WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:00.560 Foreign. 2 00:00:07.360 --> 00:00:11.320 Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuary 3 00:00:11.320 --> 00:00:15.200 for bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood, 4 00:00:15.200 --> 00:00:18.720 your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart of 5 00:00:18.720 --> 00:00:22.640 inclusion, belonging and societal transformation. 6 00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:27.040 Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a world? Remember, everyone 7 00:00:27.040 --> 00:00:30.760 not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone. 8 00:00:31.320 --> 00:00:35.200 Join me as we uncover the unseen, challenge 9 00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:38.760 the status quo and share storeys that resonate 10 00:00:38.760 --> 00:00:42.480 deep within. Ready to dive in? Whether you're 11 00:00:42.480 --> 00:00:46.400 sipping your morning coffee or winding down after a long day, let's 12 00:00:46.400 --> 00:00:50.360 connect, reflect and inspire action together. 13 00:00:51.080 --> 00:00:54.870 Don't forget, you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out 14 00:00:54.870 --> 00:00:58.670 to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk 15 00:00:59.070 --> 00:01:02.590 to share your insights or to join me on the show. 16 00:01:03.470 --> 00:01:07.230 So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to 17 00:01:07.230 --> 00:01:10.830 ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites. 18 00:01:14.590 --> 00:01:18.350 And today is episode 199 19 00:01:19.060 --> 00:01:23.020 with the title Resilience Through Reinvention. And I have 20 00:01:23.020 --> 00:01:26.100 the absolute honour and privilege to welcome Bobbi Barrington. 21 00:01:26.660 --> 00:01:30.580 Bobbi is a wisdom speaker and coach who champions 22 00:01:30.740 --> 00:01:34.500 personal reinvention, emotional intelligence and 23 00:01:35.060 --> 00:01:38.100 building inclusive spaces where authenticity thrives. 24 00:01:39.060 --> 00:01:42.980 When I asked Bobbi to describe her superpower, she said that his 25 00:01:42.980 --> 00:01:46.870 transformation through truth, she's able to turn fear 26 00:01:46.870 --> 00:01:50.710 into fuel and pain into power. Hello, Bobbi, 27 00:01:50.710 --> 00:01:54.630 welcome to the show. Hey, Joanne, what a delight to 28 00:01:54.630 --> 00:01:57.790 meet you again. It's a year since we met in London. 29 00:01:58.750 --> 00:02:02.590 We did. We had lunch at the Union Jet Club just by Waterloo Station. And 30 00:02:02.590 --> 00:02:05.870 yeah, it was fascinating to meet you because you were on a bit of a 31 00:02:05.870 --> 00:02:09.630 tour of the UK to sort out some legacy, legal and 32 00:02:09.630 --> 00:02:13.500 asset realisation, I believe, at the time. And, yeah, I. Well, I 33 00:02:13.500 --> 00:02:17.100 had months or so. I had a house to sell in the uk, 34 00:02:17.180 --> 00:02:21.100 which. Which subsequently done. But I was also. I 35 00:02:21.100 --> 00:02:25.020 met you through the PSA in London, you know, the Professional 36 00:02:25.020 --> 00:02:28.980 Speakers association, as a speaker myself, you know, so. And I'd been in 37 00:02:28.980 --> 00:02:32.980 France and I went to the French version of the psa. I'd also been 38 00:02:32.980 --> 00:02:36.820 to the Olympics and was travelling alone through 39 00:02:36.820 --> 00:02:40.680 Europe, through the UK and having a wonderful 40 00:02:40.680 --> 00:02:44.560 time. It was just the best time and I was so happy. Now I'm back 41 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:47.800 in Australia. I'm on the Sunshine coast in 42 00:02:47.800 --> 00:02:50.840 Queensland in the Sunshine State and 43 00:02:52.120 --> 00:02:55.680 in a thunderstorm. In a thunderstorm. Well, it's. Well, it is like 44 00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:59.000 8:30 now. PM. Yeah. 45 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:04.380 So you had sun during the day and you got rain at night? Well, that's 46 00:03:04.380 --> 00:03:08.380 right. You know, it's quite warm, 30 odd degrees here at the moment 47 00:03:08.380 --> 00:03:11.260 and quite humid, so it's not for everyone. 