: that I used to be. You know, I used to be shy
Bobbi Barrington: and introverted and not want to stand out or
Bobbi Barrington: attract attention. And now here I am, six foot tall with purple hair
Bobbi Barrington: and I stand in front of people. And I speak. And I speak because
Bobbi Barrington: I think what I have to say is important. And I think
Bobbi Barrington: that, you know, like, my message isn't about gender,
Bobbi Barrington: but my gender is part of the storey, part of
Bobbi Barrington: my storey to my womanhood. And everybody has their own
Bobbi Barrington: storey. And one storey is not better than another. Just
Bobbi Barrington: our storeys. And this just happens to me, mine.
Bobbi Barrington: What choice have I got to run with it? You know,
Bobbi Barrington: I'm a woman. So doing a bit of mathematics, from what you just said,
Joanne Lockwood: this all occurred 4.4and a bit years ago. So that
Joanne Lockwood: would have been 60, 61 years old.
Bobbi Barrington: Yeah. 60. Yeah. Yeah. See, that must have been a
Joanne Lockwood: lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking about this, that
Joanne Lockwood: what was the moment you realised that this was necessary for you? So
Bobbi Barrington: unlike others that I
Bobbi Barrington: read about and people that I know who have children who
Bobbi Barrington: have known when they were 2 or 5 or 11 or something like that, it
Bobbi Barrington: wasn't me. It wasn't until I was
Bobbi Barrington: like my late 40s that I just started feeling differently about myself
Bobbi Barrington: and my body. But I
Bobbi Barrington: didn't know any trans people. I
Bobbi Barrington: didn't. It hadn't been. I hadn't met anyone until, even
Bobbi Barrington: until I was on the journey, you know, and until. Until I was really at
Bobbi Barrington: the point of starting to, you know, get proper medical attention. That was the
Bobbi Barrington: first time I started meeting trans people. So it was not part of my life
Bobbi Barrington: at all. It was something intern me that happened
Bobbi Barrington: gradually, over a decade or so, and
Bobbi Barrington: it was like little steps, little steps, little steps, little steps of feeling.
Bobbi Barrington: But during that time, I didn't
Bobbi Barrington: have any kind of sense that this was the reality that I would create.
Bobbi Barrington: One of the things I speak about is creating your own destiny, creating
Bobbi Barrington: your own reality. And there are many facets to that.
Bobbi Barrington: Much of it is mental, you know, and. And you,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, like by creating your own reality through changing your
Bobbi Barrington: beliefs and changing your attitudes and the way that you show up in
Bobbi Barrington: the world. But part of it is actually the physical. Creating the physical reality
Bobbi Barrington: of myself, you know, and I had. I had no sense that
Bobbi Barrington: this would be my reality. And there was a point, I think a point
Bobbi Barrington: where it was really started to become a possibility
Bobbi Barrington: was when I saw a counsellor
Bobbi Barrington: who parted a curtain for me and let me see a
Bobbi Barrington: vision of who I could become. And I had
Bobbi Barrington: this form, this dream of a woman on
Bobbi Barrington: the beach in a swimsuit, hair fall down, falling down her
Bobbi Barrington: shoulders, you know, just as a woman I was meant to be. But
Bobbi Barrington: that was such a scary vision. That was like, oh, my God.
Bobbi Barrington: Stepping out into public. And I remember
Bobbi Barrington: I didn't want to be one of these women who looked like
Bobbi Barrington: a man, you know, and you know how when men have
Bobbi Barrington: long hair and it's all messy and looks like a guy with long hair,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, and that was my vision. I don't want that either, you know, and
Bobbi Barrington: it's not that now. But there was a
Bobbi Barrington: transformational week. There was one week when everything shifted
Bobbi Barrington: and it was the week that I saw the counsellor, I saw a psychiatrist,
Bobbi Barrington: I got the sign off to hormones end
Bobbi Barrington: and suddenly I could go into the women's section and
Bobbi Barrington: have permission to shop in the women's section because I
Bobbi Barrington: knew that was now my pathway. I didn't know what the path looked like,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, like from the years from then on.
Bobbi Barrington: But that was really a turning point. Were you married? Were you still
Joanne Lockwood: married at this point? I was. So that. That must have been a.
Joanne Lockwood: A tricky time, having been through this myself.
Joanne Lockwood: It was a horrible time's an understatement. It was a horrible time.
Bobbi Barrington: It was the worst time, you know, like. And not. And not, you know, the
Bobbi Barrington: gender for me was. So I lived in the UK for a long
Bobbi Barrington: time. I lived in London for like 25 years and
Bobbi Barrington: came back to Australia in 2013 and
Bobbi Barrington: everything fell to bits and it was so difficult.
Bobbi Barrington: The gender stuff was like an extra thing to
Bobbi Barrington: cope with, like our marital
Bobbi Barrington: relationships, the money situation,
Bobbi Barrington: trying to be a good parent and caring for my children.
Bobbi Barrington: And it was just such a difficult time and
Bobbi Barrington: one of the hardest times of my life. And I didn't know how
Bobbi Barrington: tell my family about the gender side of things. And
Bobbi Barrington: they were like the last people I told. I just didn't know how to. How
Bobbi Barrington: to say that until the end. And I left and I moved
Bobbi Barrington: interstate and I went and cared for my mum, who was. Who had got dementia
Bobbi Barrington: by then. And that was during COVID So I spent a couple of years during
Bobbi Barrington: COVID living in our family home and she was in care.
Bobbi Barrington: And then in due course she passed away in 2022.