48 00:03:12.220 --> 00:03:15.580 But I love it do you get real impressive 49 00:03:15.980 --> 00:03:19.940 fork lightning and big, big lightning bolts too. Well, I guess 50 00:03:19.940 --> 00:03:23.460 so. Last night they were like above the cloud, so I didn't really see that. 51 00:03:23.460 --> 00:03:27.180 But what I am seeing though is, 52 00:03:27.340 --> 00:03:31.060 and your listeners will love this is a few 53 00:03:31.060 --> 00:03:34.680 snakes, bunch of cane toads. I saw a foot long 54 00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:38.160 praying mantis the other day. Wow, 55 00:03:39.760 --> 00:03:43.520 that's. It's like a sci fi movie. They could eat your dog, couldn't it? 56 00:03:43.760 --> 00:03:47.440 It was just huge, you know, so there are the odd insects here, but 57 00:03:47.440 --> 00:03:51.040 mostly it's. It's pretty good. I've seen some videos on Facebook around 58 00:03:51.040 --> 00:03:55.040 praying mantises eating anything, you know, they're quite formidable predators, aren't they? 59 00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:59.760 I wouldn't really know. I. I removed it to a safe place 60 00:03:59.920 --> 00:04:03.210 and they let it carry on its life somewhere else. 61 00:04:04.090 --> 00:04:07.410 Okay. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to put your foot in its way or something. 62 00:04:07.410 --> 00:04:10.490 Yeah. It's not nibbling your toes off. No, no. 63 00:04:11.850 --> 00:04:15.690 So you're back in Oz, you're based in Brisbane now and 64 00:04:16.729 --> 00:04:19.450 you're a speaker and a coach. 65 00:04:20.730 --> 00:04:23.610 So I'm an hour and a half north of Brisbane. I'm on the coast and 66 00:04:23.610 --> 00:04:27.530 I'm a professional speaker, a motivational speaker. I'm a 67 00:04:27.530 --> 00:04:31.170 coach. I am about to start creating events. Well, I've 68 00:04:31.170 --> 00:04:34.850 created a few small events this year, but you know, mostly, 69 00:04:35.170 --> 00:04:39.090 mostly what lights me up is helping people 70 00:04:39.410 --> 00:04:42.970 to see new possibilities where previously they 71 00:04:42.970 --> 00:04:46.450 couldn't. This is a reflection of my own 72 00:04:46.450 --> 00:04:50.330 transformation and four, just four years ago. So I, I 73 00:04:50.330 --> 00:04:54.270 am a trans woman and I have changed 74 00:04:54.270 --> 00:04:58.110 everything. I have changed my body, I've changed my 75 00:04:58.510 --> 00:05:02.430 whole life. I've changed. I've moved interstate, 76 00:05:03.710 --> 00:05:07.630 you know, just moved into a new house. Everything is absolutely new for 77 00:05:07.630 --> 00:05:11.390 me. And I am 66 years old now 78 00:05:11.390 --> 00:05:14.430 and I have never been younger, happier. 79 00:05:15.550 --> 00:05:19.310 I'm working on getting fitter, having just started playing pickleball, which is 80 00:05:19.830 --> 00:05:23.590 a lot of fun. And I now as a single woman, 81 00:05:23.590 --> 00:05:27.590 I am divorced. I've lost my family, I've lost my marriage, I've 82 00:05:27.590 --> 00:05:31.590 lost dreams that I once had. But I am so free and so happy 83 00:05:31.910 --> 00:05:35.190 with who I have become and building 84 00:05:35.509 --> 00:05:39.190 trust in myself. And I was on a speaking trip around Australia, 85 00:05:39.510 --> 00:05:42.790 going from community to community speaking, going 86 00:05:43.510 --> 00:05:47.110 in front of audiences and sharing my truth, sharing my 87 00:05:47.110 --> 00:05:50.710 messages, sharing my wisdom. And this was not the me 88 00:05:50.790 --> 00:05:54.150 that I used to be. You know, I used to be shy 89 00:05:54.470 --> 00:05:58.150 and introverted and not want to stand out or 90 00:05:58.390 --> 00:06:02.350 attract attention. And now here I am, six foot tall with purple hair 91 00:06:02.350 --> 00:06:06.070 and I stand in front of people. And I speak. And I speak because 92 00:06:06.310 --> 00:06:09.670 I think what I have to say is important. And I think 93 00:06:10.070 --> 00:06:13.670 that, you know, like, my message isn't about gender, 94 00:06:13.910 --> 00:06:17.870 but my gender is part of the storey, part of 95 00:06:17.870 --> 00:06:21.810 my storey to my womanhood. And everybody has their own 96 00:06:21.810 --> 00:06:25.810 storey. And one storey is not better than another. Just 97 00:06:25.810 --> 00:06:29.610 our storeys. And this just happens to me, mine. 98 00:06:29.610 --> 00:06:32.690 What choice have I got to run with it? You know, 99 00:06:34.210 --> 00:06:37.170 I'm a woman. So doing a bit of mathematics, from what you just said, 100 00:06:38.290 --> 00:06:42.290 this all occurred 4.4and a bit years ago. So that 101 00:06:42.290 --> 00:06:45.330 would have been 60, 61 years old. 102 00:06:47.130 --> 00:06:51.050 Yeah. 60. Yeah. Yeah. See, that must have been a 103 00:06:52.890 --> 00:06:55.370 lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking about this, that 104 00:06:57.610 --> 00:07:01.569 what was the moment you realised that this was necessary for you? So 105 00:07:01.569 --> 00:07:05.290 unlike others that I 106 00:07:06.490 --> 00:07:10.410 read about and people that I know who have children who 107 00:07:10.890 --> 00:07:14.850 have known when they were 2 or 5 or 11 or something like that, it 108 00:07:14.850 --> 00:07:18.750 wasn't me. It wasn't until I was 109 00:07:18.750 --> 00:07:22.670 like my late 40s that I just started feeling differently about myself 110 00:07:22.670 --> 00:07:25.910 and my body. But I 111 00:07:26.470 --> 00:07:30.110 didn't know any trans people. I 112 00:07:30.110 --> 00:07:33.910 didn't. It hadn't been. I hadn't met anyone until, even 113 00:07:34.710 --> 00:07:38.670 until I was on the journey, you know, and until. Until I was really at 114 00:07:38.670 --> 00:07:42.510 the point of starting to, you know, get proper medical attention. That was the 115 00:07:42.510 --> 00:07:45.990 first time I started meeting trans people. So it was not part of my life 116 00:07:45.990 --> 00:07:49.450 at all. It was something intern me that happened 117 00:07:49.450 --> 00:07:53.330 gradually, over a decade or so, and 118 00:07:53.570 --> 00:07:57.490 it was like little steps, little steps, little steps, little steps of feeling. 119 00:07:57.490 --> 00:08:01.210 But during that time, I didn't 120 00:08:01.210 --> 00:08:04.850 have any kind of sense that this was the reality that I would create. 121 00:08:06.450 --> 00:08:10.450 One of the things I speak about is creating your own destiny, creating 122 00:08:10.450 --> 00:08:13.730 your own reality. And there are many facets to that. 123 00:08:15.140 --> 00:08:18.100 Much of it is mental, you know, and. And you, 124 00:08:19.380 --> 00:08:22.900 you know, like by creating your own reality through changing your 125 00:08:22.900 --> 00:08:26.860 beliefs and changing your attitudes and the way that you show up in 126 00:08:26.860 --> 00:08:30.820 the world. But part of it is actually the physical. Creating the physical reality 127 00:08:30.820 --> 00:08:34.580 of myself, you know, and I had. I had no sense that 128 00:08:35.140 --> 00:08:39.140 this would be my reality. And there was a point, I think a point 129 00:08:39.140 --> 00:08:43.050 where it was really started to become a possibility 130 00:08:43.530 --> 00:08:47.130 was when I saw a counsellor 131 00:08:47.770 --> 00:08:51.730 who parted a curtain for me and let me see a 132 00:08:51.730 --> 00:08:55.450 vision of who I could become. And I had 133 00:08:55.450 --> 00:08:59.410 this form, this dream of a woman on 134 00:08:59.410 --> 00:09:03.290 the beach in a swimsuit, hair fall down, falling down her 135 00:09:03.290 --> 00:09:07.220 shoulders, you know, just as a woman I was meant to be. But 136 00:09:07.460 --> 00:09:11.460 that was such a scary vision. That was like, oh, my God. 137 00:09:11.460 --> 00:09:15.300 Stepping out into public. And I remember 138 00:09:15.300 --> 00:09:19.140 I didn't want to be one of these women who looked like 139 00:09:19.460 --> 00:09:22.900 a man, you know, and you know how when men have 140 00:09:23.380 --> 00:09:27.180 long hair and it's all messy and looks like a guy with long hair, 141 00:09:27.180 --> 00:09:30.860 you know, and that was my vision. I don't want that either, you know, and 142 00:09:30.860 --> 00:09:34.830 it's not that now. But there was a 143 00:09:34.830 --> 00:09:38.670 transformational week. There was one week when everything shifted 144 00:09:38.750 --> 00:09:42.510 and it was the week that I saw the counsellor, I saw a psychiatrist, 145 00:09:42.510 --> 00:09:46.190 I got the sign off to hormones end 146 00:09:46.510 --> 00:09:50.390 and suddenly I could go into the women's section and 147 00:09:50.390 --> 00:09:54.230 have permission to shop in the women's section because I 148 00:09:54.230 --> 00:09:58.110 knew that was now my pathway. I didn't know what the path looked like, 149 00:09:58.980 --> 00:10:02.340 you know, like from the years from then on. 150 00:10:02.660 --> 00:10:06.460 But that was really a turning point. Were you married? Were you still 151 00:10:06.460 --> 00:10:10.260 married at this point? I was. So that. That must have been a. 152 00:10:10.980 --> 00:10:14.100 A tricky time, having been through this myself. 