Bobbi Barrington: And that was when I left South Australia, Adelaide, where I
Bobbi Barrington: was, and moved to Brisbane, you know, to start a new life in a new
Bobbi Barrington: body in a new part of the world. There's such a growth, such
Bobbi Barrington: personal growth to do this. So now I'm a coach and I
Bobbi Barrington: coach people through change. I coach people in
Bobbi Barrington: terms of finding new possibilities at any point through
Bobbi Barrington: a decision, navigating our way through the pain and the
Bobbi Barrington: emotions and the grief of moving away from what was and embracing
Bobbi Barrington: what can Be. And when you
Joanne Lockwood: look back your life, are there. Are there moments in time, you know,
Joanne Lockwood: going back, you know, 66 years old, going back over the last 50. 60,
Joanne Lockwood: 70. Well, 66 years old. Are there times you look back and
Joanne Lockwood: think, actually, that was a sign? Or,
Joanne Lockwood: or is it. Was it a complete
Joanne Lockwood: epiphany when it came, when it hit you, or was there
Joanne Lockwood: signs? You asked me this question last year, actually, and
Bobbi Barrington: because, because you felt, I think you were a little astonished that
Bobbi Barrington: I. I didn't know until so much later. But
Bobbi Barrington: looking back in retrospect. Absolutely, there are
Bobbi Barrington: clues. There are clues about my femininity, about
Bobbi Barrington: how I held myself, about how I, you know, like
Bobbi Barrington: there were parts of my
Bobbi Barrington: personality that were conditioned, you know, through my,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, my father was an alcoholic and growing up, it was an emotionally, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, challenging, difficult household. And I
Bobbi Barrington: kept myself safe by
Bobbi Barrington: protecting myself, by not standing out, not sticking
Bobbi Barrington: my head out, you know, people pleasing those things. And.
Bobbi Barrington: So that thread was running through my life until now,
Bobbi Barrington: but also the gender side,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, like, I look back now and I, and I, and I even look
Bobbi Barrington: at my figure, my figure has always been feminine.
Bobbi Barrington: And in the past, it was stuff that I got
Bobbi Barrington: criticised for, you know, like childbearing hips, got
Bobbi Barrington: that, you know, like pinhead pigeon chest. You know, these
Bobbi Barrington: are like slights that people had directed at me through my life, which now
Bobbi Barrington: have become assets to me, you know, because they create the
Bobbi Barrington: physical, the feminine body that I have, you know. And
Bobbi Barrington: I remember when I was in the. I was in the army in my early
Bobbi Barrington: 20s, and we would go. I could go and
Bobbi Barrington: buy secondhand jungle greens from the
Bobbi Barrington: disposal stores, and I remember buying a pair that had been a
Bobbi Barrington: woman's. And because the, you know, the, the waist
Bobbi Barrington: seam had been tapered in, you know, I remember really liking
Bobbi Barrington: that, you know, but. But looking back in those days, you know, you
Bobbi Barrington: go to parties, you wear fishnets or something like that, you know,
Bobbi Barrington: guys do that stuff too. So actually drawing the line between what is,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, just a fun thing for a guy or one or something that has
Bobbi Barrington: more meaning. Meaning for me. Hard to differentiate.
Bobbi Barrington: But, you know, just. Just looking back at my life, I can see lots of
Bobbi Barrington: clues, you know, but I had no role models, no
Bobbi Barrington: examples, and I just accepted who I was for, you know, most of
Bobbi Barrington: my life. What sort of things have. Have positively surprised you in
Joanne Lockwood: the last six years or even the last six
Joanne Lockwood: months? What surprised you about
Joanne Lockwood: embracing this new you? Women. Women are
Bobbi Barrington: extraordinary. I love my girlfriends.
Bobbi Barrington: I love. I'll tell you what, like So I spent like 60 years as a
Bobbi Barrington: man and now six years as a woman. Right? And
Bobbi Barrington: so that 60 years of living with
Bobbi Barrington: a man's
Bobbi Barrington: emotional, you know, the, the way men
Bobbi Barrington: handle emotions traditionally, you know, like and, and bottle it
Bobbi Barrington: up and suppress it and pretend it doesn't exist,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, apparently, apparently most people can only name three
Bobbi Barrington: emotions. They're happy, sad and pissed off, you know, but, but,
Bobbi Barrington: and, and in with my friends, we never
Bobbi Barrington: would talk about emotions. We would never have
Bobbi Barrington: used the vocabulary, the emotional vocabulary, you know. And
Bobbi Barrington: now in my life, I am
Bobbi Barrington: surrounded with women who are evolved in their
Bobbi Barrington: emotional intelligence and their maturity. And in these
Bobbi Barrington: circles and in these containers, we can talk about
Bobbi Barrington: emotions without shame or judgement or being made wrong or
Bobbi Barrington: anything like that. And it's so healthy, is so healthy,
Bobbi Barrington: and it has helped me grow so much because the
Bobbi Barrington: journey of going from where we are to where we want
Bobbi Barrington: to go is a journey of the emotions. Because it's
Bobbi Barrington: like fear of the unknown, anxiety.
Bobbi Barrington: Like, I used to catastrophize about, like, everything in my life.
Bobbi Barrington: I would make up futures that frightened me and I'd made them
Bobbi Barrington: up, you know, but the fright was an emotional thing, you know, And
Bobbi Barrington: I've had this scarcity mindset all my life and it's never because
Bobbi Barrington: I've not had stuff or resources. It's because I feared
Bobbi Barrington: not having stuff. And it's an emotion. The emotions is
Bobbi Barrington: the most important thing. And the
Bobbi Barrington: thing about my transition is that I have become
Bobbi Barrington: a person who is emotionally intelligent,
Bobbi Barrington: has personal power, has a capacity to
Bobbi Barrington: respond rather than react, has so much
Bobbi Barrington: strength. And it's not through transitioning, but
Bobbi Barrington: it's. Transitioning gave me access to a world
Bobbi Barrington: of women where we can talk about emotions. And in a
Bobbi Barrington: time of, like, gender violence, there's a lot of gender
Bobbi Barrington: violence going on around the world in Australia. It's like a big problem also.
Bobbi Barrington: And I feel I have something to say about that
Bobbi Barrington: to men, about being more emotionally vulnerable,
Bobbi Barrington: because it is a conditioned thing, you know, is not innate to
Bobbi Barrington: men or women. And me, you know, I am the example
Bobbi Barrington: of what is possible when you change the
Bobbi Barrington: culture, when you change the environment, when you change, you know, the
Bobbi Barrington: beliefs and expectations within which I live.
Bobbi Barrington: It's extraordinary, you know, like I. It's interesting.
Joanne Lockwood: It's interesting when you talked about emotional intelligence that how, just to paraphrase what you're
Joanne Lockwood: saying, I believe what you're saying was you've become more in tune with
Joanne Lockwood: your own emotional intelligence since than you ever had in your previous
Joanne Lockwood: life. 100%, a million percent.
Bobbi Barrington: Like it's off the scale,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, like, like I have grown so much, you know,
Bobbi Barrington: and it's not just because, it's also because as a coach,
Bobbi Barrington: I've also been in this world, you know, I have qualifications in NLP and
Bobbi Barrington: you know, hypnotherapy and timeline
Bobbi Barrington: therapy and things like that, you know, so. So I've been immersed in this world
Bobbi Barrington: of personal growth and human design actually has
Bobbi Barrington: been, you know, quite interesting for me as well. But, but
Bobbi Barrington: like this me at 66 who is
Bobbi Barrington: starting all over again. I lost a tonne of money, I'm
Bobbi Barrington: having to rent. I wouldn't have, I would
Bobbi Barrington: have needed to rent. But you know, like, this is where I am, you know,
Bobbi Barrington: and I'm a single woman and I'm starting again in a new life and
Bobbi Barrington: it's possible, you know, like other people are retiring at my age. I'm just
Bobbi Barrington: beginning. And it's so exciting, you know, like this
Bobbi Barrington: new world, this aliveness, this fun, this
Bobbi Barrington: playful me, you know, not because
Bobbi Barrington: of stuff outside of me, but because of the self trust
Bobbi Barrington: and the growth that I've created within me. Yeah. And like my
Bobbi Barrington: transition was the gateway to all of this. All of this.
Bobbi Barrington: Yeah. It's just. What scares you?
Bobbi Barrington: Dying unfulfilled. So what does fulfilment look like? Well, this is a very
Bobbi Barrington: good question. Yeah. You know, like, and this
Bobbi Barrington: is actually something that's come up for me in, you know, recent, recent days really
Bobbi Barrington: actually about. About what drives me, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, like, and I've wanted, I've always wanted to be
Bobbi Barrington: worthy and to matter and attaching results
Bobbi Barrington: to mattering. You see what, see what I mean?
Bobbi Barrington: And it's just been a new growth for me to
Bobbi Barrington: let go of me mattering because I already matter.
Bobbi Barrington: And my message mattering. My message is what's important. My
Bobbi Barrington: message of possibility, my message of you can
Bobbi Barrington: reinvent your life at any point with a decision. My
Bobbi Barrington: message that the realities that you live under
Bobbi Barrington: may not be your truth, it might be someone else's storey that you're
Bobbi Barrington: living. And that is what I
Bobbi Barrington: do as a coach. I question, I ask clever questions.
Bobbi Barrington: I help to shift beliefs. I help to.
Bobbi Barrington: I help to show people, help people see what they can't see for
Bobbi Barrington: themselves. To unlock the grip on a reality
Bobbi Barrington: that may not be a truth. And little by little, finger by
Bobbi Barrington: finger, there you go. Maybe it's not the truth after all.
Bobbi Barrington: Maybe there's another truth that serves me better.
Joanne Lockwood: Because when you're at that point where you're gonna metaphorically
Joanne Lockwood: push a button because you can't unsay I'm, by
Joanne Lockwood: the way, I'm trans. You've kind of said it, you kind of, it's a very
Joanne Lockwood: binary switch. You tell people what was going through your mind at that point. You
Joanne Lockwood: know, you, you've obviously been thinking about this for at least a couple
Joanne Lockwood: of years at this time. You've obviously been for a test drive.
Joanne Lockwood: You've been for. You start thinking about it, you've sat down
Joanne Lockwood: with people who you love or you've sat down with people who you have
Joanne Lockwood: mutual respect for and you have to share this news. What's
Joanne Lockwood: the fear going through your mind at that point? So my biggest fear was with
Bobbi Barrington: my sister and my brother in law because they,
Bobbi Barrington: their relationship to me mattered the most.
Bobbi Barrington: And absolutely there were fears. But also
Bobbi Barrington: for me it was like a no brainer, it was a done deal,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, like fear or no fear. It was something that was happening.
Bobbi Barrington: And at that point I was on the journey, I was on hormones
Bobbi Barrington: and you know, like electrolysis and stuff like that. You know,
Bobbi Barrington: there was a whole project plan in place at that point. Yeah. And then I,
Bobbi Barrington: I just, I just went for it. I posted on Facebook and said,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, this will surprise people, but I'm actually a woman and
Bobbi Barrington: important ways always have been. And nobody saw that, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, but, but at the same time they hadn't seen the sadness that I'd
Bobbi Barrington: lived for such a long time, you know, the fright that I'd
Bobbi Barrington: lived under for such a long time, you know, and they, you know, I've just
Bobbi Barrington: been writing a, you know, a webpage today about this, you know,
Bobbi Barrington: about the living, living a life of less than.
Bobbi Barrington: Living a life of settling for not good enough, living a life
Bobbi Barrington: of inauthenticity. And
Bobbi Barrington: at what cost? You know, like
Bobbi Barrington: the cost to not just me, but the cost
Bobbi Barrington: to the people who get affected by me now.
Bobbi Barrington: Like this me who shows up as an
Bobbi Barrington: authentic, happy look, the way I impact the
Bobbi Barrington: world now is like a million times more, more
Bobbi Barrington: powerful, important than the way I used to impact the world. The cost,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, and I think about the, the cost to me, the cost to
Bobbi Barrington: my family, my community of me being
Bobbi Barrington: inauthentic versus the benefit of me being
Bobbi Barrington: excited and happy and lit up and sharing that with the world with
Bobbi Barrington: my energy and my words and my messages like you do, you know,
Bobbi Barrington: like you speak, you know, like you
Bobbi Barrington: are an important person, you know, who has messages to share, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, like, and the cost of you suppressing
Bobbi Barrington: yourself, like, how can we calculate that?
Bobbi Barrington: But it's not about gender. It's about everybody
Bobbi Barrington: who settles for a version of themselves that
Bobbi Barrington: is less than, that is mediocre, that is less than
Bobbi Barrington: the fullest expression of who they are. I think I can't. So
Bobbi Barrington: there's hardly anything more important than encouraging
Bobbi Barrington: others should they wish to become
Bobbi Barrington: the fullest version of who they're meant to be, for themselves, for their family,
Bobbi Barrington: for their communities, for the world, showing them. I think I look back
Joanne Lockwood: on my life and I was never unhappy. I was never.