153 00:10:15.140 --> 00:10:18.980 It was a horrible time's an understatement. It was a horrible time. 154 00:10:19.140 --> 00:10:22.980 It was the worst time, you know, like. And not. And not, you know, the 155 00:10:22.980 --> 00:10:26.800 gender for me was. So I lived in the UK for a long 156 00:10:26.800 --> 00:10:30.800 time. I lived in London for like 25 years and 157 00:10:31.920 --> 00:10:35.120 came back to Australia in 2013 and 158 00:10:36.400 --> 00:10:39.440 everything fell to bits and it was so difficult. 159 00:10:41.520 --> 00:10:45.320 The gender stuff was like an extra thing to 160 00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:49.120 cope with, like our marital 161 00:10:49.280 --> 00:10:51.440 relationships, the money situation, 162 00:10:53.370 --> 00:10:57.050 trying to be a good parent and caring for my children. 163 00:10:57.450 --> 00:11:00.730 And it was just such a difficult time and 164 00:11:01.930 --> 00:11:05.610 one of the hardest times of my life. And I didn't know how 165 00:11:06.170 --> 00:11:10.170 tell my family about the gender side of things. And 166 00:11:11.130 --> 00:11:15.010 they were like the last people I told. I just didn't know how to. How 167 00:11:15.010 --> 00:11:19.010 to say that until the end. And I left and I moved 168 00:11:19.010 --> 00:11:22.490 interstate and I went and cared for my mum, who was. Who had got dementia 169 00:11:22.490 --> 00:11:25.970 by then. And that was during COVID So I spent a couple of years during 170 00:11:25.970 --> 00:11:29.050 COVID living in our family home and she was in care. 171 00:11:30.010 --> 00:11:34.010 And then in due course she passed away in 2022. 172 00:11:34.170 --> 00:11:38.050 And that was when I left South Australia, Adelaide, where I 173 00:11:38.050 --> 00:11:41.650 was, and moved to Brisbane, you know, to start a new life in a new 174 00:11:41.650 --> 00:11:45.420 body in a new part of the world. There's such a growth, such 175 00:11:45.420 --> 00:11:49.340 personal growth to do this. So now I'm a coach and I 176 00:11:49.340 --> 00:11:53.260 coach people through change. I coach people in 177 00:11:53.260 --> 00:11:57.220 terms of finding new possibilities at any point through 178 00:11:57.220 --> 00:12:01.060 a decision, navigating our way through the pain and the 179 00:12:01.060 --> 00:12:04.940 emotions and the grief of moving away from what was and embracing 180 00:12:05.580 --> 00:12:09.460 what can Be. And when you 181 00:12:09.460 --> 00:12:13.270 look back your life, are there. Are there moments in time, you know, 182 00:12:13.270 --> 00:12:17.247 going back, you know, 66 years old, going back over the last 50. 60, 183 00:12:17.346 --> 00:12:21.310 70. Well, 66 years old. Are there times you look back and 184 00:12:21.310 --> 00:12:25.070 think, actually, that was a sign? Or, 185 00:12:25.470 --> 00:12:27.150 or is it. Was it a complete 186 00:12:28.670 --> 00:12:32.030 epiphany when it came, when it hit you, or was there 187 00:12:32.350 --> 00:12:36.270 signs? You asked me this question last year, actually, and 188 00:12:38.310 --> 00:12:41.750 because, because you felt, I think you were a little astonished that 189 00:12:42.550 --> 00:12:45.670 I. I didn't know until so much later. But 190 00:12:46.390 --> 00:12:50.270 looking back in retrospect. Absolutely, there are 191 00:12:50.270 --> 00:12:53.910 clues. There are clues about my femininity, about 192 00:12:54.790 --> 00:12:58.310 how I held myself, about how I, you know, like 193 00:12:59.510 --> 00:13:01.350 there were parts of my 194 00:13:03.040 --> 00:13:07.040 personality that were conditioned, you know, through my, 195 00:13:07.920 --> 00:13:11.680 you know, my father was an alcoholic and growing up, it was an emotionally, you 196 00:13:11.680 --> 00:13:15.640 know, challenging, difficult household. And I 197 00:13:15.640 --> 00:13:17.360 kept myself safe by 198 00:13:19.360 --> 00:13:23.320 protecting myself, by not standing out, not sticking 199 00:13:23.320 --> 00:13:27.280 my head out, you know, people pleasing those things. And. 200 00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:32.640 So that thread was running through my life until now, 201 00:13:34.080 --> 00:13:38.000 but also the gender side, 202 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:41.560 you know, like, I look back now and I, and I, and I even look 203 00:13:41.560 --> 00:13:45.320 at my figure, my figure has always been feminine. 