Joanne Lockwood: Most people would say I was living life to the full. I was certainly
Joanne Lockwood: Kurt Cobain said, if you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up too
Joanne Lockwood: much room. So I was definitely the life and
Joanne Lockwood: soul of my world, often the one that
Joanne Lockwood: people used to frown at and tut at, because I was probably a bit too
Joanne Lockwood: partyish and a bit too outrageous and a bit too, bit too
Joanne Lockwood: me. I thought I was Max. I think what happened when I gender
Joanne Lockwood: transitioned, I recalibrated the ceiling. I realised
Joanne Lockwood: there's actually 20% of me that I never knew and I
Joanne Lockwood: grew into that. So I've gone from being having a great life to having a
Joanne Lockwood: better life or a better unconstrained life. And it's a lot of
Joanne Lockwood: the traits I used to have, the outrageousness and the
Joanne Lockwood: partying, all those things have fallen by the wayside. So I think what I was
Joanne Lockwood: trying to do was I was in the search for something more and I could
Joanne Lockwood: never find it. And now the transitioning was the thing that
Joanne Lockwood: unlocked that attic room in my house of
Joanne Lockwood: living and said, look, you've got all this extra space, you don't need that stuff
Joanne Lockwood: in the basement anymore. Amazing. On my website I put
Bobbi Barrington: opening minds, unlocking potential,
Bobbi Barrington: and that's kind of what you're describing. But
Bobbi Barrington: I also feel that that is the reality for most people.
Bobbi Barrington: I feel that there is so much potential to unlock, but it's
Bobbi Barrington: constrained by limiting beliefs and judgement and other people's
Bobbi Barrington: opinions and shame and storeys, you know, the
Bobbi Barrington: storeys and worldviews that we believe. And that's my job, you know,
Bobbi Barrington: just to shine light, open, you know, unlock that hand a
Bobbi Barrington: little bit, you know, And I'm sort of like.
Joanne Lockwood: Many, many women who are probably in their 50s, early
Joanne Lockwood: 60s, who have discovered that
Joanne Lockwood: they're ready for a second life. They've done family, the children are grown up,
Joanne Lockwood: the career, they don't want to go back to that old job in a company
Joanne Lockwood: somewhere, and they want to find their best life. So I think it's not, it's
Joanne Lockwood: not just us as gender diverse trans people. Yeah.
Joanne Lockwood: As you say, other people, women say. I've had an. I don't want to just
Joanne Lockwood: go back to being mum or this.
Joanne Lockwood: My time is now. I am just releasing something
Bobbi Barrington: through my website or, you know, through. And if people want
Bobbi Barrington: to DM me, then it's called how to Feel Alive
Bobbi Barrington: Again. And it's a, it's a, it's a short course
Bobbi Barrington: and, you know, series of questions on feeling alive Again.
Bobbi Barrington: You know, it's a guided process. So if people want to
Bobbi Barrington: message me about that and I can get the link
Bobbi Barrington: over. Amazing. Feel alive.
Bobbi Barrington: One of my highest values is aliveness. I love it in people,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, when the lights are on and lit up because they're excited,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, and life should be exciting. Not a burden,
Bobbi Barrington: not an ordeal. Yeah.
Joanne Lockwood: Stuff that we talked earlier. I don't know if we talked earlier in the green
Joanne Lockwood: room. We talked earlier when we were recording, but we talked about this, this box
Joanne Lockwood: that we're living in. And society wants to constrain us by
Joanne Lockwood: giving us labels and definitions. And the close we get to the edges of those
Joanne Lockwood: labels and definitions, people want to shut
Joanne Lockwood: us back into the box. Stop that. You're not allowed to do that. You're not
Joanne Lockwood: allowed to do that. You've got to be one of these in this box. Everybody
Joanne Lockwood: feels that pressure at some point. You talked about this, this being embracing radical
Joanne Lockwood: authenticity, that authenticity of realising
Joanne Lockwood: that box is a constraint. And
Joanne Lockwood: it's not like you got a puppy and you need to put it. You need
Joanne Lockwood: to put yourself in a crate every night. This is the thing that's holding you
Joanne Lockwood: back. It's knowing how to get out of that. Well, we can't see what we
Bobbi Barrington: can't see. And this is why coaches are
Bobbi Barrington: so important in our world. People who can shine lights on
Bobbi Barrington: beliefs and behaviours and habits that you don't even notice that you're doing.
Bobbi Barrington: And like, just because you are a coach doesn't mean you can see any better
Bobbi Barrington: than anyone else. So my, my transformation, I,
Bobbi Barrington: I tell you what really happened. I had
Bobbi Barrington: transitioned and I was in the process of transitioning in my gender and it has
Bobbi Barrington: been. Been a journey. And
Bobbi Barrington: I used to say that I'd had two transitions. One
Bobbi Barrington: was my gender and one was my mindset and that the gender was the easy
Bobbi Barrington: one and it was all done and dusted. I've recently discovered that
Bobbi Barrington: it's not been quite as cut and dried as that because I've had
Bobbi Barrington: a few self acceptance issues. Come up to
Bobbi Barrington: do with my new life vis a vis
Bobbi Barrington: sex as a woman. This is a new
Bobbi Barrington: pathway, a new discovery for me. And touting
Bobbi Barrington: myself as a trans woman vis a vis
Bobbi Barrington: sex and inviting judgement and
Bobbi Barrington: criticism, you know, that that was an edge for me. That was
Bobbi Barrington: a big edge. And by and large I have been
Bobbi Barrington: surprised and happy with the response that I've had to that.
Bobbi Barrington: And you know, there are these guys in my life who I thought would
Bobbi Barrington: run away and haven't. So that is amazing, you know, but
Bobbi Barrington: my other transition is the mindset transition in. When I came back
Bobbi Barrington: to Australia in 2013, I spent six years, those six
Bobbi Barrington: very unhappy years, trying to. Trying to make money, build businesses,
Bobbi Barrington: by and large, not very successfully.
Bobbi Barrington: And then I left my family, I moved interstate and I tried to run some
Bobbi Barrington: different kinds of businesses. Again, not very successfully.
Bobbi Barrington: Just didn't know how to solve my problem. And so I had
Bobbi Barrington: learned through my career in accountancy,
Bobbi Barrington: in project management, in business analysis, a certain
Bobbi Barrington: way to navigate the world through control and
Bobbi Barrington: like learning more, doing more, forcing,
Bobbi Barrington: pushing harder, and the strategies that had got me to
Bobbi Barrington: where I was financially, I was making no money. And I was
Bobbi Barrington: so frightened. And I had 30,000 emails
Bobbi Barrington: unanswered. I had a pile of letters unopened. I had my phone
Bobbi Barrington: permanently on mute because I was a frightened of the tax department. And I
Bobbi Barrington: didn't. Didn't know how to get out of my problem. I couldn't see
Bobbi Barrington: the problem because I was in the problem. I was the
Bobbi Barrington: problem. And I reached out for a coach
Bobbi Barrington: and it wasn't my first coach, I've done this before, but.