204 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:48.960 And in the past, it was stuff that I got 205 00:13:48.960 --> 00:13:52.800 criticised for, you know, like childbearing hips, got 206 00:13:52.880 --> 00:13:56.770 that, you know, like pinhead pigeon chest. You know, these 207 00:13:56.770 --> 00:14:00.610 are like slights that people had directed at me through my life, which now 208 00:14:01.570 --> 00:14:05.530 have become assets to me, you know, because they create the 209 00:14:05.530 --> 00:14:08.450 physical, the feminine body that I have, you know. And 210 00:14:09.810 --> 00:14:13.290 I remember when I was in the. I was in the army in my early 211 00:14:13.290 --> 00:14:17.090 20s, and we would go. I could go and 212 00:14:17.090 --> 00:14:20.810 buy secondhand jungle greens from the 213 00:14:20.810 --> 00:14:24.710 disposal stores, and I remember buying a pair that had been a 214 00:14:24.710 --> 00:14:28.630 woman's. And because the, you know, the, the waist 215 00:14:28.630 --> 00:14:32.550 seam had been tapered in, you know, I remember really liking 216 00:14:32.550 --> 00:14:36.550 that, you know, but. But looking back in those days, you know, you 217 00:14:36.550 --> 00:14:39.550 go to parties, you wear fishnets or something like that, you know, 218 00:14:40.190 --> 00:14:44.190 guys do that stuff too. So actually drawing the line between what is, 219 00:14:44.590 --> 00:14:48.150 you know, just a fun thing for a guy or one or something that has 220 00:14:48.150 --> 00:14:52.120 more meaning. Meaning for me. Hard to differentiate. 221 00:14:52.840 --> 00:14:56.480 But, you know, just. Just looking back at my life, I can see lots of 222 00:14:56.480 --> 00:15:00.400 clues, you know, but I had no role models, no 223 00:15:00.400 --> 00:15:04.360 examples, and I just accepted who I was for, you know, most of 224 00:15:04.360 --> 00:15:08.240 my life. What sort of things have. Have positively surprised you in 225 00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:11.960 the last six years or even the last six 226 00:15:11.960 --> 00:15:14.600 months? What surprised you about 227 00:15:16.090 --> 00:15:19.810 embracing this new you? Women. Women are 228 00:15:19.810 --> 00:15:23.650 extraordinary. I love my girlfriends. 229 00:15:23.650 --> 00:15:27.650 I love. I'll tell you what, like So I spent like 60 years as a 230 00:15:27.650 --> 00:15:31.450 man and now six years as a woman. Right? And 231 00:15:31.690 --> 00:15:35.370 so that 60 years of living with 232 00:15:35.450 --> 00:15:37.130 a man's 233 00:15:39.370 --> 00:15:43.190 emotional, you know, the, the way men 234 00:15:43.190 --> 00:15:47.150 handle emotions traditionally, you know, like and, and bottle it 235 00:15:47.150 --> 00:15:50.070 up and suppress it and pretend it doesn't exist, 236 00:15:51.030 --> 00:15:54.790 you know, apparently, apparently most people can only name three 237 00:15:54.790 --> 00:15:57.750 emotions. They're happy, sad and pissed off, you know, but, but, 238 00:15:59.350 --> 00:16:03.270 and, and in with my friends, we never 239 00:16:03.590 --> 00:16:07.330 would talk about emotions. We would never have 240 00:16:07.410 --> 00:16:11.250 used the vocabulary, the emotional vocabulary, you know. And 241 00:16:11.250 --> 00:16:14.610 now in my life, I am 242 00:16:14.690 --> 00:16:18.410 surrounded with women who are evolved in their 243 00:16:18.410 --> 00:16:22.050 emotional intelligence and their maturity. And in these 244 00:16:22.449 --> 00:16:25.650 circles and in these containers, we can talk about 245 00:16:26.370 --> 00:16:30.370 emotions without shame or judgement or being made wrong or 246 00:16:30.450 --> 00:16:34.260 anything like that. And it's so healthy, is so healthy, 247 00:16:34.260 --> 00:16:37.860 and it has helped me grow so much because the 248 00:16:37.860 --> 00:16:41.780 journey of going from where we are to where we want 249 00:16:41.780 --> 00:16:45.660 to go is a journey of the emotions. Because it's 250 00:16:45.660 --> 00:16:49.100 like fear of the unknown, anxiety. 