Bobbi Barrington: And I reached out and she got me to stop all the doing and
Bobbi Barrington: start being, stop all of the
Bobbi Barrington: controlling and start trusting and to go sit on a
Bobbi Barrington: hill and do absolutely nothing at all and not think or read
Bobbi Barrington: or listen to podcasts or ebooks.
Bobbi Barrington: And all of a sudden these ideas started coming up for me
Bobbi Barrington: and all of my can't, because I was living in a world of can't,
Bobbi Barrington: I can't do this because. And they turned
Bobbi Barrington: into cans. And she said, you know what
Bobbi Barrington: lights you up out of all of these possibilities? And I said, I think I
Bobbi Barrington: will have more of an impact with what I say than with what I do.
Bobbi Barrington: And then speaking came back into my life. A
Bobbi Barrington: speaker coach came back into my life. And that was the
Bobbi Barrington: point that I discovered what on earth
Bobbi Barrington: was my passion, why was I on the planet?
Bobbi Barrington: And this me, what I talk about, what I mentioned,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, other things, this is why I'm here. And I
Bobbi Barrington: know this, and being certain about it has made
Bobbi Barrington: all the difference. And I've just run with this for
Bobbi Barrington: the last four years and grown and done my NLP stuff and,
Bobbi Barrington: and been like neck deep in emotions and
Bobbi Barrington: emotional regulation and nervous system regulation. And this
Bobbi Barrington: is, you know, like 60, 60 something years
Bobbi Barrington: of living life one way and now all of a sudden, who knew?
Bobbi Barrington: Who knew there was this other way to live life? Oh my
Bobbi Barrington: God. I know it. It's actually
Joanne Lockwood: incredible once you, you realise that this other life
Joanne Lockwood: has been sitting there all along and it was yours for the taking,
Joanne Lockwood: but you were being held back by limiting beliefs, fear, whatever
Joanne Lockwood: it may be. I had no idea. No
Bobbi Barrington: idea. And there are other lives other than this. You know, they're like.
Bobbi Barrington: It's a journey of exploration.
Bobbi Barrington: Every day is a new edge, a new growth, a new.
Bobbi Barrington: I contemplate a lot. I contemplate a lot.
Bobbi Barrington: Like, I don't know if any of you listeners know
Bobbi Barrington: human design, but I have a gate which is called Gate 34, which is
Bobbi Barrington: the gate of power. The shadow of that gate
Bobbi Barrington: is forcing. The gift is strength and the city is
Bobbi Barrington: majesty. And these are beautiful words.
Bobbi Barrington: And there's an access point for me to contemplate. What am I
Bobbi Barrington: forcing? Where am I forcing my life to be the
Bobbi Barrington: way that I think it should be? What could it be like
Bobbi Barrington: if I let go of that need for it to be a certain way and
Bobbi Barrington: just trust that it will be perfect? You know, this, this,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, like. So I'm always contemplating
Bobbi Barrington: these aspects of me and how I. I went into
Bobbi Barrington: TK Maxx. You have TK Maxx over, over there as well? Yeah, we have TK
Joanne Lockwood: Maxx. Yeah. And I went in there yesterday. My friend said, you know, she really
Bobbi Barrington: loves TK Maxx. And I went in there and I thought, this is a bit
Bobbi Barrington: trashy. Not my kind of store at all. You know, this is not. I
Joanne Lockwood: hate it personally, but yeah. This is not, in your
Bobbi Barrington: vernacular, Harvey Nicks.
Joanne Lockwood: No, it's just rifled
Joanne Lockwood: rails of disorganised chaos. You know, it's too
Joanne Lockwood: unstructured for me. I want. I want neatness and tidiness,
Joanne Lockwood: but every time I go in there, it's like. It's like a
Joanne Lockwood: swarm of a locust of sort of attack around. Everything's everywhere.
Joanne Lockwood: Yeah, it's like I can't deal with it. I want nice
Joanne Lockwood: colour coded stuff. Yes, this is exactly
Bobbi Barrington: my point because I went in there too and I thought garish lighting,
Bobbi Barrington: clothes on racks, you know, like trashy stuff in
Bobbi Barrington: the shelves. And she Said, what did you think? And,
Bobbi Barrington: and she said, what? TK Maxx is, is a place for, you know, like main
Bobbi Barrington: brands, you know. To, you know, you end of
Joanne Lockwood: line returns type stuff, isn't it? Yeah, you can get the good stuff at
Bobbi Barrington: less than the good stuff price sort of thing like that. And yet my
Bobbi Barrington: filter, I didn't see that because my filter
Bobbi Barrington: didn't let me because it was seeing the garishness, the
Bobbi Barrington: unstructuredness, not the colour codedness, the garish light stuff.
Bobbi Barrington: And I had allowed, and I had allowed those that
Bobbi Barrington: worldview of yeah, I'm a classy chick,
Bobbi Barrington: I like a classy chick shop, you know, I'll shop at Chanel, you know,
Bobbi Barrington: I'll shop at Harrods or whatever, you know, and maybe not Harrods,
Bobbi Barrington: Selfridges, I love Selfridges, you know, but, but,
Bobbi Barrington: but like, like these are beliefs about our world that are not
Bobbi Barrington: truths. And just like this mirror about
Bobbi Barrington: how can I see this in a different way with different
Bobbi Barrington: lens? And I do this all the time, all the
Bobbi Barrington: time, you know, like, oh my God, how do I think that does that
Bobbi Barrington: serve me to not see, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, the deal that's on offer because my filter prevents
Bobbi Barrington: me from actually seeing it at all, you know, does that make sense? Probably just
Joanne Lockwood: the way your brain's tuned. Your brain likes whilst it can live in
Joanne Lockwood: chaos, it doesn't want chaos all the time. It needs a bit of order and
Joanne Lockwood: structure. Well that's true, that's true. But
Bobbi Barrington: that's my unconscious mind and it's not a truth. I
Bobbi Barrington: can. Together she and I, we can create
Bobbi Barrington: a different worldview. We can, you know, as soon as there's any
Bobbi Barrington: kind of change, needs awareness first. So that
Bobbi Barrington: mirror, that awareness of
Bobbi Barrington: how I'm. Then I can question it, then I can change it or not.