251 00:16:49.500 --> 00:16:53.500 Like, I used to catastrophize about, like, everything in my life. 252 00:16:53.500 --> 00:16:57.420 I would make up futures that frightened me and I'd made them 253 00:16:57.420 --> 00:17:00.930 up, you know, but the fright was an emotional thing, you know, And 254 00:17:01.490 --> 00:17:05.290 I've had this scarcity mindset all my life and it's never because 255 00:17:05.290 --> 00:17:09.250 I've not had stuff or resources. It's because I feared 256 00:17:09.330 --> 00:17:13.130 not having stuff. And it's an emotion. The emotions is 257 00:17:13.130 --> 00:17:16.850 the most important thing. And the 258 00:17:16.930 --> 00:17:20.690 thing about my transition is that I have become 259 00:17:21.010 --> 00:17:24.370 a person who is emotionally intelligent, 260 00:17:24.930 --> 00:17:28.620 has personal power, has a capacity to 261 00:17:28.620 --> 00:17:32.420 respond rather than react, has so much 262 00:17:32.580 --> 00:17:36.580 strength. And it's not through transitioning, but 263 00:17:36.580 --> 00:17:40.300 it's. Transitioning gave me access to a world 264 00:17:40.300 --> 00:17:44.300 of women where we can talk about emotions. And in a 265 00:17:44.300 --> 00:17:48.100 time of, like, gender violence, there's a lot of gender 266 00:17:48.100 --> 00:17:51.940 violence going on around the world in Australia. It's like a big problem also. 267 00:17:52.760 --> 00:17:55.560 And I feel I have something to say about that 268 00:17:56.600 --> 00:18:00.600 to men, about being more emotionally vulnerable, 269 00:18:00.680 --> 00:18:04.560 because it is a conditioned thing, you know, is not innate to 270 00:18:04.560 --> 00:18:08.120 men or women. And me, you know, I am the example 271 00:18:08.199 --> 00:18:11.840 of what is possible when you change the 272 00:18:11.840 --> 00:18:15.680 culture, when you change the environment, when you change, you know, the 273 00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:18.610 beliefs and expectations within which I live. 274 00:18:19.570 --> 00:18:23.090 It's extraordinary, you know, like I. It's interesting. 275 00:18:23.250 --> 00:18:27.010 It's interesting when you talked about emotional intelligence that how, just to paraphrase what you're 276 00:18:27.010 --> 00:18:30.970 saying, I believe what you're saying was you've become more in tune with 277 00:18:30.970 --> 00:18:34.770 your own emotional intelligence since than you ever had in your previous 278 00:18:34.770 --> 00:18:37.970 life. 100%, a million percent. 279 00:18:38.770 --> 00:18:41.970 Like it's off the scale, 280 00:18:42.530 --> 00:18:46.480 you know, like, like I have grown so much, you know, 281 00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:50.160 and it's not just because, it's also because as a coach, 282 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:54.240 I've also been in this world, you know, I have qualifications in NLP and 283 00:18:54.320 --> 00:18:57.960 you know, hypnotherapy and timeline 284 00:18:57.960 --> 00:19:01.800 therapy and things like that, you know, so. So I've been immersed in this world 285 00:19:01.800 --> 00:19:05.600 of personal growth and human design actually has 286 00:19:05.600 --> 00:19:08.720 been, you know, quite interesting for me as well. But, but 287 00:19:09.600 --> 00:19:13.520 like this me at 66 who is 288 00:19:13.520 --> 00:19:17.440 starting all over again. I lost a tonne of money, I'm 289 00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:21.320 having to rent. I wouldn't have, I would 290 00:19:21.320 --> 00:19:24.000 have needed to rent. But you know, like, this is where I am, you know, 291 00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:27.920 and I'm a single woman and I'm starting again in a new life and 292 00:19:28.800 --> 00:19:32.560 it's possible, you know, like other people are retiring at my age. I'm just 293 00:19:32.560 --> 00:19:35.920 beginning. And it's so exciting, you know, like this 294 00:19:36.320 --> 00:19:39.760 new world, this aliveness, this fun, this 295 00:19:39.760 --> 00:19:43.310 playful me, you know, not because 296 00:19:43.550 --> 00:19:47.390 of stuff outside of me, but because of the self trust 297 00:19:47.390 --> 00:19:51.070 and the growth that I've created within me. Yeah. And like my 298 00:19:51.070 --> 00:19:54.990 transition was the gateway to all of this. All of this. 299 00:19:56.350 --> 00:20:00.110 Yeah. It's just. What scares you? 300 00:20:00.270 --> 00:20:04.110 Dying unfulfilled. So what does fulfilment look like? Well, this is a very 301 00:20:04.110 --> 00:20:08.080 good question. Yeah. You know, like, and this 302 00:20:08.080 --> 00:20:11.760 is actually something that's come up for me in, you know, recent, recent days really 303 00:20:11.760 --> 00:20:15.680 actually about. About what drives me, you 304 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:19.240 know, like, and I've wanted, I've always wanted to be 305 00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:23.400 worthy and to matter and attaching results 306 00:20:23.880 --> 00:20:27.160 to mattering. You see what, see what I mean? 307 00:20:27.720 --> 00:20:31.640 And it's just been a new growth for me to 308 00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:34.920 let go of me mattering because I already matter. 309 00:20:36.170 --> 00:20:39.850 And my message mattering. My message is what's important. My 310 00:20:39.850 --> 00:20:43.490 message of possibility, my message of you can 311 00:20:43.490 --> 00:20:47.130 reinvent your life at any point with a decision. My 312 00:20:47.130 --> 00:20:50.970 message that the realities that you live under 313 00:20:51.210 --> 00:20:55.090 may not be your truth, it might be someone else's storey that you're 314 00:20:55.090 --> 00:20:58.970 living. And that is what I 315 00:20:58.970 --> 00:21:02.940 do as a coach. I question, I ask clever questions. 316 00:21:02.940 --> 00:21:06.060 I help to shift beliefs. I help to. 317 00:21:08.220 --> 00:21:11.860 I help to show people, help people see what they can't see for 318 00:21:11.860 --> 00:21:15.660 themselves. To unlock the grip on a reality 319 00:21:15.660 --> 00:21:19.580 that may not be a truth. And little by little, finger by 320 00:21:19.580 --> 00:21:23.500 finger, there you go. Maybe it's not the truth after all. 321 00:21:23.500 --> 00:21:25.980 Maybe there's another truth that serves me better. 322 00:21:28.950 --> 00:21:32.630 Because when you're at that point where you're gonna metaphorically 323 00:21:33.030 --> 00:21:36.990 push a button because you can't unsay I'm, by 324 00:21:36.990 --> 00:21:40.190 the way, I'm trans. You've kind of said it, you kind of, it's a very 325 00:21:40.190 --> 00:21:43.750 binary switch. You tell people what was going through your mind at that point. You 326 00:21:43.750 --> 00:21:47.750 know, you, you've obviously been thinking about this for at least a couple 327 00:21:47.750 --> 00:21:51.630 of years at this time. You've obviously been for a test drive. 328 00:21:51.630 --> 00:21:55.600 You've been for. You start thinking about it, you've sat down 329 00:21:55.600 --> 00:21:59.600 with people who you love or you've sat down with people who you have 330 00:21:59.600 --> 00:22:03.600 mutual respect for and you have to share this news. What's 331 00:22:03.600 --> 00:22:07.240 the fear going through your mind at that point? So my biggest fear was with 332 00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:10.880 my sister and my brother in law because they, 333 00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:13.360 their relationship to me mattered the most. 334 00:22:14.880 --> 00:22:18.720 And absolutely there were fears. But also 335 00:22:18.800 --> 00:22:22.020 for me it was like a no brainer, it was a done deal, 336 00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:26.100 you know, like fear or no fear. It was something that was happening. 337 00:22:26.580 --> 00:22:30.580 And at that point I was on the journey, I was on hormones 338 00:22:30.660 --> 00:22:34.580 and you know, like electrolysis and stuff like that. You know, 339 00:22:34.580 --> 00:22:38.340 there was a whole project plan in place at that point. Yeah. And then I, 340 00:22:39.380 --> 00:22:43.260 I just, I just went for it. I posted on Facebook and said, 341 00:22:43.260 --> 00:22:46.940 you know, this will surprise people, but I'm actually a woman and 342 00:22:47.020 --> 00:22:50.820 important ways always have been. And nobody saw that, you 343 00:22:50.820 --> 00:22:54.420 know, but, but at the same time they hadn't seen the sadness that I'd 344 00:22:54.420 --> 00:22:58.340 lived for such a long time, you know, the fright that I'd 345 00:22:58.340 --> 00:23:02.220 lived under for such a long time, you know, and they, you know, I've just 346 00:23:02.220 --> 00:23:05.900 been writing a, you know, a webpage today about this, you know, 347 00:23:08.300 --> 00:23:11.820 about the living, living a life of less than. 348 00:23:11.980 --> 00:23:15.960 Living a life of settling for not good enough, living a life 349 00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:19.320 of inauthenticity. And 350 00:23:19.800 --> 00:23:22.200 at what cost? You know, like 351 00:23:23.560 --> 00:23:27.400 the cost to not just me, but the cost 