Bobbi Barrington: And unhappy. But every friggin aspect of my life, there's
Bobbi Barrington: a question mark around it and it's a really.
Bobbi Barrington: I said, you know, I love it and I hate it at the same time
Bobbi Barrington: actually. I love it because I love the growth. I love that it stretches me
Bobbi Barrington: to become a different person. I love this,
Bobbi Barrington: this adventure, you know, like I've, I've travelled the world but the
Bobbi Barrington: most exciting adventure I'm finding is in my head. Let me ask you a two
Joanne Lockwood: part question. What surprised you that has
Joanne Lockwood: become surprised that is really difficult about A
Joanne Lockwood: being a woman and B you being a trans woman.
Joanne Lockwood: So a woman first. What surprised you that is more difficult as a
Joanne Lockwood: woman and what makes it doubly difficult being trans? I Don't think
Bobbi Barrington: I find anything more difficult as a woman.
Bobbi Barrington: And I say that because I don't live or work
Bobbi Barrington: in an environment where there is a
Bobbi Barrington: gender bias, you know, so I work for
Bobbi Barrington: myself. I don't even find it
Bobbi Barrington: when I. When I speak with people. I've hardly had
Bobbi Barrington: experiences of bias. Like,
Bobbi Barrington: I went to. Things like, weird things happen. Like, I went to buy a.
Bobbi Barrington: I had a bodyboard, you know, and it needed a new string on it. And
Bobbi Barrington: I went into the shop and it had this plug thing and it was too
Bobbi Barrington: long and needed to be cut off. And the lady said, you know, have you
Bobbi Barrington: got someone at home who can do that for you? You know, And I'm.
Bobbi Barrington: And I. And that surprises me, like, to have that kind of
Bobbi Barrington: feedback, you know, like. Or even where. Where I'm living here, there's a
Bobbi Barrington: garage and it's got these wooden frames and I
Bobbi Barrington: can see they've just got, like, screws into the walls and I can easily whip
Bobbi Barrington: them out. And the lady showing me said, you know, you don't have to do
Bobbi Barrington: that. You know, get someone else to do that. You know, like. And I've. And
Bobbi Barrington: I've always done stuff like that. I'm very handy and I'm still handy
Bobbi Barrington: and. But people don't expect me to be handy, you know, so it's not a
Bobbi Barrington: challenge. It's just. Or even carrying heavy
Bobbi Barrington: stuff, you know, a gas bottle or a car battery or something like that, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, like. And people will offer to cover, carry it for me. And this has
Bobbi Barrington: not been my experience and I would always have done that. And I
Bobbi Barrington: say, fine, no problem, you know, and I like to receive
Bobbi Barrington: that gift, like, to allow them to give that
Bobbi Barrington: gift as well. And I feel it would be churlish for me to,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, stomp my little feet and say, I can do it, I can
Bobbi Barrington: open my own door, whatever. I love also that, you know, like,
Bobbi Barrington: so I'm 66 and I look like I'm 47. People say,
Bobbi Barrington: and I'm. Until they see my behaviour and they think I'm 20. But no, I
Bobbi Barrington: love. I dress. And so I go
Bobbi Barrington: to a nightclub and I have the expectation of
Bobbi Barrington: a person who has been socialised to expect
Bobbi Barrington: to be let in with the Persona
Bobbi Barrington: and visually of a chick in a little black
Bobbi Barrington: dress. And I feel like I have this transcendent gender.
Bobbi Barrington: I can kind of navigate both of these things.
Bobbi Barrington: Such a buzz in that sense.
Bobbi Barrington: But your other question, what you're saying. Yeah, so what you're saying there. I've
Joanne Lockwood: noticed that myself where you people want
Joanne Lockwood: to help you more. And also I sometimes lean into
Joanne Lockwood: it deliberately thinking, well, okay, you offer me help. You want to do that? I'll
Joanne Lockwood: go, oh, would you? Oh, that's lovely. Thank you. I've been on the London
Joanne Lockwood: Underground with my bag. I run a lot of training courses in London, making
Joanne Lockwood: this massive, great big bag, weighs about seven or eight
Joanne Lockwood: kilos. It's really heavy up and down the stairs in the Underground. I've had people
Joanne Lockwood: come up to me and say, let me take that for you. I go, okay,
Joanne Lockwood: thank you. I get to the top. And I said, really, really
Joanne Lockwood: appreciate that. Thank you. I've had people carry a case up the stairs at the
Joanne Lockwood: Union Jack Club where we met in London. That's quite steep stairs. Yeah.
Joanne Lockwood: I lean into it. Now, I don't see as a sign of weakness. I see
Joanne Lockwood: it as a sign of. Actually, I'm 60 years old
Joanne Lockwood: myself. I'm no spring chicken. So if a young, fit person wants to
Joanne Lockwood: carry my bag, as an older person, that's fine, and as a woman, that's fine
Joanne Lockwood: as well. And to be able to receive that
Bobbi Barrington: is not as common as we might think. You
Bobbi Barrington: know, like, when, like, compliments. I have
Bobbi Barrington: never had anything like, as many compliments in my
Bobbi Barrington: life as I have had as a woman. It's just like
Bobbi Barrington: I walk out the door and people say, I love your hair. I love your
Bobbi Barrington: dress. I love, you know, something like that. Never as a man would I have
Bobbi Barrington: had that kind of thing. 90% of those compliments are
Bobbi Barrington: from women, women to women. And this is. This
Bobbi Barrington: is a joy. One of my speeches that I've not written yet, but I
Bobbi Barrington: will, is about the hidden. The hidden
Bobbi Barrington: freedoms of being a woman. The freedoms that you
Bobbi Barrington: don't know that you have because
Bobbi Barrington: you're in it. You can't see it. And that
Bobbi Barrington: is one of the freedoms. Freedom to be able to
Bobbi Barrington: not have to do it all, not have to know all the
Bobbi Barrington: answers, you know, to be able to. To be allowed to
Bobbi Barrington: let someone do something for you. You know, hold a door,
Bobbi Barrington: carry your car battery or your gas bottle or open the car
Bobbi Barrington: door. You know, these are. There's
Bobbi Barrington: also other freedoms like the freedom to touch
Bobbi Barrington: without necessarily meaning anything, and the freedom to walk
Bobbi Barrington: down the street without people crossing to the other side because. Because
Bobbi Barrington: you're scary, you know, so the freedom to be a safe person, to be
Bobbi Barrington: around. I love these freedoms, but they are
Bobbi Barrington: not, by and large, visible to people. The
Bobbi Barrington: freedom to be emotional, to cry.