352 00:23:27.560 --> 00:23:31.400 to the people who get affected by me now. 353 00:23:31.480 --> 00:23:34.360 Like this me who shows up as an 354 00:23:34.600 --> 00:23:38.360 authentic, happy look, the way I impact the 355 00:23:38.360 --> 00:23:41.660 world now is like a million times more, more 356 00:23:41.820 --> 00:23:45.660 powerful, important than the way I used to impact the world. The cost, 357 00:23:46.940 --> 00:23:50.820 you know, and I think about the, the cost to me, the cost to 358 00:23:50.820 --> 00:23:54.340 my family, my community of me being 359 00:23:54.340 --> 00:23:57.820 inauthentic versus the benefit of me being 360 00:23:58.540 --> 00:24:02.420 excited and happy and lit up and sharing that with the world with 361 00:24:02.420 --> 00:24:06.340 my energy and my words and my messages like you do, you know, 362 00:24:06.340 --> 00:24:10.070 like you speak, you know, like you 363 00:24:10.150 --> 00:24:14.110 are an important person, you know, who has messages to share, you 364 00:24:14.110 --> 00:24:17.830 know, like, and the cost of you suppressing 365 00:24:17.830 --> 00:24:21.030 yourself, like, how can we calculate that? 366 00:24:21.910 --> 00:24:25.910 But it's not about gender. It's about everybody 367 00:24:25.990 --> 00:24:29.830 who settles for a version of themselves that 368 00:24:29.830 --> 00:24:33.800 is less than, that is mediocre, that is less than 369 00:24:33.800 --> 00:24:37.720 the fullest expression of who they are. I think I can't. So 370 00:24:37.720 --> 00:24:40.800 there's hardly anything more important than encouraging 371 00:24:41.360 --> 00:24:45.280 others should they wish to become 372 00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:49.360 the fullest version of who they're meant to be, for themselves, for their family, 373 00:24:49.360 --> 00:24:53.280 for their communities, for the world, showing them. I think I look back 374 00:24:53.280 --> 00:24:57.280 on my life and I was never unhappy. I was never. 375 00:24:57.280 --> 00:25:00.080 Most people would say I was living life to the full. I was certainly 376 00:25:01.280 --> 00:25:03.800 Kurt Cobain said, if you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up too 377 00:25:03.800 --> 00:25:07.800 much room. So I was definitely the life and 378 00:25:07.800 --> 00:25:11.760 soul of my world, often the one that 379 00:25:11.760 --> 00:25:14.960 people used to frown at and tut at, because I was probably a bit too 380 00:25:15.600 --> 00:25:19.520 partyish and a bit too outrageous and a bit too, bit too 381 00:25:19.520 --> 00:25:23.000 me. I thought I was Max. I think what happened when I gender 382 00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:26.920 transitioned, I recalibrated the ceiling. I realised 383 00:25:26.920 --> 00:25:30.840 there's actually 20% of me that I never knew and I 384 00:25:30.840 --> 00:25:34.800 grew into that. So I've gone from being having a great life to having a 385 00:25:34.800 --> 00:25:38.720 better life or a better unconstrained life. And it's a lot of 386 00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:42.519 the traits I used to have, the outrageousness and the 387 00:25:44.040 --> 00:25:47.360 partying, all those things have fallen by the wayside. So I think what I was 388 00:25:47.360 --> 00:25:50.440 trying to do was I was in the search for something more and I could 389 00:25:50.440 --> 00:25:54.250 never find it. And now the transitioning was the thing that 390 00:25:54.250 --> 00:25:58.130 unlocked that attic room in my house of 391 00:25:58.370 --> 00:26:01.850 living and said, look, you've got all this extra space, you don't need that stuff 392 00:26:01.850 --> 00:26:05.170 in the basement anymore. Amazing. On my website I put 393 00:26:05.330 --> 00:26:07.810 opening minds, unlocking potential, 394 00:26:09.010 --> 00:26:12.890 and that's kind of what you're describing. But 395 00:26:12.890 --> 00:26:16.850 I also feel that that is the reality for most people. 396 00:26:17.740 --> 00:26:21.180 I feel that there is so much potential to unlock, but it's 397 00:26:21.180 --> 00:26:24.780 constrained by limiting beliefs and judgement and other people's 398 00:26:24.780 --> 00:26:28.540 opinions and shame and storeys, you know, the 399 00:26:28.540 --> 00:26:32.380 storeys and worldviews that we believe. And that's my job, you know, 400 00:26:32.380 --> 00:26:36.380 just to shine light, open, you know, unlock that hand a 401 00:26:36.380 --> 00:26:39.420