Bobbi Barrington: These. I think these are important, important freedoms, and they should
Bobbi Barrington: not just be freedoms of women. They should be freedoms for everybody. But
Bobbi Barrington: you asked me, Joanne, about the second part to that question was what
Bobbi Barrington: bits are harder? And this is something that's really
Bobbi Barrington: come up for me lately. And I
Bobbi Barrington: put a post out about this, you know, a few weeks ago that you may
Bobbi Barrington: have seen on Facebook. And it's about,
Bobbi Barrington: it's about always having that little question in my head, that
Bobbi Barrington: little doubt about, about that
Bobbi Barrington: worthiness, you know, because, because I so want to be what
Bobbi Barrington: I can't be. I so can't be a CIS woman. I
Bobbi Barrington: so can't have that same kind of
Bobbi Barrington: anatomy and,
Bobbi Barrington: and I wish I did. I think it's a, a lot to do with
Bobbi Barrington: anatomy, actually. But also,
Bobbi Barrington: I don't have 60 years of lived
Bobbi Barrington: experience of, of living as a woman. You know, the ups and downs of it,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, the highs and lows, you know, like,
Bobbi Barrington: I just haven't, you know, I, I obviously never
Bobbi Barrington: had the opportunity to have, have a child of my own or
Bobbi Barrington: breastfeed or any of those things. They are not the thing so much. But right
Bobbi Barrington: now it's self acceptance. I went to
Bobbi Barrington: the doctor the other day and
Bobbi Barrington: I had to have a blood test and I had a prostate test. And she
Bobbi Barrington: questioned, how come you're having a prostate test, you're a woman? And
Bobbi Barrington: I said, actually, I'm a trans woman. And I kind of resent having to say
Bobbi Barrington: that. I kind of resent having to out myself
Bobbi Barrington: and explain myself and, you know, the fingerprints of my
Bobbi Barrington: life that still sit over me and it's, and I find
Bobbi Barrington: it embarrassing, you know, when I have to
Bobbi Barrington: go, go there and I still have to go there from time to time and
Bobbi Barrington: I, and I don't like it, you know, and I'm
Bobbi Barrington: really fortunate that I can be in
Bobbi Barrington: women's spaces naked in a room full of like a
Bobbi Barrington: temple of women. And I'm a, and I'm a chick and you can't
Bobbi Barrington: tell with me. And I am so delighted by that that
Bobbi Barrington: they're still this little question in my head, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, am I fully accepted? Am I
Joanne Lockwood: good enough? Do I pass the test? What do people think of me?
Joanne Lockwood: Yeah, the imposter syndrome. When am I going to get discovered and
Joanne Lockwood: cast out? Yeah, and it's never happened, you know, all
Bobbi Barrington: of the evidence, the evidence has been
Bobbi Barrington: quite the opposite. The evidence has been of
Bobbi Barrington: beautiful acceptance. Beautiful. Like
Bobbi Barrington: the women in my world, they know that I'm trans and I
Bobbi Barrington: swear that they forget most of the time, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, and, you know, when I, when I talk about My ex, you know, people
Bobbi Barrington: say, oh, like your husband, you know, and
Bobbi Barrington: it's just like she's a chick, ex's, her husband, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, and they, and they, and it's like so affirming it. And
Bobbi Barrington: even my voice, you know, like I listen to my
Bobbi Barrington: voice as a recording and I feel
Bobbi Barrington: I hear my old gender in it. Other people
Bobbi Barrington: never, never say anything about that. Even when I talk on the
Bobbi Barrington: phone, they know there's a woman on the phone.
Bobbi Barrington: So it's me. It's nothing to do with anyone outside of me. It's
Bobbi Barrington: all, all internal. It's all me and my self
Bobbi Barrington: belief.
Joanne Lockwood: Yeah, I definitely went through phases over the
Joanne Lockwood: last 10, 11, 12 years since I transitioned, where
Joanne Lockwood: you're judging yourself more critically than anybody else would ever, I think.
Joanne Lockwood: And I don't know when or exactly the timescale what happened
Joanne Lockwood: was one day I was just, maybe I stepped over a line
Joanne Lockwood: and I stopped caring or stopped being hyper aware or stopped
Joanne Lockwood: worrying about what I look like, what I sound like, whatever.
Joanne Lockwood: So I realised that everybody's looking at everybody and everyone's judging
Joanne Lockwood: each other. And most people actually care more about themselves than they do about anybody
Joanne Lockwood: else. Once you realise that nobody really gives a damn about you that
Joanne Lockwood: much, you just go, okay, I just get up, get on with
Joanne Lockwood: my life and it's okay. And that gives you a bit of freedom as well.
Joanne Lockwood: When you find that hopefully one day you'll have that epiphany where you go, hey,
Joanne Lockwood: I haven't thought about that phrase. It's good. Yeah. Like, this issue
Bobbi Barrington: is by no means exclusive to
Bobbi Barrington: trans people or us. Like, so many women have body
Bobbi Barrington: shame, so many women can't look in the mirror. So many
Bobbi Barrington: women and men, you know, men have this as well, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, like it's a human thing and
Bobbi Barrington: it just happens to be my journey. But that, that was your question about, you
Bobbi Barrington: know, what are the bits that I felt a little bit and,
Bobbi Barrington: and it's, it's getting better and better and I work on it and I
Bobbi Barrington: reframe and you know, one of the things I say is tell a better storey.
Bobbi Barrington: Like the realities that we create through the beliefs
Bobbi Barrington: that we have and the storeys that we tell ourselves, we got the pen in
Bobbi Barrington: our hands. We get to write the storeys of our lives.
Bobbi Barrington: You know, tomorrow is not preordained. Nothing is
Bobbi Barrington: preordained. We get to write the damn thing, tell a better storey.
Joanne Lockwood: It's a fresh piece of toilet paper that we can wipe with or flush
Joanne Lockwood: it or put on the shelf. Yeah. So
Joanne Lockwood: just the truth. We can rewrite whatever we want for the future. Yeah, don't get
Bobbi Barrington: me started. Don't get me started on toilet paper. I use like
Bobbi Barrington: four times as much as I ever used to. Yeah, tell me about it. Tell
Joanne Lockwood: me about it. Yeah, I could go days without using toilet paper. Now it's
Joanne Lockwood: like six sheets every six sheets every two hours. It's like.
Joanne Lockwood: Yeah. And tissues. I never used to use tissues. I used to have hankies. Now
Joanne Lockwood: I've got tissues in every pocket. Every time I go do a put the
Joanne Lockwood: washing load on, I have to empty the pockets out of tissues. And it's like.
Joanne Lockwood: Well, you end up with like, oh, God, I've been tissued. It's sort of full
Joanne Lockwood: up machine again. It
Bobbi Barrington: really is a joy and I am so delighted because, you know, if I
Bobbi Barrington: hadn't taken this path, then I might not well be here,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, because I was so sad about stuff, but.
Bobbi Barrington: And I haven't seen my children for six years. You know, they don't talk to
Bobbi Barrington: me anymore. And, you know, but you know, like,
Bobbi Barrington: I have never been happier. I'm having fun. And yeah, it's sad
Joanne Lockwood: that you have to make a choice sometimes between your family, friends
Joanne Lockwood: or life. Yeah. Your social
Joanne Lockwood: capital, you almost have to trade that in. It's like, it's about playing Texas
Joanne Lockwood: holding poker. You've got to put all your. You got to go all in on
Joanne Lockwood: your chips and. But I would
Joanne Lockwood: sacrifice everything to get what you want. But I would rather
Bobbi Barrington: send a message of making a choice to be authentic and
Bobbi Barrington: happy rather than stay in a relationship that was loveless and
Bobbi Barrington: didn't, you know, like, was miserable. I would want them
Bobbi Barrington: to do that every, you know, like every day of the week. My
Bobbi Barrington: children, I would, I would rather they
Bobbi Barrington: learn to walk away from something that didn't fulfil
Bobbi Barrington: them and make better choices for their lives. One life.
Bobbi Barrington: We get one life, one time on this planet. One shot
Bobbi Barrington: at joy and happiness and
Bobbi Barrington: love. And then it's gone. So
Bobbi Barrington: I can live it. I heard someone say, someone says recently, you know,
Joanne Lockwood: people often say, you have one life, you've got to live it. So you only
Joanne Lockwood: live once. You've got to live it. And someone turned around, said, no, you actually
Joanne Lockwood: only die once. You live every day. So that's
Joanne Lockwood: what we should be doing. You only live once, though. We live every
Joanne Lockwood: day. Go out there and as you say, it's a blank sheet
Joanne Lockwood: of paper. You can make your life whatever age you are.
Bobbi Barrington: I don't think I was living every day. I think I was dying every day,
Bobbi Barrington: you know, for a long time. And now I'm not. How do
Joanne Lockwood: people get. How do people get a hold of you, then? What's the best way
Joanne Lockwood: of keep tracking you down? So I'm Bobbi
Bobbi Barrington: Barrington, and that's B O B B I, Bobbi Barrington.
Bobbi Barrington: And I like Bobbi. I think it's a great name.
Joanne Lockwood: I think Bobbi's cute. So on. On LinkedIn,
Joanne Lockwood: we've got a website. LinkedIn is Bobbi Barrington. On
Bobbi Barrington: Instagram is Bobbi Barrington. And my website is
Bobbi Barrington: bobbybarrington.com and I
Bobbi Barrington: wish someone nicked Bobbi Barrington on Facebook, which is most
Bobbi Barrington: unkind, but it's BobbiGirl1, which.
Bobbi Barrington: Which I have there. But I'm sure if you search for Bobbi Barrington, you'll find
Bobbi Barrington: me, you know, and
Bobbi Barrington: flick me the message and I'll get that how to
Bobbi Barrington: feel alive again thing over to you. I was just looking
Joanne Lockwood: at the. The show notes. Just pick out a couple of quotes in
Joanne Lockwood: there. You said, I don't want anyone else to live a life that isn't truly
Joanne Lockwood: theirs. And then my why is simple.
Joanne Lockwood: Because nobody should have to live a life that isn't their truth. That's very powerful.
Bobbi Barrington: But we do. We do, because that life is familiar,
Bobbi Barrington: that life feels safe. That life we've created
Bobbi Barrington: to protect ourselves, and it serves. And even though we might hate
Bobbi Barrington: it, we are addicted to it and we love it. And this is what
Bobbi Barrington: the coaching is about. It's helping bridge a life from where
Bobbi Barrington: someone is to where they want to go. And
Bobbi Barrington: holding their hands through those steps. You can't see the steps.
Bobbi Barrington: You don't know the way. You can't see what you can't see.
Bobbi Barrington: But this is me. I hold your hand, I walk with
Bobbi Barrington: you, and we do epic
Bobbi Barrington: shit together. Boom. And
Joanne Lockwood: on that note, Bobbi, it's been absolutely fantastic having a chat with you
Joanne Lockwood: for. I love these podcasts because it means I get to have a chat with
Joanne Lockwood: some fantastic people, you included. And we spent an hour and a half together
Joanne Lockwood: just yakking away, and it's been amazing. Thank you so much. And
Joanne Lockwood: if you're listening, I'm sure you'll take something away from this. So, Bobbi,
Joanne Lockwood: thank you. Thanks, Joanne. Thank you for doing what you do.
Joanne Lockwood: As we bring this conversation to a close, I want to express
Joanne Lockwood: my deepest gratitude to you, our listener, for lending
Joanne Lockwood: your ear and heart to the cause of inclusion.
Joanne Lockwood: Today's discussion struck a chord. Consider subscribing to
Joanne Lockwood: Inclusion Bites and become part of our ever growing community,
Joanne Lockwood: driving real change. Share this journey with friends, family and
Joanne Lockwood: colleagues. Let's amplify the voices that matter.
Joanne Lockwood: Got thoughts, storeys or a vision to share? I'm all
Joanne Lockwood: ears. Reach out to
Joanne Lockwood: jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
Joanne Lockwood: and let's make you your voice heard. Until next time, this
Joanne Lockwood: is Joanne Lockwood signing off with a promise to return with
Joanne Lockwood: more enriching narratives that challenge, inspire and
Joanne Lockwood: unite us all. Here's to fostering a more inclusive world one
Joanne Lockwood: episode at a time. Catch you on the next bite.